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Scott Morrison Does It Again With Homebuilder!

“Good afternoon, we were hoping to speak to Scott Morrison about the Homebuilder scheme but unfortunately he’s meeting with Josh Frydenberg to plan their next big announcement, so we’re talking to government spokesperson, Ivor Grey Tyedear. Welcome, Mr Tyedear.”

“Thanks for having me. Obviously Mr Morrison needs to ensure that his next big announcement is something that grabs people’s attention and has everyone talking.”

“Yes, I imagine that the government is keen to avoid a debacle like the $60 billion JobKeeper stuff-up.”

“No, that was a great announcement. It was just the details of the actual program that were a problem and that’s down to the Public Service. Remember, it’s not government’s job to implement policy, we just announce it and blame those responsible for not delivering it when the time comes.”

“But that makes it sound like you announce things even though you have no idea about whether they’re possible or not.”

“Yes… Is there a question?”

“Um, ah,.. yeah… Can you just go through the details of who’s eligible for this Homebuilder package?”

“Yes, it’s quite simple. For a start, it’s means tested so people earning more than $125,000 if they’re single or $200,000 if they’re a couple are ineligible for the scheme, but if the individual is a couple then he or she is not eligible because only couples who aren’t individuals are eligible but individuals who aren’t couples are, but only if they can demonstrate their individuality. If you’re lucky enough to fit below the threshold you get $25,000 toward your renovation or build, as long as you spend over $150,000 but less than $750,000 and use a tradesperson approved by Scott Cam and agree to start work before the plans are drawn up and approved by local council.”

“It does seem that places a rather large number of restrictions on it…”

“Yes, there’s a ridiculous amount of red tape involved in local council decisions. Once upon a time you could knock down some old so-called heritage building to construct a coal-fired power station next to a hospital or a school without all this need for environmental approval but sadly those days are gone.”

“No, I meant there’s unlikely to be many people who are eligible.”

“Ah but that’s where you’re wrong. Many, many of our biggest constituents have taxable incomes of less than $1000 a year but in spite of this they manage to make the necessary sacrifices to send their kids to a good school and still demonstrate their thrift by not only having several investment properties but still being able to donate to the Liberal Party.”

“It’s also been suggested that not many renovations would cost as much as $150,000…”

“Well, I don’t know where you’ve been getting your marble kitchen benches and your gold taps from but I’d suggest that they may not be the genuine article.”

“So why was this given priority over other industries?”

“Well, we were concerned that tradies are likely to find that when their current work finishes there’ll be a shortfall in the number of jobs.”

“Yes, but tradies have generally been still working. Why was this done in anticipation of a shortfall when people in tourism, hospitality, the arts, universities are all facing a lack of work now?”

“Oh, so you’re one of those anti-tradie elitists who think that the intellectual know-it-alls should be handed a living just because they believe in climate change and watch the ABC…”

“I have no figures on how many baristas and kitchen hands watch the ABC, but what would it matter if they did?”

“Well, it wouldn’t if the ABC were providing balance but lasts week’s QandA, for example, had a number of people who oppose the government’s stated policy on climate change without any attempt at balance.”

“They had Matt Canavan.”

“Exactly. He doesn’t support our stated policy, he only supports our actual policy of helping coal as much as possible.”

“So you can’t offer any help to the industries I mentioned?”

“Of course we can. The PM and Treasurer are working on a program where people in those industries can be given assistance providing they can prove they weren’t receiving any government benefits from 1864 onwards. If they don’t have records going back that far, we can assume that like those who were issued with demands under the income averaging scheme…”

“You mean Robodebt?”

“We don’t use that term in my office.”

“Because it’s not the correct name?”

“No, because it’s got a terribly bad press just because some people reacted badly to being issued with a demand for a large amount of money.”

“So if the person doesn’t have a debt then they’ll be eligible for some government assistance?”

“Now I don’t want to preempt the PM or the Treasurer, but no, not necessarily. If they can prove their lack of bad debts, then there’ll be a few other qualifications because we can’t have people getting it if they’re not entitled to it.”

“But you determine who’s entitled to it, so the more qualifications you put on it the harder it is for someone who really needs it to get it.”

“Yes, that’s the intention. If we give handouts to needy people they’ll end up needing it and then they’ll have no incentive not to need it...”

“Can you give me an example of some of these qualifications. Let’s take a comedian as an example, because the Comedy Festival was cancelled leaving many without any chance of recouping the outlay they made on things like flyers and booking fees.”

“Ok, well, we’d need to check that the comedian had been funny for a period of twelve months leading into the Comedy Festival and this would entail checking their jokes to make sure that there was nothing inappropriate or too politically correct…”

“Hang on, doesn’t policing jokes to ensure that they’re not politically correct amount to a sort of new PC?”

