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Peter Dutton Launches Rossleigh’s Predictions For 2019

For the past week, I’ve been planning to write my predictions for how the PM’s Coalition Curry will become too difficult for anyone to swallow thanks to overdoing the dill.

Unfortunately for me, Peter Dutton set the ball rolling early with his interview earlier this week. However, not to be deterred, I’ve decided to pretend that didn’t happen and to start my predictions with the Dutton interview.

  1. Dutton will blame Turnbull and others in the party for their poor showing in the polls.
  2. Various Liberal MPs will say that Dutton’s comments aren’t helpful.
  3. Dutton will argue that pointing out his comments aren’t helpful isn’t helpful.
  4. Turnbull will remind everyone that he’s no longer in Parliament and it would be helpful if everyone just ignored him and focussed on the future.
  5. Tony Abbott will say that Turnbull’s comments aren’t helpful and if he really wanted to be ignored he wouldn’t have done the interview telling the party to focus on the future.
  6. A Liberal backbencher will suggest that it would be helpful if everyone stopped talking about themselves and concentrated on the government’s achievements like getting the Budget back under control and marriage equality.
  7. Another backbencher will suggest that it’s been over a year since the equality thing and we still haven’t done enough to protect religious people from being forced to arrange cakes and bake flowers against their will.
  8. This will prompt Barnaby Joyce to announce that he’s not the father of any children born to any Sky News journalist but he’s prepared to marry them anyway because that’s the sort of man he is, a strong believer in the traditional family.
  9. Scott Morrison will make a video where he stands behind a barbecue. As he turns over the sausages, he will give us a little homespun wisdom reminding us that he and his colleagues have been busy giving a go to all those who’ve had a go and how we all know who’s having a go because they’re the ones who are in the top tax brackets. He will then cut a sausage in half and tell us that it’s not fair that anyone should only get half a sausage, while the government takes the rest.
  10. Some ABC commentator will run with the analogy and suggest that the richest are getting more than one sausage so it’s not that they’re getting half a sausage, it’s that the government is taking more sausages from them because they can afford it. This will lead to another ABC commentator suggesting that the richest are very good at playing hide the sausage.
  11. Matt Canavan will put in a complaint that ABC is destroying family values by talking about hiding sausages when they should be talking about the great opportunity Adani presents for Australia.
  12. Another Liberal will quit to sit on the crossbench, blaming infighting, bullying and an obsession with sausages from the leadership.
  13. Said Liberal will be roundly criticised as not being helpful.
  14. Craig Kelly will suggest that things haven’t been the same since Tony was leader.
  15. Tony will say that he’s happy to be helpful in any capacity.
  16. Scott Morrison will announce that Labor have made Parliament unworkable by moving amendments and motions that are liable to succeed. As a result, an election must be called without allowing Bill Shorten to make a mockery of our sacred institution by defeating the government on the floor of the House. He will announce a seventy day campaign period.
  17. Someone says that it’s nice to see the PM in caretaker mode because he hasn’t seemed to take much care about anything else before.
  18. Dutton will revoke the citizenship of the person saying it on character grounds. When it’s pointed out that the person was born in Australia to Australian-born parents, he will explain that the Nauruan government has just given them citizenship and they’re being flown out as we speak.
  19. Bill Shorten will begin his campaign promising a strong, unified government.
  20. Sky After Dark will start to run stories suggesting that there are leadership tensions in the Labor Party and that this makes them unfit for government.
  21. Scott Morrison’s concession speech will suggest that it was Malcolm Turnbull’s disloyalty that brought them all undone.
  22. Christopher Pyne will suggest that Scott’s comments weren’t helpful.
  23. Immediately after their election loss a number of LNP members will join Cory Bernardi’s Australian Conservative Party, leaving the Liberals with nine MPs in total.
  24. Alan Jones will suggest that the remaining Liberals are all communists and that the might as well join The Greens. Some of them take him at his word.

Ok, it may not play out exactly like that, but after 2018 who’d be surprised?


