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Prime Minister Scott Morrison delivers immediate drought relief, delivering rain in NSW & Queensland

A satirical post by Alan Nicholas

Hitting the ground running, the 30th Prime Minister of Australia, Scott Morrison delivers on his “immediate priority” to fix the drought, delivering a reasonable drizzle of rain on drought-stricken NSW. Bypassing his contentious party room, ScoMo spoke directly through prayer in a private conversation between himself, his god and the Bureau of Meteorology weather app.

When questioned as to why his prayers were not made or met sooner, PM Morisson pointed to the previous Labor government. “What we inherited from Labor when we took office in 2013 was a spiritual disaster,” specifying “we had a Labor Party worshipping volcano gods by goat sacrifice, strongly influenced by the Greens who believe in some far away sun god. An absolute basket case of spiritual mismanagement.”

A spokesperson for the Bureau of meteorology concurred that this was indeed an unexpected rain event prior to the seven-day forecast being released at 4:10pm a week earlier. “We at the bureau have faith in the power of prayer to create both major and minor rain events and faith that our funding will be renewed in the next federal mini budget.”

Labor leader Bill Shorten congratulated the Prime Minister on his election to the “top job” and on “making it rain”, before defending his parties record, “During the Rudd-Gillard-Rudd governance we had strong growth in annual rainfall, but no one will ever know because they don’t read these articles all the way to THE END, do they?”


6 comments

  1. John Boyd

    Funnily enough, a similar thing happened when Bob Hawke’s government was elected. I remember a delightful Pryor cartoon in the Canberra Times depicting Hawke in Moses like robes descending from the mount with his stone tablets, saying ‘Well, that’s fixed the drought, now for the deficit’, or some such. Actually that drought did break. It was the last time I have seen Lake George full to the roadway.

  2. Vikingduk

    Little snotty achieved this miracle by firstly travelling well beyond the black stump and anointing the sacred ground with his brilliantly xtian piss. This sacred ground was initially proclaimed by the dutton/abbott thing, a simple 5 bed mansion that is rumoured to be the place downer first discovered the joys of x dressing, experimenting with stockings, finally deciding on the fishnets.

    As we can see by the current precipitation, it worked. Snotty finds he is the devine being and will proclaim himself as dogs gift to humanity, telling all and sundry that the sun now shines out of his arse rendering solar power irrelevant, superfluous and unnecessary.

    Coal is king, says snotty, you’ve met my little mate, blacky, that gorgeous little lump that did the rounds of parliament, we’re very close, says snotty, I pray to him every night.

    Let the crusades begin, says snotty, we’ll kill that bill and all the unbelievers, grind them into the dust of LNP lies and hypocracy bringing in a golden age of inequality, peasant bashing and fucking all those climate science believers.

    Onward xtian soldiers, says snotty, we have disasters and destruction to inflict on those that aren’t us.
    ,

  3. diannaart

    Beg to disagree with you, Alan Nicholas. Satire you say? I think not. Perhaps unknowingly, or guided by some sort of supreme power, which has nothing better to do than watch over a tiny little planet in an ordinary solar system, on the far-flung arm of a galaxy gazillions of light years away from the centre of the universe …

    … WTF where was I? What you described really happened except after Shorten’s goat sacrifice did not work, he offered his youngest daughter, Clementine, to Tim Wilson which, strangely, achieved nothing (usually nubile virgins work miracles upon the delectation of the the LNP and the aforementioned supreme being) .. therefore the Bureau of Meteorology have praised the elevation of the holy ScoMo.

    Watch the storm clouds gather …

  4. Vikingduk

    And the reason that goat sacrifice didn’t work was abbott’s incessant bleating — stop the goats/axe the max and as a few of us have heard, timmy would rather root a boot, which is why he hangs with the parrot (a. jones).

    At the moment our snotty is busy smiting that heretic hadley, a fine start for the mega Devine snotty as he guts decency, compassion and honesty, bottling his holy blood to anoint the chosen.

    Halefuckingluyaaaa. Snotty has arisen, fear no more.

  5. lawrence winder

    Hallelujah… Da lord be prized… thoughts and prayers are most efficacious! Hallelujah.

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