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See, Scott Morrison DOES Hold A Hose!

BREAKING NEWS! In an amazing show of versatility, Scott Morrison demonstrated his capacity to wash a woman’s hair.

When asked why the Prime Minister was doing this when there is so much that needs attention, a spokesman told us that it was all because of Labor.

”Albanese said a few weeks ago that the PM had two jobs and ever since that day, it’s been incumbent on Mr Morrison to show that he has many, many more than two. That’s why you’ll see him behind the wheel of a truck or cooking up a fish or two or performing life-saving surgery on a koala.”

When asked why Mr Morrison wasn’t doing something about the terrible situation in aged care, the spokesman suggested that this had been dealt with by the announcement that the government would be forming a task force to look at the current situation and wondering whether they’d need to ask Phil Gaetjens to do an investigation into the recent Royal Commission. “We thought that getting recommendations from the Royal Commission would be enough to fix the problems but apparently some further action along the lines of actually implementing some of them may be necessary. We’ll let you know once it’s been decided whether Mr Gaetjens is the best person for the job or whether we need to appoint a special envoy like Barnaby Joyce who was so successful as drought envoy that he’s now the Deputy PM.”

The spokesman then suggested that there had been a bit of an over-reaction to the aged care situation. “Many of these people would have died sometime in the next decade anyway, and all had some form of deteriorating health condition, such as Covid-19. In every case, they were near the end of their lives just before they died.”

”Now, there’s been a lot of criticism of Aged Care Minister declining to appear before the Senate and going to the cricket instead, but I think a lot of people are forgetting that it was at the cricket where we’re taking wickets with the virus so he was really doing his bit by being there supporting those wickets. Not only that but he was there in his capacity as Sports Minister, so he had to spend three days there in order to complete both jobs.”

As for the identity of the person sharing texts with Gladys, the spokesman said that there was little point in speculating because, unless the person came forward there was no way we could know who it was, and it didn’t matter because the PM announced that it wasn’t a federal minister. When asked how the PM could know this if he didn’t know who the person was, the spokesman replied, “Ah but he knows who it WASN’T. It wasn’t a member of the Cabinet because if any member of the Cabinet says that it was them, then they won’t be, so it’s clearly someone else.”

“It’s definitely not a fore-runner to a leadership spill. We’re not the Labor Party who feel the need to change leaders in order to win elections. We don’t change leaders unless we absolutely have to because someone’s unable to do whatever it is that they need to do in order not to get rolled by the party.”

Once the woman’s hair was washed, Mr Morrison hurried on to his next appointment: an appearance on the Masked Singer. Information about what mask he’ll be wearing has been listed as classified under the official secrets act, but it has been confirmed that he refused the Dick Nixon mask on the grounds that it was ambiguous.

Of course, the election has to be held soon and then we’ll have the Prime Minister doing all those gimmicky things to make himself appear more human and the country will just have to run itself for a while!

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  1. Michael Taylor

    Why do I keep hearing the music from Jaws when I see this photo/video?

  2. Regional Elder

    Great post Rossleigh, As a self-acknowledged ‘divinely inspired’ Pentecostal entity, Morrison has admitted that he often undertakes on ‘ laying on of the hands’ with people he meets.

    This photo raises a few questions.

    Did Morison secretly baptise this captive woman, a mere accessory to his addiction for photo opportunities, or is he already practising for his post-parliamentary career ?

    Or both ?

    After all, as a self-disclosed ‘transactional’ politician, one can imagine he would have a ‘ bob each way ‘. How good is that !

  3. Canguro

    Terence Mills on the arsehole thread; – pure gold! Thank you for the laugh out loud analysis.

    Seriously, or not, this must be the only instance in history where the actual leader of a country, whether elected or ruling by divine right, has popped into a random hair salon and washed the hair of a random customer. Maybe he’s hoping it may be the start of a trend towards warm & cuddly, and his redemption in the eyes of the Australian women… as in ‘see, I do care’.

    Can’t wait to see what’s next. Shoe polishing at a random train station? Cleaning the toilets at Rooty Hill RSL? Or keeping with today’s theme, a pop in to a barbers to give a buzz cut to man who just wanted the edges cleaned up, or another visit to a lady’s salon to try his hand at the fingernail polish section?

