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Scott Morrison And The New Improved Pub Test

“If you go down to the pub and talk to small business people, they’re not talking about econometric models. The Government doesn’t need to be convinced about the need to give small and medium-sized businesses a tax cut.”

Scott Morrison, explaining why the government wouldn’t be releasing any economic modelling on the company tax cuts.

“Beer, Bazza?”


“Two beers, please… What ya reading?”

“Oh, there’s this news thing where Scott Morrison says he isn’t releasing economic modelling because people at the pub aren’t interested in it.”

“Right. I guess that’s why they’re not releasing any of those people on Nauru or Manus Island. We’re just not interested in them.”

“Yeah, and there’s a lot of other things that I’m not interested in… Like that photo of Malcolm Turnbull scrubbing that guy’s floor.”

“What photo?”

“Oh, there’s a photo of Malcolm Turnbull on his hands and knees scrubbing some guy’s floor. I’ll find it on my phone. Here, look.”

“Is this their latest idea for reducing the deficit?”

“No, the guy had his business in the flood area, so Malcolm flew up there to scrub his floor.”

“Right, I see. But I don’t get why he had to do it when there’s all those other guys standing around.”

“It’s to show how much he cares.”

“Wouldn’t it have been better to use the money spent getting him there to pay someone local to do it?”

“No, it was more the symbolic gesture.”

“Right. I get it. Malcolm gets down on his hands and knees for some small businessman to show that he’s prepared to do it for anyone and not just the Liberal MPs.”

“Well, not anyone. The guy owned a business. I mean, Malcolm wouldn’t go to someone’s house and do it, because that’d be beneath him.”

“Obviously, but I still think the guy would rather Malcolm had just said here’s, I dunno, $1.75 million, pay someone else to fix up your shop and go on a good holiday.”

“He can’t splash around taxpayers’ money like that. We’ve got a Budget crisis to solve, and because the tax cuts only extend to companies with $50 million turnover, that’s going to make it harder to encourage investment.”

“Hang on. Don’t the tax cuts reduce revenue?”

“Yeah, but the idea is that if they cut company tax then there’ll be more money to invest and they’ll hire more people.”


“Think of it like a household budget. You’ve got a limited amount of money, so you have the housekeeper coming in everyday and the gardener comes in on weekends. You get a tax cut and so you get a second housekeeper and extend the gardeners hours to four days a week.”

“Why would I do that? I’ve barely got enough work for the gardener on weekends.”

“You have a gardener?”

“No, but I was imagining what he’d do for two days because I get the gardening all done on Sundays. I think I’ll sack the lazy bastard.”

“Anyway, if you got a tax cut you could hire a housekeeper.”

“It’d need to be a bloody big tax cut.”

“Whatever, I’m sure you’re not interested in how the tax cuts are going to reduce the deficit because you’d need to look at the economic modelling for that and nobody’s interested in that.”

“Well, certainly not anyone in the pub.”

“No, and that’s the test, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, you don’t want to be releasing things for academics and journalists to look at.”

“Pity they didn’t realise that before they released that ‘Real Solutions’ book in 2013. They could have saved heaps.”

“Yeah, who’d be bothered reading that. It was enough to know that they had solutions, even if I can’t remember what the problem was.”

“A budget emergency. The government was going deeper and deeper into debt and Labor were managing it badly.”

“Isn’t the government further in debt now than when they came to office?”

“Yeah, but the difference is that the Liberals are managing it well.”

“Well, whatever, I’m not interested, so we really should stop discussing it.’

“Yeah, another beer?”

“Why not? I’ll use my tax cut.”

“But you didn’t get a tax cut.”

“No, but I’ll ask my boss for the money on Monday. He got one.”

“Oh, no problem then.”

“No, not a problem. I’ll just tell him that I used it to stimulate jobs.”

“Let’s have two then. He can afford it!”

“Four beers, please!”


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  1. Kaye Lee

    “The Turnbull Government knows how business works, we focus on the things we know make a difference because of our life experience and our background in business.”

    In 1995, aged 27, Morrison left the Property Council of Australia, where he’d worked for several years as policy head, to become deputy chief executive of the Australian Tourism Task Force. He became NSW State Director of the Liberal Party of Australia at age 32 and served from 2000 to 2004 before winning preselection for Cook under very dubious circumstances in 2007.

  2. Kaye Lee

    Currently, businesses with an aggregated annual turnover below $2 million are taxed at 28.5 per cent.