41 comments

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  1. CoralieN

    You left out one thing.
    Malcolm Turnbull will come back as an Independent or a leader of (l)iberal progressive party of Australia.

  2. Cool Pete

    Well, there is the possibility that Jane Caro will defeat Botty. And maybe Botty might join Bolt and the bolt non-report will be renamed The Two Little Botties. And hopefully, Gestapotato will be so badly hated by the Liberal Party that he’ll lose Dickson, try to see if there can be a by-election in Macpherson, where he will be rejected and try to join One Neuron.

  3. David Evans

    Nothing about murdoch, rhino, and the ipa leading the fiasco “government” by the nose to oblivion.

  4. Terence Mills

    The question is, can Sky after-dark afford to employ all these ex Liberal dills ?

    They will need another $30million cash injection from Mitch Fifield !

  5. John Boyd

    Coralie: The least likely of all. Turnbull has no concept of liberal or progressive, unless he could see a route to PM, the second least likely.

  6. pierre wilkinson

    The thing you neglected to mention in your otherwise prophetic article is the absolute necessity of the incumbent government to manufacture a disaster/apocalypse/terrorist plot and the shrill claims that Labor will open the borders to dole bludging/job stealing/terrorists whilst simultaneously ruining the economy/doubling national debt -(wait, they did that themselves, but will still blame Labor)-/lose all the jobs and growth predicted to bring down a surplus…. and of course, eat your babies.
    Meanwhile, can we see Barnanaby brought to justice over the Murray Darling Water rip off, or Michaelia finally answer a question, and learn the fate of dear old Kathy J.?

  7. Rossleigh

    To be fair, pierre, I didn’t point out that the sun will rise either. Some things we can just take for granted…

  8. David Bruce

    Where do these criminal gangs in our parliament get their instructions? Is it Murdoch, the City, the banksters, big oil, the Vatican, Washington or all of these and others outside the Australian voting system? I would love to see more than 2 large lobby groups posing as political parties pretending be the adults responsible for building a better future for our children and grandchildren.

    There are 3 big trends which will influence Australia and the rest of the world in the immediate future.

    One of them is new technologies. In addition to artificial intelligence, these include robotics, big data or even autonomous driving.
    Furthermore, demographic change is a big trend: topics include consumers in emerging countries and an aging population.
    Third, climate change is playing an increasingly important role with issues such as water scarcity.

    I hope the alternate government of Australia has the policies, plans and priorities to ride the waves of these trends!

    http://deutsche-boerse.com/dbg-en/about-us/insights/Interview-with-Matteo-Andreetto—Cooperation-is-inevitable-/3344220

  9. John Boyd

    David Bruce…at the risk of sounding boring, the alternative government just held its national conference at which all the major issues got a going over, but with little press coverage, mainly, I guess, because there was no drama, like leadership challenges. Conference finalised the party platform which will be available on line soon. I am sure that you will find bits that are not to your liking, or do not go far enough, as many party members will do. But on any issue they have to be better than the LNP. Disclaimer: I attended the conference as a party member observer. And it was great to be there.

  10. MattersNot

    Re:

    … gangs in our parliament get their instructions …

    Usually the What to do and the How to achieve same flows from their ideology. For the Liberals, it’s usually rooted in the notion of a free market. Conceptually, it’s where the prices for goods and services are determined by the consumers. But when the political going gets tough, and the market mechanism fails, desperation sets in and any ideology will do.

    Take the current costs of electricity as an example. Competition between providers (the market mechanism) was supposed to drive prices down but with the advent of cooperation between providers prices have skyrocketed. What to do? Easy – use government to intervene and disregard completely their core beliefs.

    As for the Nationals, they are complete pragmatists. Whatever it takes – with never a principle to trouble their thinking.

    Lots of talk that Rupert Murdoch is still pulling the strings on a day to day basis. Not so. He’s now passed the baton to his offspring. But the strategy and tactics live on.

  11. Matters Not

    Looks like Dutton’s failed to do his homework – once again.

    Australia’s attempt to strip citizenship from an alleged recruiter for Islamic State has been thrown into doubt after Fiji reportedly said he was not one of its citizens.

    Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton said on Saturday that the country was much safer after the government revoked Neil Prakash’s Australian citizenship.

    Canberra believes Prakash — who is wanted over an alleged plot to behead a Melbourne police officer — is a dual national as his father was Fijian

    Seems that Dutton doesn’t have a political bone in his body. Not so his head. While bare of hair – lots of bone there. Perhaps Turnbull will be invited to comment?

    https://www.malaymail.com/s/1708132/australias-bid-to-strip-islamic-state-recruiters-citizenship-hits-snag

  12. wam

    I have always been a half empty bloke who reads what he thought he wrote. A bloke who escaped indoctrination but learnt devil’s advocacy so well that I cannot avoid lying. Mistakes are, therefore, easy.
    I have been scribbling here, off and on, for 5/6 years and I have thought rossleigh was a girl’s name. But I think no less of you.

    Loved 9 ‘El sausages’ because the breakfast sausages at the hotels the pollies frequent are smaller than half the bbq sausage we eat. Perhaps such a diminutive offering makes them suitable for the indue people of Australia?

    May you be toasting your prediction 23!

    I will hope:
    there is much pyning at the loss of Sturt
    The rabbott meets Ms Calisi
    Adam Brandt gets beaten
    Billy rises to his beaconsfield level.

  13. New England Cocky

    Your unusually accurate crystal ball shows interesting futures.

    Meanwhile in New England the representative of the National$ for a 19th century future have just announced their policies for the 2019 Federal elections.

    1) All women shall leave the work force to provide suitable jobs for the men returning from the War.

    2) Single women, or single parent women, will be no exceptions.

    3) It will be announced at the next Party Annual Conference that women are best suited by nature to be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen, except when they are in bed playing Papal Roulette.

    4) Education policy will require girls to only take home economics courses like needle work, cooking, house cleaning and gardening, with exemptions for private girls schools allowing education for grazier’s wives.

    5) Biology without any mammalian reproduction units will prepare the girls for adult life.

    Don’t laugh too much ….. 1) and 2) were government preferences under Menzies Liarbral government in the 50s.

  14. New England Cocky

    As for Benito Dutton, perhaps he is planning “the least worst option of a March” Liarbral leadership election before a snap May Double Dissolution election to cement his place in Australian political history.

    Napoleon observed, “Never disturb your enemy when he is making mistakes”.

    Would somebody check that the Contact AIMN link is working. I cannot get it to work.

  15. Henry Rodrigues

    This is as accurate a script as you can get for the disaster awaiting the coalition dickheads. Can’t wait to see their mugs the morning after election day. Bunch of self serving bastards.

    Thanks Rossleigh.

  16. Terence Mills

    Matters Not

    What Dutton has done with this ministerial ability to cancel the citizenship of dual citizens is trying to flick the problem, in this case to Fiji because the individual has a father of Fijian heritage.

    The law as it previously stood only applied to dual citizens convicted of an offence with a sentence of six years or more in prison.

    Morrison said before the law was changed that “there will be no condition on the length of sentence” but would still only apply to to dual nationals. This follows the international standard that a state cannot withdraw citizenship from an individual and thus leave the individual stateless.

    The standard for stripping a dual citizen of Australian citizenship has now been lowered, so the minister will only need to be “reasonably satisfied” that a person would have another citizenship.

    Morrison said this would mean if a person were born in a country that automatically grants citizenship to those born there “that would be sufficient” for the minister to revoke their Australian citizenship.

    So, the standard for removal of Australian citizenship has bee changed from an objective standard (i.e the individual holds or is entitled to hold another citizenship) to a subjective standard (i.e. the the minister is reasonably satisfied that the person could have another citizenship).

    The director of the Fijian immigration department has said that “unequivocally the 27-year-old Prakash had never held or sought Fijian citizenship. The (Fijian) law states that if you are born outside of Fiji the father has to apply for citizenship for the child, his father hasn’t applied for it.”