    It seems to me that he’s losing the plot, rapidly; with mental illness now dominating his behaviour.

  4. Michael Taylor

    I think he’s found his niche for after his election loss.

  5. Harry Lime

    Canguro,he’s demonstrating that arseholes CAN multitask,including,but not limited to,lying non stop out of both sides of his mouth, performing multiple back flips,serial avoidance of responsibility and passing the buck.Mainly lots of bucks to wealthy tax evaders.
    What’s not to like? Expect more extreme acts of desperation with the realisation that he’s fucked.

  6. Pete Petrass

    I don’t care if this is his post parliamentary career, I will never let him wash my hair (not that I have any) nor will he ever lay his hands on me.

  7. Henry Rodrigues

    He’s so desperate to appear friends of the female sex, he might, and this is quite a possibility, stop a woman in the street and ask to kiss her toes and then if she wanted, he’d be prepared to kiss her arse, as Adam Taylor takes pictures for the evening news. He might even offer to pay her for her cooperation. And the fornicator with a leacherous grin cheering him on..

  8. Terence Mills

    Ace reporter, Peter Van Onselen has the full story with additional reporting from Peta Credlin AO : as they say at SKY after Dark ” it’s not news unless we make it up “

    A lady entered Coco’s beauty salon for a pedicure. She was wrestled into a chair by some men in dark suits, a mask was placed over her mouth and nose and her head pushed underwater.

    Then a man posing as the official prime ministerial photographer appeared taking photographs and a creepy man came up behind her and started to pull her hair and squirt shampoo in her eyes.

    The woman was deeply traumatised but otherwise uninjured. The matter is being investigated by the AFP who escorted a middle aged man from the premises. He was later described as a known offender and a horrible, horrible person who appeared to have fetishes and psychotic tendencies.

    Coco’s Salon have apologised to the woman and have increased their security. They have told their customers that this was a one-off event and the premises will in future be screened for creepy men hiding out in the toilets.

  9. Max Gross

    Well I won’t be convinced Morrison deserves re election until I see him ride a surf board, milk a cow and do a bungie jump.

  10. Rossleigh

    Max Gross, I presume that you mean at the same time…

  11. Phil Pryor

    Vomitous vision there of a devious dickhead posing to avoid his real duties. Lazy, incompetent, murderous, malicious, backstabbing bastardry in action…

  12. GL


    “…do a bungie jump” while juggling Friedeggburger, Duttonuci, Bananababy, and Grhunt at the same time.

  13. margcal

    I first saw this photo on The Shovel and thought it was one of their sick/mockery photoshop efforts.
    Can’t believe it’s real.
    How many ways can Morrison show what a creep he is?

  14. Roswell

    Whether he received permission to wash that suffering lady’s hair or not, I nonetheless consider this inappropriate and a photo op done in poor taste.

    To me this comes across as a power trip: control over a woman.

  15. Michael Taylor

    I just noticed he’s not wearing any gloves. Must be his “living with the virus” thingy.

  16. Canguro

    Rolls up his frigging sleeves, al la the idiot wrecker, the Bullington bovver Johnson, all posture and no weight, a poseur for the photo op, mired in delusion, hubris, a rampant egomaniacal nothingness let loose to wreak and wreck. Must have been an awfully dysfunctional upbringing, or is he just one of these genetic anomalies, born bad?

    I note that he dismissed, out of hand, the important & significant Amnesty International report that outs Israel’s apartheid policies towards the Palestinians. For heaven’s sake, the facts of the matter have been plain to see and public knowledge for decades; Israel acts appallingly towards its Palestinian neighbours, with Zionist adherents in opposition to any sympathetic treatment of Palestinians since the Balfour Declaration more than a century ago, followed by the murderous Menachem Begin, whose trajectory in life began as a terrorist leader tasked with ethnic cleansing of women, children, old folk, in order to make way for Israeli occupation and ended as Prime Minister… all of this is common knowledge, but does the scumbucket give any credence to these historical truths… no way… just dismiss the report and spout his ignorance for the world to see. How disgusting he is. How hypocritical. How superficial. How heartless. A horrible horrible creature.

