How will they sell the tattered remains of a discarded and discredited rabble?
The thinning of the Tory herd has provided their tattered remnants with an opportunity for renewal, for some introspection on their electoral drubbing, for a dash of humility or contrition as redress for the embarrassment that was that Jesusing, self-regarding calamity DiddleyScott Morrison.
The light shone on their monetising of crises, their turpitude, cronyism, incompetence and mendacity should’ve elicited a profession of regret or apology or perhaps some distancing from the most odious of their spivs. Now that we’ve been spared many of the colourful personalities who’d come to define the character of the L/NP they could’ve dialed back the awful.
Two outstanding examples of the colour that has drained from their ranks are persons of girth Gorgeous George Christensen and Craig Kelly, both having voluntarily left the building – Georgiebuoy to flog RWFW merch and his conspiratorial fucknuttery via his poor man’s Alex Jones social media, while Cray Cray’s status as “our next Prime Minister” has been down-graded to bouncy castle consultant.
Another of my favourites was Eric Abetz. When, like Eric, you have real Nazis in your family tree – great uncle SS Standartenführer Otto and then also Erwin Rommel, an alleged cousin of his maternal grandfather, you’re a sitting duck for innuendo and cheap shots. Who am I to resist such temptation?
If Eric had harboured any ambitions for launching a panzer attack on Stalingrad he kept it fairly quiet; his right wing fuckwittery was kept within the traditional Tory boundaries of racism, homophobia and cutting the wages of lowly-paid Parliament House cleaners. Eric’s appeal to proto-Nazis in the Tory base became redundant once the embaldened Dutton-dressed-as-yam became tuber supreme.
A broad sweep of other funsters was also lost to the L/NP. They cover a range of personality disorders from a-holes to Zed. Canny share trader Diamond Dave Sharma, blunderkind Joshie Frydenberg, shrubbery lurker Andrew Laming, Red Gladys Liu aka Bimboo (she’s a thick Chinese plant), Mandy-Jane Stoker (somewhere there’s a camel missing its toe), prayer room supplicant Tim Wilson and that tosser Greg ‘Berkeley’ Hunt. Christian Porter the Tory princeling and darling of the born-to-rule set, those entitled types who complain about the bald kids getting priority in the queue at SeaWorld, had his privileged, consequences-free life evaporate as he punched himself in the face with futile lawsuits against those calling him out for the dirtbag that he is. After such a cleanse how have the Tories behaved?
Hint: They’re not taking it well.
Sulking and public tantrums were on display from the “natural party of government” as the lolly jar was removed from their grasp. Toys were chucked, dummies were spat, fainting couches were deployed. Tory-spruiker talk shows indulged the pouting and shouting from the remaining dross that populates the smoking ruin of the Lying Nasty Party. As if to demonstrate that women can make it in Tory politics provided they are just as egregious as the men the umbrage was led by Holly Hughes, most notable for her pearl necklaces (subliminal messaging as to Holly’s favourite past-time perhaps) and her crusade against the Marxist ideology of the teaching profession and her dismissal of climate change as a “luxury issue”.
When confronted with their malfeasance the Tories are capable of embarrassment but not shame. They circle the wagons – obfuscating, quibbling, blame-shifting and projecting albeit while blushing and looking at their shoes. Any regret is only ever at getting caught.
DiddleyScott led the Nasties to new levels of heinous behaviour, clad in his belief he had celestial licence to indulge his megalomania. Can the Nasties change? They won’t. Morrison and his messiah complex may be toxic and while now a figure of derision he moved the dial on acceptable behaviour way beyond norms and conventions. He tested what he could get away with; who knows what he was capable of had he been re-elected. The stench still clings to the shady characters who survived. I doubt that Spud has the inclination, the character or the stones to do anything about it.
This article was originally published on Grumpy Geezer.
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