    Prakash was born in Australia and is of Fijian-Indian and Cambodian heritage, and the government’s understanding was that he held Fijian citizenship, but this is clearly not the case and even if an application were now made for Fijian citizenship it would likely be denied.

    So, Dutton due to his fundamental laziness and incompetence has made an Australian citizen stateless which, no matter how you may feel about the individual concerned, is unlawful under international law.

  17. helvityni

    New England Cocky, WOW…. for Menzies!!!

    Why not let the war-weary men rest, and put those ‘ídle’ women to work….

    In Finland, and I believe in Russia, women were happy to take ‘heavy’ jobs in building sites, when times are tough , anything goes….

    I have seen slim old ladies carrying a heavy load on building sites in Indonesia…..on their heads….

    PS. What happened to the Liberals’ Fixer, Pyne, has he stopped fixing….?

  18. wam

    Beauty, Terence, Fiji has taken the view that the recalcitrant lnp conservative judges should have taken in the dual citizenship debacle

    The idea that the parliament of a foreign country can decide the citizenship of a person born in Australia is preposterous. Fiji has shown us the politics of the folly of the high court decision.

    At the time I hoped that some smartie like winston peters would pass a law that giving nominal access to kiwi citizenship to all Australian politicians who visited his country.

  19. New England Cocky

    @wam: Perhaps a more appropriate solution could occur after the 2019 Federal election when all Liarbral Notional$ politicians who lose their seats could be interred on Manus while they await trial for treason against the Australian people.

    NZ is a nice place and they don’t deserve to be infested with any more failed Liarbral politicians.

    @Helvityni: The women were forced to give up their financial independence, which at that time was very little, but enough, and returned to the kitchens to give the “fighting men” back their civilian jobs (in some cases).

    @Terence Mills: Nice piece, thank you.

  20. Rossleigh

    Seriously though, you’d have to think that the stripping of Neil Prakash of his Australian citizenship was another example of the master political genius of Peter Dudd’un. Sure, it sounds good when you’ve had a few beers with your colleagues. Let’s play the terrorism card and show we’re tough. And sure, nobody is likely to actually ask why it took so long. Even less likely is anyone in the media actually suggesting that as we’ve been unable to extradite him to stand trial here, the government is trying to save face pretending we don’t want him here at all.
    But like so many of the things this Clayton’s government does, it seems that nobody has thought about what’s likely to happen.
    Did they really think that Fiji was going to say, “Australian terrorist whose only link to us is that his father was born here? When can we give a big welcome home to our prodigal son returning?”
    If you think about Dutton’s logic in this for a second, Point 18 seems more like a real possibility than satire!

  21. John Hermann

    You can be certain that they will all be pushing the line that the Coalition are “better economic managers” than Labor, and that they will get the budget “back in control” by implementing budget surpluses. Not to be outdone, Labor’s shadow Treasurer will continue with his absurdly infantile line that Labor’s surpluses will be bigger than the Coalition’s surpluses.

  22. Kronomex

    Peterito Duttonolini: Proof that knuckle dragging cavemen aren’t extinct. If he doesn’t get the boot at the election then I have a feeling that he’s going to try, yet again, to take over as leader. He reminds me of Tonda (but he looks more like the huge dinosaur poo from later in the film) from the movie Caveman only less intelligent.