  17. New England Cocky

    Uhm ….. well Rossleigh, why don’t you just come out with it ands say, “The Prim Monster has no credibility”!!

    Just think … the Biblical event was the washing of feet, not hair …. or has Pastor Scummo had an epiphany? Now how much does it cost in taxpayer dollars to become a Pastor of the Hell$inger$ Chorus$?? Uhm … about $40 MILLION??

    @Canguro: You are indeed being very unsympathetic to the Liarbral’s Dear Leader. Scummo has not had a proper holiday during an Australian crisis since the 2019 bushfires and given all his hard work avoiding holding a hose and listening to conspiracy theorists in his inner circle, he must be exhausted by the heavy 21 day Parliamentary schedule the Liarbrals set for 2021.

    @Roswell: Agreed. ”I can hold down a woman in a hair stylist’s chair and do whatever I want … including wash her hair for the cameras.”

    @Michael Taylor: Perhaps he wants to catch COVID to demonstrate that he is one of the Aged Care residents currently missing out on vaccinations because of government incompetence with purchasing & distributing the vaccines. Now, do not add any naughty suggestions ….

  18. Kaye Lee

    This is so weird that it’s gotta be a deliberate distraction.

  19. wam

    It is obvious, to me, that scummo has held his hose often enough to impair his vision.
    Perhaps Albo could use the slogan:
    stop it or you’ll go blind.

  20. Kat Blyth

    To me, it’s just creepy given that any aspect of hairdressing is quite an intimate act. I’m wondering if the woman had a say in this? Or was it like the forced handshake?

  21. Regional Elder

    A poor sense of personal boundaries has Scotty.
    No surprise he has muscled in on this woman, and for his own gratuitous purposes, seeks to wash her hair.

    Remember how he grabbed reluctant bush fire victims’ hands on his visit to their town in 2019.

    Prior to the 2019 election, in the televised debate with between Shorten, Morrison ‘did a Trump ‘ manoeuvre, physically intimidating Shorten, who then moved away calling him “ a classic space invader “

    And then there was this :

    A poor decision by Morrison and his advisors yesterday.
    He deserves the ridicule, the mirth, and the condemnation that this weird marketing manoeuvre has generated.

  22. Terence Mills

    News that Newscorp will not be covering :

    Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has come to the aid of the struggling prime minister with some carefully chosen words of support :

    “He (Morrison) is a hypocrite and a liar from my observations and that is over a long time,” Mr Joyce said in March last year.
    “I have never trusted him, and I dislike how earnestly [he] rearranges the truth to a lie.”

    Mr Morrison thanked Mr Joyce for his continued support and offered him a complimentary Brazilian Wax and a colonic irrigation when next at Coco’s. He said he looked forward to maintaining his ongoing close working relationship with his Deputy.

  23. Kaye Lee

  24. Henry Rodrigues

    After all this, what are the 36% who love this jerk, going to do. Excuse it as a one off, or accept that he really is the most profound fuckwit in politics anywhere in the world. Macron must be feeling very vindicated that his assessment of the idiot was so prescient and accurate.

    We still haven’t heard from Murdoch and his maggots. The silence is deafening.

  25. Kathryn

    Oh my God! Here we have yet ANOTHER fake, cheap ‘n nasty photo shot of a lying, conniving Morrison “play-acting” yet again in ANOTHER attempt to curry favour with the Australian public who have grown bored and weary of his disingenuous “role playing”! We have all seen Morrison PRETENDING to be the “people’s friend” whilst he tried to force unwilling constituents to shake his hand; then came Morrison PRETENDING to be the “workmen’s friend” as he donned a hard hat on the road to nowhere; then we were all nauseated to see Morrison’s noggin adorned with a “Beefy’s” logo cap whilst he munched into a meat pie on the Sunshine Coast and we were all treated to the spectacle of Morrison wearing a Navy cap while commissioning the new guided missile destroyer HMAS Brisbane. Now we have Morrison “character acting” as a hairdresser (someone PLEASE pass me a bucket!). These are only a few incidences of the times Morrison uses a wide variety of “hats” and other “props” to showcase his cynical belief that Australians would be foolish enough to be “taken in” by his non-stop attempts at role playing to prop up his rising unpopularity which is now in freefall!

