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Not About The Election – Well, Maybe A Bit But I Thought You’d Be Sick Of It So I Lied!

Ok, my connection to the internet keeps pausing and I get this little circle spinning round and I don’t know who or what to blame.

That’s ok, because I could take a leaf out of the Liberal’s playbook and just blame Labor. Not Telstra, not my computer, not myself… and certainly not the NBN because it’s apparently ahead of schedule and cheaper and that’s why the NBNco was concerned about the theft of intellectual property…

Although “theft” wasn’t the reason for raiding the Labor Party offices and homes, it was some obscure antiquated law which actually makes the reporting of almost anything the government does illegal.

But like, I said this isn’t about the election. I’m not even going to talk about how Malcolm Turnbull completely dominated Bill Shorten in last night’s Q and A debate, in spite of not turning up. Gee, Malcolm didn’t put a foot wrong, whereas Bill…

I mean what was he thinking…

Bill suggested that there should be a treaty with the aboriginal people.

Gee, it’ll be hard enough to get something put in the constitution acknowledging that they were actually here prior to 1770 because that’s the sort of divisive stuff that leads to accusations that we invaded when we were actually invited in. Just like we were invited to invade Iraq by the USA… Oops, sorry, just like we were invited to picnic in Iraq and get rid of any annoying pests like ants and anyone who threatens the oil supply.

As Malcolm said, Bill should be “more disciplined”. The linguist in me, has a bit of a problem with this. However, I’ve asked him what he’s doing in there and I’ve suggested that he must have come by boat and therefore it’d be better if he wasn’t heard at all and we certainly don’t need reporters poking around because they may ask just what the linguist means and he’d tell them that one cannot be “more disciplined” just as one cannot be “more unique” or “more pregnant” and I’d have to tell them that it’s not as clear as that and Bill could have been more disciplined in much the same way that Malcolm has been disciplined by his party every time he says the words, “republic” or “climate change” or “I’m leader”, which means that he’s been “more disciplined” but the linguist is still maintaining that it simply means that he’s been disciplined more often in much the same way that a woman (or seahorse, just so I’m not accused of sexism by that feminazi, Malcolm Turnbull!) who’s been pregnant ten times is not “more pregnant” than someone having her (or his) first pregnancy!

Where was I?

Ah, yes, drinking that bottle of Grange that I forgot to send to Barry Unworthy…

Mm, no, it’s not a bottle of Grange, strange that I would forget such a thing.

Still, so long as I don’t mention the election, I suspect that you may just be able to stay awake long enough that I may urge you to…

God, I can’t remember why I started this is what I’m trying to convince you or why…

Suddenly, I understand Malcolm Turnbull and I don’t even have a bottle of Grange!!!

5 comments

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  1. paul walter

    The spinning circle and its various playmates, like the hour glass and the various incomprehensible messages about stuff you wonder what the f-k it is talking about…”the thingie has been moved to the trusted group module” and various error nonsenses. They are blessings when you are off somewhere investigating something you always wanted to know about, but by god they are an obstacle course for someone like myself, who wasn’t brought up with them and whose head is not particularly spatially inclined.

    Someone was commenting the other day about the absence of George Brandis, one of the fuglies they have “hidden” over the election in order not to offend people.

    You can bet he is eagerly off somewhere in an ASIO office finding out who is defying the censorship/ whistleblower laws or not.

  2. helvityni

    As a newcomer to Oz I asked my Anglo neighbour what does being ‘ more pregnant’ mean. Does it mean that you going to have more than ONE baby, or are you just getting ‘more big’, bigger, as the months roll by..?

  3. MalPractice

    A photo of a couple of Jesuits and a war criminal. These three are about as fake as the Orlando shootings.

  4. vivienne29

    I know how you feel. Great writing.

  5. totaram

    I always enjoy your pieces. They do come up with some witty observations. Of course, it’s Labor’s fault that the NBN is so wretched. Don’t you know? They were going to bring fiber to the home and it would have been worse! And they would only have delivered it in 2030 at ten times the cost!

    If anything should determine that Turnbull loses his seat, it should be his “Fraudband” – the greatest act of treason committed on the Australian people.

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