  23. helvityni

    Petër(Albanian) Botros, Boutros, Butrus(Arabic) Bedros, Petros(Armenian) Peru, Petri, Peio(Basque) Peter(Biblical) Petros(Biblical Greek) Petrus(Biblical Latin) Per, Perig, Pierrick(Breton) Petar, Penko(Bulgarian) Pere(Catalan) Botros, Boutros, Butrus(Coptic) Petru(Corsican) Petar, Pejo, Perica, Pero(Croatian) Petr, Péťa, Peťa, Petřík(Czech) Peder, Peter, Peer, Per(Danish) Peter, Petrus, Pieter, Pier, Piet(Dutch) Peter, Peers, Pete(English) Piers(English (British)) Peeter(Estonian) Petur(Faroese) Petri, Petteri, Pietari, Pekka(Finnish) Pierre, Pierrick(French) Pitter(Frisian) Petre(Georgian) Peter, Petrus(German) Petros(Greek) Bitrus(Hausa) Pika(Hawaiian) Péter, Peti(Hungarian) Pétur(Icelandic) Peadar, Piaras(Irish) Pietro, Pier, Pierino, Piero(Italian) Pitter, Pit(Limburgish) Petras(Lithuanian) Petar, Petre, Pece, Pero(Macedonian) Petera(Maori) Piers(Medieval French) Petruccio(Medieval Italian) Pièrre(Norman) Peder, Peter, Petter, Peer, Per(Norwegian) Pèire(Occitan) Piotr(Polish) Pedro, Pedrinho(Portuguese) Petre, Petru, Petrică(Romanian) Pyotr, Petia, Petya(Russian) Pedru(Sardinian) Peadar(Scottish) Petar, Pejo, Perica, Pero(Serbian) Peter(Slovak) Peter(Slovene) Pedro(Spanish) Peder, Peter, Petter, Pierre, Peer, Pehr, Pelle, Per(Swedish) Pedr(Welsh)

    In Australia; from Peter via Peterito to Potato…

  24. Rossleigh

    Yes, John Hermann, I wonder if anybody will point out that a Budget surplus has a contractionary effect on the economy and, given their mantra of “jobs and growth”, this would seem to be a contradiction.

  25. CoralieN

    @John B, agree not a SSIH but Malcolm seems to think that he’s still the best one for the job. He would only want to get back in because of ego. Poor chap must be completely bewildered ATM.

    He doesn’t realise that we all see his true colours now & would never trust anything he says.

    The one thing that may get him in, are the illcontented, they’re looking for another path & by the look of things there are 43 libs looking for a new home. He has had time and still does, if election is held in May. He may even be able to grab a few illcontents from other parties. Quite a few around.
    Would have to be intelligent, wealthy people who live in the right neighbourhood LOL, he’s such a snob.

    No matter what, Malcolm isn’t finished yet. No falling on the sword for him.

    New party or independent… I believe new party would be his choice.

    Coralie

  26. Matters Not

    Terence Mills re Dutton and his hasty stripping of Neil Prakash’s Australian citizenship, it seems to me that there might be a few legal hurdles yet to be jumped. (What process/steps did the Minister undertake to become reasonably satisfied etc.) But probably not – because who is going to take up the cause of a person who in all probability will be spending some considerable time in a Turkish jail. Certainly not the Opposition who doesn’t want to afford Dutton any more publicity that he has already generated for himself re Border Security. Nevertheless I would like someone to bring Dutton before the judiciary as they are probably itching to give him a legal thrashing or two as a sharp reminder that we do have a separation of powers (of sorts) in Australia.

    As an aside, a tourist guide I met some years ago told me that prison life in Turkey as depicted in the film Midnight Express was pretty close to the mark. The irony is – that same guide is in all probability now in a Turkish prison. Haven’t tried to contact him for some time because correspondence from an outsider would not be welcomed at this point in time. Lots of paranoia in Erdogan’s Turkey at the moment and has been for years.

    Re Midnight Express – (It is based on Billy Hayes’ 1977 non-fiction book Midnight Express and was adapted into the screenplay by Oliver Stone. Hayes was a young American student sent to a Turkish prison for trying to smuggle hashish out of Turkey.)

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midnight_Express_(film)

  27. Andreas Bimba

    Breaking news. Peter Dutton just said ‘Rossleigh would make a better Prime Minister than Malcolm Turnbull.’ Can’t argue with that. 😉

  28. John Boyd

    CoralieN: Good point. What is SSIH? Showing my age? He certainly fits the Menzies image, which is not of a progressive ‘small l’ liberal, but a born to rule tory. His success was to move policies sufficiently to the ‘left’ for want of a better term, so as to suck in the more progressive elements of the party, and sufficient numbers of lower middle class workers, who were experiencing an unprecedented rise in living standards, largely due to the Korean war! ‘Two bob capitalists’ is the phrase that I recall. Remember that as a party they fought to destroy any national health system or national superannuation scheme.