    The smirking, condescending and arrogant Morrison is about as FAKE as a $3 note! There is absolutely NOTHING genuine, compassionate or honest about the scheming, conniving sociopath, Scott Morrison! He is as shallow as a carpark puddle and is only motivated by three things: an unquenchable thirst for autocratic power (at any price), indefatigable greed and an almost pathetic and relentless yearning for fame – even if such “fame” verges on the fringes of depraved notoriety!

    Everything about Morrison is phoney and skin-deep! On the surface, Morrison plays the “role” of being a signed-up member of the paedophile-protecting CULT of Hillsong yet his callous inhumanity against desperate asylum seekers and against the poor and most vulnerable people in our society, his non-stop lies, broken promises and appalling level of self-serving corruption belies anything that so-called “christians” would describe as moral, kind or genuine. What remains is a cruel, pompous, self-promoting, self-serving, duplicitous bible-thumping hypocrite!

    Only the most gullible, foolish, Murdoch-manipulated people in the country fail to see through the rising insincerity and contemptuous role-playing of this hollow, vacuous political psychopath who moves from one lie to another, from one phoney role play to another without conscience, without a shred of sincerity and with a condescending sense of superiority believing that if he can’t fool ALL the people ALL the time, he can certainly try to fool MOST people MOST of the time! Don’t allow yourselves to be one of the fools taken in by one of the worst, most corrupt, depraved political sociopaths in our history! Make no mistake about it, the bone-idle Sloth Morrison is a stand-out non-achiever who has a long, notorious history of ruthless, backstabbing treachery! His rise to the top of the worst, most corrupt political party in living memory (like faecal matter in a polluted pond) was at the betrayal of others: just ask Michael Towke and Malcolm Turnbull! If Morrison can stoop to do this to his OWN colleagues, how much care, concern or compassion do Australians REALLY think that this conniving, self-promoting narcissist would have for ANYONE but himself?

  26. Kathryn

    Hmmmmm, when I watch this photo of Morrison pulling yet another political stunt, the famous song from the movie “South Pacific” = “I’m gonna wash that man right outta my hair!” immediately comes to mind! I think 99.9% of Australians just WISH it could be so easy!

  27. Michael Taylor

    There’s no backing out of this. Joyce might apologise, but it will accomplish nothing. Morrison might accept Joyce’s apology, but that too will accomplish nothing, except for a display of a bit of faux sincerity.

    I’m enjoying this.

  28. Phil Pryor

    Props, poses, stunts, acts, mimes, anything but WORK or DUTY from this brainless, bullshitting, backstabbing bastard. Filth.

  29. GL


    Scummo will have grit his teeth and paste on a grin and accept The Beetroots “apology” and not make waves because we know what will happen if he pisses him off. Poor ickle Saint Scotty of the Marketing Mishaps.

  30. Michael Taylor


    I can see Morrison’s next photo op now: Having a beer with Barnaby and both wearing jovial smiles. Mateship on steroids.

  31. Terence Mills

    In today’s Daily Telegraph Vikki Campion [Barnaby Joyce’s consort] has called the person who leaked the texts between a minister and Gladys Berejiklian ‘a coward and encouraged them to come forward’.

    It’s getting mighty confusing out there because she’s not referring to the person who leaked Barnaby’s texts calling Scott Morrison a liar and a hypocrite. No, she’s referring to what we will call textgate #1.

    Now, as regards Textgate #2 we don’t know who leaked these texts but Barnaby has apologised to Morrison and since regaining the position of Deputy Prime Minister he no longer believes that Morrison is a liar and a hypocrite just as Gladys Berejiklian no longer believes that Morrison is a horrible, horrible person.

    Look, these people are absolutely appalling can we please consign them to the annals of history come May !

  32. Jack Russell

    Morrison has been selling greasy, stinky stuff since he was a kid flogging Vicks on TV.

  33. Michael Taylor

    Just tweeted by Bob Carr:

    “The minister who shared the text with van Onselen and gave permission to use it was Peter Dutton. If PM Morrison has one more week in free fall the prospect of a leadership change pre-election is real. Party rules don’t count if most MPs think you will lead them to defeat.”

