Right, just remember that you read it here first.
Any day now, ScoBro will cancel the government. I mean, they can’t go all the way to May of next year without everyone noticing that the only reason for replacing Turnbull was that Rupert Murdoch said so, and Morrison and company are having trouble working out what to do because Rupert hasn’t actually given them any specific instructions. And to think it’s the Americans worried about foreigners interfering with the democratic processes.
(As an aside, I’m calling Rupert Murdoch a foreigner because he’s a citizen of the USA, having renounced his Australian citizenship. Yep, he can’t be an actual MP. If anyone tells me that he was born in Australia so he’s Australian, I hope they’re not the same people who told me that I can’t keep saying that I couldn’t call Tony Abbott English.)
Lately, the Liberals have been changing their minds even more often than they’ve changed their Prime Ministers. Let’s look at all the cancellations and sudden changes over the past few weeks.
- Parliament was cancelled so that the leadership could be sorted out.
- Malcolm Turnbull’s leadership was cancelled
- The Emissions Reductions part of the NEG was cancelled
- The Guarantee part of the NEG was cancelled.
- The NEG itself was cancelled.
- Malcolm Turnbull resigned as an MP
- The investigation into bullying was cancelled because those women decided that they weren’t being bullied after talking to the PM.
- Scott cancelled COAG telling us that this would only lead to less TimTams being eaten in Canberra. (This is an actual statement of his, in case you think that I’m just making a pathetic joke!)
- The Coalition cancelled the idea of the Westminister system where misleading Parliament was a sackable offence by deciding that Peter Dutton didn’t actually mislead Parliament because when he said he didn’t know the people requesting special treatment with the au pairs, Dutton was using “know” in the Biblical sense.
- The announcement of an extra $4,000,000,000 to the private schools cancelled the whole idea of needs based funding in education and any idea that the Liberals actually believe in a fair go. Unless, of course, you “have a go” by hiring a lobby group to ensure that you get one.
- And today, our decisive PM changed his plans at the last minute and didn’t appear at press conference in Wentworth which Kerry Phelps gatecrashed. It must have been last minute because it caught the Liberal candidate by surprise.
So, it seems only reasonable to presume that Scott will announce that he can’t continue with such an obstructist Parliament where he keeps having women wear red and people moving no confidence motions. He’ll claim that an election will give us all fresh air and it’s the one sure way to unite everyone behind Rupert.