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Scott Morrison Is My Leader And I’m Ambitious For Him!

Now I’ve decided that there comes a time when one needs to put cynicism aside and get behind the leader. No, not to stab him in the back like they so often do in politics. Scott Morrison is proposing a JobMaker program and I think that’s something we should all be celebrating. Unlike JobSeeker where people look for jobs that don’t exist or JobKeeper where people keep jobs that don’t exist, JobMaker is all about creating jobs that don’t exist YET but will exist once unions agree to stop getting in the way by demanding that people are actually paid their award wage. As we have seen recently, this places an impossible demand on business people who aren’t capable of following an award or filling out a form correctly.

So we now have JobMaker. I have it on good authority that it was going to be called Jobsandgrowther until someone pointed out that it might remind people of Tony Abbott and Joe Hockey and the current government hopes that nobody realises that they were actually part of that catastrophe because the leadership team has changed so much and the ones who were still there from that time have managed to disguise themselves in ways that makes them virtually unrecognisable. Scott the “I stopped the boats” became Scottie the daggy dad who lets in cruise ships, while Peter Dutton found a Lord Voldemort costume which makes people forget that he was voted the Worst Health Minister in history. Although to be fair, only his colleagues voted on that. It was decided that Dutton should be given a ministry which would enable him to simply say that he couldn’t commit because of security concerns. Unfortunately, Dutton has grown tired of simply repeating himself and has decided to make comments on a whole range of things outside his portfolio.

But let’s not got bogged down in the detail. The most important thing is that the government has made an announcement and once the government makes an announcement, the problem is usually fixed. Or at least, fixed enough that nobody much mentions it any more, and if some “politics as usual” journalist should be rude enough to bring it up at a press conference, they can be put in their place with a simple: “We’ve dealt with this already and it’s time to move on to the issue at hand which is more important than what the Canberra bubble cares about.”

Yes, as the PM told us, we’ve succeeded on the health front, so we can forget all about that and move on to the economic crisis that we can fix by this process of bringing bosses and workers together and getting them to find areas of agreement, which I hasten to add isn’t like the old Accord that Labor worked out in the eighties. No, it’s not an “Accord” which is a formal agreement. This is a lot more relaxed and more like people getting together to determine is there a better way to ensure that those who have a go, get a go and how good is that? The big difference, of course, is that under Hawke everybody had to agree before there could be an “accord” because it wouldn’t be an agreement unless they did, whereas under our current leader, we’re just ambitious for an agreement but if there isn’t one, we already know that things have to change and we already know what the changes need to be, so it’s really just being polite by giving the unions a chance to agree before we introduce the legislation to compel them to. Sort of like when you give the person a chance to resign before they’re sacked…

So, I think it’s about time before we all got behind Scottie’s plan. He’s ambitious for it, but not in the way that he was ambitious for Malcolm Turnbull just before Malcolm decided that politics was getting in the way of his literary career. No, he has high hopes that if we can fix up the training system and get people to develop skills then JobMaker will have done it’s work in much the same way as we can get it to rain by hiring a special RainMaker who can create rain. It doesn’t happen as soon as said RainMaker goes into action, but you can be sure that after the appropriate moves, we’ll all be ready for rain when it happens.

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  1. Terence Mills

    Well if Jobmakerdoesn’t work there’s always Jobseeker or Jobkeeper to fall back on and then there is a room full of young spinners working from the office of the PM coming up with new slogans.

    A slogan led recovery !

    What can possibly go wrong ?

  2. Viki

    Hmmm, sorry Rosleigh but JobAgencies are funded millions annually to create jobs.
    Morrisson can rebrand it all he likes it doesn’t make that spade a shovel.

  3. New England Cocky

    Something about a leopard never changes their spots …..

