It hit me today. I was listening to the ABC whine on in their lefty way, while reading the positivity of Liberal’s “Real Solutions” and I had the epiphany.
We approach things all wrong in this country, but thanks to the Abbott-led Liberals we can change.
For a start, do you have any idea how much taxpayers’ money is spent locking people up after they’ve been convicted of a crime? No, neither do I. But I believe it’s a lot. Like it costs more to lock someone up for a year than to send them to university. So, I have the answer. We should have a direct action policy on crime. Criminals should register for schemes where they’ll stop committing crimes in return for subsidies. Yes, I know that this is just a “carbon copy” (pun intended) of the way that Abbott intends to deal with climate change, but when you’re on a good thing…
As for health, well, politics raises a lot of people’s blood pressure, so “taking politics off the front page” as Tony suggested, would certainly lower people’s blood pressure. This could save millions in our health budget. Rupert Murdoch probably agrees, because I notice that his papers have stop reporting on Federal Politics.
Education, I have come to realise, is vastly over-rated. I feel that I’m well informed and reasonably knowledgeable because of the vast amounts of information I’ve taken on board. Yet, I’ve come to realise that all I had to was listen to Alan Jones and read Andrew Bolt and I would have been as well informed as the hairdresser who told me all that was wrong with the country. (It may have been the sharp objects that he was holding close to my head, but felt compelled to simply nod – not too vigorously, mind you.) He explained that even though his business went broke under a Liberal Government, and that he was re-employed by someone else under a Labor Government that the economy was now in terrible trouble because we owed over $300 million. I thought about telling him that it was actually $300 billion, but then I thought maybe his poor understanding of numbers may lead to me getting my haircut very cheap. Who needs an education when you have people like that to explain it all to you? Just think of all we’ll save if we decide that all education after primary school is just for the people who can afford it?
So, I have joined the enlightened ones. I can see things from a Liberal point of view. For example, Don Randall was attacked today for his trip from WA to Cairns. He said that the trip was part of his job. The week after the trip, he added a property in Cairns to his list of pecuniary interests. Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it? Adding the investment property to his pecuniary interest list IS part of his job. And he wouldn’t have been able to do that if he hadn’t gone to Cairns to buy it, so I don’t see any problem there.
In the spirit of my new wisdom, I’d like to remind all you left wingers out there that there is a court case starting soon in Britain involving some connected with Rupert Murdoch’s papers. It’s a fundamental principle – as Rupert pointed out, but that’s not why I’m agreeing – that we give them the presumption of innocence. It’s very important. So don’t presume that they’re guilty. Even if that’s what the court finds. And even if the court finds them guilty, don’t presume that means that there’s any implication for Australia. I mean, if an organization was found guilty of doing something in another part of the world, we’d just presume that it was limited to that part of the world. It’d be like presuming that just because there was a cover-up of sexual abuse in one country that the same organization would cover it up in other countries. Why waste money with an investigation?
In fact, I’m so impressed with Tony at the moment that I’m thinking of joining the Liberal Party and telling all the local branch that I’m a Federal Minister. If they tell me that they’ve never seen me on TV, I’ll know that I’ve convinced them.
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