“No, it’s really simple. Something is only politically correct if politically correct people object to it. If someone like Scott Morrison objects to a joke, then he’s just expresses a personal preference but if someone with enormous power like say, someone with 24 followers on Twitter complains, then they’re stifling free speech.”

“Anyway, so imagine someone has been funny for twelve months, are they then eligible for… what are you calling this one ClownKeeper?”

“Don’t be ridiculous! It’s called ComicKeeper. Anyway, that’s just the start. They have to prove that they earned the sort of income from their comedy that would enable them to do something like a $150,000 renovation, and if they weren’t that funny then maybe they shouldn’t have given up their day job.”

“What if their day job was washing dishes?”


“But there aren’t too many dishwasher jobs. I mean they would have lost that one too…”

“Well, maybe they should have become a tradie like Scott Cam suggested…”

“Sorry, but we’re out of time. Thank you.”

“A pleasure.”


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  1. whatever

    Sorry to be OffTopic, but………
    The hysteria about the Black Lives Matter rally is being driven by HardRight Uglies in the LNP (and NSW Police) and the various racist
    minor parties who have leaned heavily on Gladys B. to get her to outlaw the rally.

  2. Phil Pryor

    Black lives matter, but not to right wing arseholes who fancy they are supreme in their mediocrity. Seig Heil!

  3. Phil

    According to the rally organizers for tomorrows Black Lives Matters rally scheduled for tomorrow in Sydney, which was knocked back in the Supreme Courts. It is still lift off for tomorrow. So action aplenty for tomorrow. It will be better than ‘ Rumble in the Jungle ‘

  4. JudithW

    I wonder if the ATO will cross reference people who earn less than $125k with people spending $150k+ on home renovations…

  5. whatever

    As regards the Homebuilder stuff, Scotty continually used the ‘keeping the dream alive’ phrase when talking about it today.
    This is the phrase John Laws has been using for years at the start of his show.
    Government by TalkBack Radio.

    There were two rallies held today by potato farmers complaining about imported chips, in Tasmania and Victoria. No Government intervention in these protests.

  6. wam

    My friend is worried on two fronts:
    He gets 250k but deducts it to no tax is he eligible??
    Do his franking credits and his wife’s count?
    His grandson has the same name but doesn’t own a home can he build for him?
    What about his investment houses.
    He is a card carrying national and his family were liberal friends of tom playford will that help??

  7. Terence Mills

    No, it’s a lot simpler than that.

    You decide you are going to do a home reno and it’s going to cost around $35,000 but you only have $10,000. So you get on to Dodgy Brothers Renovations and ask them to give you a quote for $150,000. You send the quote in to Scottie from marketing and he sends you a cheque for $25,000.

    You are then at liberty to proceed with the reno or pocket the money or perhaps get some pink batts installed.

  8. Terence Mills


    He is a card carrying national and his family were liberal friends of tom playford will that help??

    The cheque’s in the mail !

  9. RomeoCharlie29

    Well said, Rossleigh. I am bemused by this latest brainfart policy from SFM and Friedanegg. Commit to spending $150k and you stand to get $25k. In the NT the government has, several times in recent years provided tradies support schemes for homeowners but in their case ( well in the latest example) you can put in $1000 of your own money and get $4000 from the scheme or put in $2000 and get $6000 from the government. These schemes have been so popular they are always over-subscribed. You will notice they also require less from the applicant than they do from the government, not the reverse as the feds new brainfart suggests. I can see another huge policy failure coming up and, as usual, it will be anyone but the government’s fault. And meanwhile the dynamic duo are still refusing to extend Jobkeeper to the million plus who are excluded by stupid conditions, and still promising an end to the Jobseeker supplement in September. We really have to get rid of these incompetents.

  10. Matters Not

    There’s some details still to be provided I suspect. Imagine a renovation estimated to cost a total of $600 000.00 – does that 1 project receive a subsidy of $25 000 in total? Or can it be completed in stages? What about the $600 000 cost if split into 4 separate projects of $150 000 each? Can each of the 4 projects get the subsidy of $25 000? What if the 4 separate projects are with 4 different builders? Or if the 4 separate projects are with 4 separate companies owned by the one builder? Can the owner (the wife in this instance) receive the subsidy for the addition of two bedrooms plus a chef’s kitchen while the husband gets the subsidy for a new attached garage, plus a snooker room with an attached office containing a spa and a dumb waiter?

    Remember Hewson and the wedding cake? Perhaps an enterprising journalist might wish to provide a well-thought out interrogation?

  11. Stephengb

    Once again the LNP provide ample scope for the wealthy and businesses to rort the public purse

  12. wam

    heard the fukwits on ‘the today show’ saying how much more incompetent was the pinkbatts affair.
    Not much chance of redress when labor is represented by what’shisname ‘kennett’s clown’?

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