  4. Gangey1959

    A young, bright-eyed and bushy tailed spinner with a new fangled education who gets its mucking words fuddled.
    All of a sudden we could be “Making Australia Australian” “Again”
    Or something equally not quite what is required

  5. Phil Pryor

    Rudolph More-Cock is going, shrinking, soon should expire, the old decrepit sausage sucker, so let’s make Australia understandable again, proud, advanced, honest, decent, fair. (wakes up having shat the nappy…)

  6. Kerri

    How much f**kwittery will we have to endure before every LNP member has had their “go” at being PM?

  7. Terry Riordan

    How long before we call this visionary program “ jobf*cker “

  8. Jack sprat

    If scumo is heading a job maker scheme , will that make him the head job maker.

  9. Bronte D G ALLAN

    “Jobmaker”, WTF?? Scottie, the failed advertising idiot is at it again!

  10. Jon Chesterson


    Actually if JobMaker doesn’t get up, Morrison has many new slogans and non-existent entities he can promote – GodSeeker, GodMaker and GodKeeper just to stat with. Then he can divine and ordain a God-20 App for another 6 million brainless Australians who can’t stop voting for him and the worshipful company of Liberals, bearing in mind that the nature of God must reflect the biblical doctrines of omniscience and omnipresence, otherwise the Australian citizenry, the congregation in their total religious ignorance may lose confidence in both government and church all at once, and that would be catastrophic for the economy and business community. And let’s not forget all the possible reforms and programs he could introduce, RoboGod, GodStart, a GodTax rebate, the BurningBush Crisis Fund, National God Guarantee and RenewableFlame. Some new departmental ministries: Ministry for Mines, Holy Fossils and Mythologies, Department for Religious Abuse and Domestic Affairs, and how about an Australian Tongues Directorate, a Religious Security Act and a new Heretics Crimes Squad. But why stop there when he could set up his own Loyalty, Frequent Liar and Denier program, live offshore on a remote cloud over Hawaii and run the Little Company of Australia with drones, prayers, HeavenSeeker, HeavenMaker and HeavenKeeper programs all for his mates, while he takes to regular virtual sermons on ABC News telling the rest of us, ‘Where the bloody hell we should be’ – Remembering of course, it wouldn’t be over Hawaii, but slaving away in some bottomless pit underground shovelling all that sacred shit he keeps coming up with.

  11. DrakeN

    For ‘Gods’ sake.
    Please don’t give them any more ideas on how to confuddle the already befuddled.

  12. leefe

    All I can think of now is that “jobbie” is Scottish slang for shit.
    How appropriate.

  13. Ill fares the land

    As usual, this is another example of King Morrison playing a wedge tactic. He makes himself look life he is being a leader (which he never is and never will be), but what he is really doing is an each way bet. If unions and business do come to some sort of “quasi-Accord”, he looks even better and proclaims himself better than Bob Hawke (although he could never approach Hawke’s intellect and negotiating skills). If, as he is expecting, no real agreement is reached, he then gets to play the moral righteous card – he gave unions a chance and they blew it (it won’t be that the demands of business were unreasonable, no, no no), so now it is up to him, then believing he will have his “Team Australia Cult” behind him unconditionally. The unions have to gamble that if they don’t back down on at least some employer demands, it will be worse if King Morrison gets to make his own regal proclamation (aka an Executive Order). Bearing in mind that his Ensuring Integrity legislation was not getting through the Senate, and thus it was no concession at all to say they “were not proceeding with it” – as usual, more marketing spin from King Morrison the Vacuous to try and inflate his self-annointed regal status. Anyone else think his utterly irritating smirk is getting bigger as he feels his status and power is growing?

  14. JudithW

    I’ve often wondered why Ad-men get paid more than childcare workers. Perhaps after covid19 we can change that…
    Or perhaps it’s time to vote a childcare worker into the PM’s office!

  15. Kronomex

    I’m sorry but whenever the Adman from Marketing comes up with a title like Jobkeeper and then Jobmaker all I can of is the slang term for “job” as in: Shitkeeper and Shitmaker.

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