The Liberal Party, to a man, have embraced the need for legislation to provide protections for religions and religious beliefs.

I say ‘to a man’ because the Sheilas have been a bit precious about coming on board. As Christian Porter noted, “that’s women for you” and Peter Dutton seconded that and reminded women that the Liberal Party is a broad-church and Scott Morrison is the second coming (evidently a reference to his own failed attempt to seize the leadership as he sees himself as the chosen one – I don’t know, you work it out!)

As Craig Kelly, Member for Hughes and avid student of the Bible, solemnly noted on Sky-after-Dark whilst in discussion with Andy Bolt over several bottles of cheap whisky: “the Bible guides me in everything I do and say and there’s nothing in the Bible about global warming, I’ve looked.”

Craig had also noted that according to the Bible it is not permitted for women to aspire to positions of authority and furthermore he declared that the Labor Party were languishing in Limbo, not because they threatened to take away franking credits from wealthy retirees, but because they defied the Bible in allowing a woman in the form of Julia Gillard to assume dominion over men.

Craig, of course was referring to the references in the Book of Timothy [soon to be incorporated in the religious protection’s legislation] making things absolutely clear to all those uppity Sheilas:

11 A woman[a] should learn in quietness and full submission. 12 do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man;[b] she must be quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. 15 But women[c] will be saved through childbearing – if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety. (Timothy 2: 11-15).

When it came to the bit about women being saved through childbearing, Barnaby Joyce was heard to mumble; “I’ll drink to that” and he promptly produced a stubby of VB and did precisely that. Defence Minister Linda Reynolds and Minister for Foreign Affairs Marise Payne were heard to mutter ‘pigs arse’ as they crossed the floor to join the Jacquie Lambie Ladies’ Collective.

Josh Frydenberg said it insulted his religious beliefs to refer to any part of a pig and that bacon, pork roasts (and that includes crackling) and bacon sangers should be banned from Aussies Parliament House cafeteria as they were not Kosha and as such an abomination to his belief system and thus he demanded the protection of the Religious Discrimination legislation.

Scott Morrison said that he would pray for them all !

And Oliver fiddled with his tie and said to Stan “That’s another fine mess you’ve gotten me into.”