“My wife says that she had no idea that I was about to announce that I was leaving her for another woman, but look at this text she sent me: ‘Can I expect you home for dinner?’! That’s clear evidence that she knew our relationship was in tatters! See, this proves that I’m not lying when I say that I made it clear that I wasn’t going to stick with my wedding vows, and when my wife calls me untrustworthy, I think that men everywhere should be offended.”
Yes, that does sound rather absurd, doesn’t it? But that’s pretty much what good old Scotty is dishing up to us. Macron should have known that all wasn’t well, so I didn’t need to ring him till after I stepped out with my new best mates and announced that I was moving on.
Of course, Paul Kelly thinks that Morrison had no choice but to mislead Macron, but Paul Kelly is known for putting his blind trust into the government. (That’s Paul Kelly, the guy who works for Murdoch, not Paul Kelly the health guy, not Paul Kelly the singer, not Paul Kelly the ex-Swans captain.) Of course, it does seem a little strange that The Australian also published an opinion piece from Greg Sheridan which argued that Morrison was right to publish the text from Macron to show that he had, in fact, let him know that the subs deal was cactus. This seems to be another occasion when the Murdoch Pravda asks us to hold two contradictory positions at the same time.
It seems that some in the media are starting to question the contradictions in the narratives that Morrison puts out. Not everyone, but that’s pretty much because they rely on his office feeding them stories and if they were to print a story showing him in a bad light, then the backgrounding would stop and they’d have to walk a bit further than one of the Canberra bars to actual find something to write about. So, we’re all just expected to nod when he says that he’s never been against electric vehicles and he never said that they’d ruin the weekend and he’s always supported net zero and we can achieve net zero while opening more coal mines and burning more coal and… by the way, isn’t it great about that little girl being found, I know because I have two daughters and Jen said imagine if it was your daughter and I said, “Well, that’s just so upsetting that I’m going to make a curry that’s one of the girl’s favourites… I can’t remember which one because I’ve spent so much time in quarantine that they look the same to me, but Jenandthegrirls will be in my heart and my photograph this weekend when we have a heartfelt reunion until I go back to Canberra where I’ll be calling on the Governor-General before Pete and Josh find someone who can accurately count numbers!”
Yes, some journalists are actually saying things like: How can it be true that you let Macron know, while simultaneously briefing people that you had to keep him in the dark? Some are even wondering whether other leaders may worry that you could leak private communications and that you’re a bigger security risk than Tim Smith after two glasses of wine, which is apparently enough to put you nearly three times the legal limit.
I expect any day now that the PM will ask Phil Gaetjens to investigate who actually leaked the text message of the French president just so he can refuse to comment on it.
Anyway, I think it’s always worth remembering that even The Titanic sank when the leaks grew too big.
And speaking of the unsinkable, it’s the buoyant Alan Jones last show tonight. Yes, old Jonesy isn’t getting his contract renewed, so I expect he’ll go out with the same grace and class that he’s always shown… I’d be almost tempted to watch if it wasn’t for the fact that I might die of shame if anyone found out!
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