  29. paul walter

    Good one Ross. Just in the mood for it.

  30. wam

    dear NEC,
    To be ineligible to sit in canberra a pollie just has sniff of a dual citizen winston seems to have the sense of humour to close down the Aust parliament by making anyone who had been to NZ or china, america anywhere qualify to have access to citizenship. There is no need to actually have it??

  31. Matters Not

    Note that today, Dutton (under pressure) passed responsibility for the decision (he announced) across to ‘officials’ and then used his political back door to admit that an appeal was part of the citizenship stripping process. Not that one should expect that appeal process to begin in the immediate future.

  32. paul walter

    Terence Mills, MN, sympathetic. Who can understand what forms a paranoic deranged nazi mentality?

    Helvi for epic petros post.

  33. Matters Not

    CoralieN re:

    No falling on the sword for him

    Sorry – he’s already done that trick. Very openly – for all the world to see. In party political terms, the Liberals will regard him as a failed experiment – in the same category as Malcolm Fraser. Best he’s forgotten and quickly. A political comeback of any type (in the Federal Parliament) is impossible

    Labor are much more forgiving. What with life membership for Rudd (a man who didn’t qualify to be even a member of the ALP in Queensland until they bestowed union membership in absentia) and so on. Yes Latham was always a bridge too far. Now a rat. But who knows what the future will hold. Here in Queensland, Jack Egerton even became a Knight of the realm.

  34. CoralieN

    @JohnB not a Sh**Show In Hell

    @Matters he didn’t fall on his sword voluntarily, so not as effective as a proud fall. Malcolm, when he got spilled by Abbott, did the same thing as he’s doing now. Telling public that climate change is the most important thing, we all swallowed it, hook, line and sinker. Morrison fooled him into believing he had his back, while sharpening his knives to get rid of Dutton.
    Now Turnbull has to do one more thing before he departs.
    That is to prove to himself that he is still popular within the party and with the public. What better way?

    There will be tears LOL.

  35. Kaye Lee

    Fijian Prime Minister Frank Bainimarama insists Australian-born Islamic State member Neil Prakash cannot go to Fiji “because he does not qualify”, deepening the stand-off over which country has responsibility for Prakash’s citizenship.

    Dutton said the Fijians were advised “some time ago” of the government’s declaration.

    But Mr Vuniwaqa, the director of Fiji’s Immigration Department, has been quoted by the Fiji Sun saying that he has not spoken to the Australian government.

    “I’ve not spoken to the Australian Minister for Home Affairs or the Australian government in regards to Neil Prakash,” he said.

    https://www.smh.com.au/politics/federal/fijian-pm-says-terrorist-neil-prakash-cannot-go-to-fiji-amid-deepening-row-20190103-p50pcz.html

  36. Diannaart

    Could Duddsy be telling porkies?

  37. Terence Mills

    Dutton is definitely telling porkies and blaming it all on some mysterious committee who advised him.

    Effectively Dutton has made Prakesh stateless and whilst nobody has any sympathy for Prakesh the issue is about a broad discretion that this minister has to declare anybody a non-citizen based on his reasonable assessment.

    Dutton badly wants Labor to speak out and point out his blunder and as soon as they do he will come back punching Labor is soft on terrorism and border security. We’ve seen this movie before.

    edernnats

  38. Kaye Lee

    It’s just typical of Dutton’s arrogance that he thinks “advising” another sovereign nation of his decision means it is done and dusted. Who cares about the law? Who cares about respect? Who cares about communication and negotiation? What P Duddy says goes in his fantasy kingdom.

  39. Diannaart

    If I created P Duddy (🤣) as a character in fiction … potential publishers would find this loathsome QLD toad beyond belief.

    In fact, I find the majority of the coalition beyond credibility.

    The horror is there are sufficient numbers of these numbnuts; they reinforce their limited ideology. So much for the often vaunted “broadchurch”, in fact that’s the thing about churches, there needs to be a common belief, doesn’t have to make sense, just needs sufficient numbers holding the same delusion.

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