    Thanks to Xenophon, Parliament has now agreed to a tax rate of 27.5 per cent for businesses with a turnover of up to $50 million, to be phased in over the next three years.

    As an example, if a small business makes a profit of $200,000 one year, the cut of 1% would mean a tax saving of $2,000. How many more people could I employ with an extra $2,000 a year?

  3. Rossleigh

    Well, Kaye Lee, the guy in the dialogue might be able to afford his gardener for that…
    But not on Sundays, unless we get rid of penalty rates entirely.

  4. MichaelW

    Kaye Lee you don’t understand, after three years a coffee shop owner would be able to buy one of Cash’s whiz bang coffee making thingies, resulting in higher productivity and more jobs or something.

  5. Kaye Lee

    $2,000/52=$38.46 a week. I want that gardener!

    Michael, it would take me 3 years to buy Kellie O’Dwyer’s toaster. Unfortunately there would be nothing left over to pay someone to use it in the unlikely case that I suddenly got a big influx of new customers.

  6. Rossleigh

    I was imagining that it was a gardener from a high income household who wouldn’t need to be paid the minimum wage!

  7. MichaelW

    Oops, thought it was Cash not O’Dwyer who made the $6000.00 statement. Hard to keep up with all the stupid remarks being made by the coalition.
    I wonder how often Morrison visits his local pub, if ever.

  8. helvityni

    Girls, you are just jealous coz your hubby never helps you around house after work, Mal put solar panels on his roof one night just like that ( Lucy just held the torch)…

    Doing things for others, makes you happy, that’s what Dalai Lama says, and that’s why Mal is our happiest PM.

    Keating was soo rude, he made jokes about other people all the time, and Bill did not even know how use the mob and the bucket…

    I don’t think Labor politicians are very agile…

  9. Kaye Lee

    Doubt he would have the time to go to the pub with all the free tickets he has to use up. His latest declaration shows tickets to the Sharks v Cowboys match, the Dally M Awards, the Grand Final Dinner, the NRL Grand Final, the Adele concert, and 5 tickets to the netball. He may have had a few drinks with his complimentary accommodation upgrade at Turtle Island and no doubt a drink or two in his complimentary Qantas and Virgin Club lounges…or maybe even a beer or two watching his complimentary Foxtel in his taxpayer-funded electoral office.

  10. Johno

    I don’t think Labor politicians are very agile…

    Yoga would fix that. I would love to see Bill doing the downward dog pose, and the shoulder stand is good for stress.

  11. Colin

    Never quite worked out why we talk about a “pub test”, most average people don’t go there. Have you seen what they charge at the pub these days? Must be all those pesky penalty rates the poor pub owners have to pay. Still, with the tax they save, perhaps they can reduce the beer prices

  12. Max Gross

    Well, I’m still laughing…

  13. Halfbreeder

    Grossly irresponsible and highly unreasonable for a government not to undertake proper studies and make appropriate investigations before making policy and passing new laws. But thats what u get from scumbags acting for vested interests rather than for the nation as a whole.

  14. helvityni

    Johno, I’d love to see Mal and Pauline do the Argentinian Tango.

    The one who has danced with the stars, might have to take on the role of the leader here, and lead our Leader…

  15. king1394

    I’m mystified as to why Turnbull was cleaning a spotless floor.

  16. Ian

    king1394 – He’s not. He’s kissing the boots of his IPA and RWNJ masters.

  17. Rossleigh

    I’m more confused about why he wasn’t using a mop!

  18. Roswell

    Rossleigh, he probably didn’t know which end to use.

  19. Kaye Lee

    He was actually cleaning the wall under the sink (for as long as it takes to get a photo). He asked them if they could move it out to make it easier to get at the wall. Ima guessing Malcolm doesn’t understand a great deal about plumbing either.

  20. Alan Baird

    The SMH did an equally fatuous test run on the tax cuts. They talked with several tradies and asked if they were in favour of the tax cuts. Well that’s all right then. I’m waiting for an interview pertaining to my income situation being improved gratis by the govt. without effort on my part. Funnily enough I’m also going to say yes, the bigger the better. Bet you didn’t see that coming eh. Unfortunately, the result will be similar to the results ScoMo will get for his cunning plan. No largesse will trickle down to the orders below myself. Well, not money anyway, ha ha. Just sign here: I understand that if I’m not completely satisfied I’ve been had.__________________________________. Again!
    Send this form in to the Commonwealth Govt and receive free, a form to join the party. Please certify below you have already been certified and don’t need to again.___________________________________.

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