  34. Kaye Lee


    No way would he say that if it was wrong because Dutton would sue.

    I wondered why Dutton went on 7:30 report ….I thought they were “dead” to him.

    Andrew Bolt has just written a piece suggesting Dutton oust Morrison.

    “Morrison getting desperate as time runs out
    Stinking in the polls, called a liar by his deputy, and mocked as out of touch for not knowing the price of bread, Scott Morrison looks finished. But Peter Dutton looks ready to step up.”

  35. Michael Taylor

    Beat me by 1/5th of a second, Kaye.

    “@bobjcarr’s tweet is baseless, untrue and should be deleted.”

  36. Michael Taylor

    It’s hard what to make of this.

    Dutton and PvO are two people I have no respect for, or trust, but someone isn’t telling the truth and doubt very much that Bob Carr is that person.

    And Bob’s not stupid. I’m sure he would have either checked with a lawyer before he tweeted that allegation or had absolute proof that it was Dutton.

  37. Kaye Lee

    So was Bob Carr set up maybe?

    Is it all an orchestrated scheme to call an early election?

    Who can tell anymore?

    It certainly distracts from aged care and locked up asylum seekers and thousands of kids and teachers getting COVID.

  38. Michael Taylor

    Good question, Kaye. I hadn’t thought of that.

    Can it get any murkier?

  39. Michael Taylor

    My legal-eagle wife tells me that Dutton would have to prove detriment, hence making it near impossible to sue.

  40. Terence Mills

    What has PVO got to say about this ?

  41. Terence Mills

    Bob Carr is reported to have said :

    “The minister who shared the text with van Onselen and gave permission to use it was Peter Dutton,’’ Mr Carr said.

    He didn’t actually say that Dutton was the author of the text exchange. Perhaps Angus shared it with Spud !

  42. Terence Mills

    Another angle could be a bit of mischief at a time when Dutton is ramping up his ‘drums of war’ campaign against the so called threat from China.

    First up, the new Chinese ambassador to Canberra extended the hand of friendship and a wish to get the bilateral relationship back on track.

    Dutton dismissed this and certainly has no intention to responding to the offer to reset our relationship with Beijing prior to the election : he has a different strategy and that is to work up a security risk emanating from China (whilst being careful not to disrupt our highly profitable export trade in iron ore and coal).

    Today in the SMH Dutton continues to push his war with China scare campaign and perhaps Bob Carr is just trying to neutralise what is clearly a cynical campaign strategy to scare certain sectors of the electorate.

    On the leaked text messages you may have noticed this morning that the coalition ‘talking points’ distributed to ministers are to call the coverage on the leaked texts a media beat-up and a feeding frenzy when there are more weighty and important matters that the government are dealing with. Even though the texts in question were leaked by coalition people and were against each other.

    Incidentally the government’s weighty and important business in the parliament is wholly focused on the deeply flawed and inadequately drafted Religious Discrimination legislation which they insist must be passed this week : go figure !

  43. Kaye Lee

    Bob Carr told Laura Jayes he has a “rock solid media source” . He has also tweeted:

    Only one way Peter Dutton can win his case: get another colleague to admit that they were the source for comments about the Prime Minister. If not you, Mr Dutton, which of your colleagues? Until then who has most to gain from undermining further a flailing PM?

    According to Jayes, he also claims to know that Dutton has the numbers in “an increasingly right wing party room”

  44. Michael Taylor

    ”cannonball headed thug.

    Thanks, GL. I almost choked on my coffee. 😁

  45. Hermann

    If our Chief Salesrep abandons shipt, we’ll have an election choice between the Duddton and the Elbow. Kingmaker Murdoch must be doubled over in laughter. His final push to demolish democracy must now be in sight. The UK has a bloodline eugenicist party-boy in control, Canada has a commie fanboy currently MIA, the US has a fading personality who’s sometimes with it, and WEF former Young Global Leaders Macron and Ardern sit in their respective sentry posts in France and NZ, mandating their way to ze dream and ze final solution to an unruly electorate.

  46. leefec

    The sheer irony of Duttolini (if he was the one who said it) calling someone else a psycho …

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