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Murdoch and Morrison – partners in grime

If asked to nominate a politician with a penchant for titty bars I suspect most people could name the distended Member for Manila and ping-pong ball fieldsman Gorgeous George Christensen. Gorgeous G, a devout Christian, is somewhat sensitive about the curiosity aroused by his frequent perver points at iffy Filipino dives where the sticky carpets are not solely a consequence of spilled beer. Press reports of his 28 trips and almost 300 days spent hanging out in the Philippines were vile smears according to our travelling vagophile. To be fair there should be some sympathy reserved for a bloke who can’t see his own genitals without the use of a mirror on a selfie stick – there’s the deprivation factor to consider. And we should stop fat shaming Jiggle-O George. He already has enough on his plate.

Then there’s Kevin Rudd, the heedless man in topless bar and another conspicuously pious Christian who famously detoured into a Manhattan “gentlemen’s’ club” that traded in overpriced booze and the display of ladies’ pink bits. Apparently Kev was taken by surprise when confronted by a pert pair of areolae and a freshly-shaved flange and legged it for the exit. (After surviving FBI raids and ex-Mayor Rudy Giuliani’s crusade against smut, Scores nightclub is now closed.

Kev, a practicing, purse-lipped Miss Prissy was duly mortified after the local Murdoch mulch fortuitously published the story when, as Opposition leader the bible-toting Rudd was favoured to win the 2007 election. What Kev and News failed to anticipate was his popularity increasing as a consequence. What Kev also seemingly failed to realise at the time was that the bloke who’d steered him into the strip joint was not his pal.

Col Allan was Murdoch’s New York Post’s editor, the longest-serving editor at News Corp and a “Dubbo boy with a fondness for beer, women” and peeing into the office sink. Rudd was then Opposition foreign affairs spokesman. Whatever bonhomie that may have existed between the two at the time was not to last.

The scrotum squeezed through a shirt collar that is Rupert Murdoch lauded Allan as “one of the most outstanding editors of his generation.” Murdoch also stated, without irony or the hint of a piss-take that “Col has sought…to hold the powerful accountable, to assail corruption and to have a positive impact in New York and beyond.” Integrity, truth and decency earning Rupert’s respect? Apparently it’s revenue that does it. “I’ll get fired not because Rupert doesn’t like the stories I put in the paper. I’ll get fired because we don’t sell newspapers” Allan told Lloyd Grove in a 2007 New York magazine profile.

Allen is the Murdoch myrmidon responsible for the crude front page splashes and blatant propaganda in News Corp’s Daily Guano denigrating Rudd and the Labor government. You have to question the standards of sleazy New York nudie bars when this is the type of trough snorkeler they allow onto the premises.



Murdoch is the price we pay for a free press. The dullards, bigots, RWNJs, offence seekers, non-registrants on the IQ bell curve, the perpetually confused, car crash spectators, the venal and the lazy have a right to have their opinions formed for them. The Murdoch manure machine’s usefulness is otherwise limited to teaching dogs to read or for prepatory hygiene in proctologists’ waiting rooms. Unless of course you’re an otherwise unemployable hack or a Tory politician.

The bile and merde produced by the monkey’s typing pool of Murdoch wazzocks, pizzle ninjas, racists, planks and coprophiliacs could be mostly ignored if it wasn’t for its ubiquity and dominance and it’s hands-down-each-others’-trousers relationship with an outrageously corrupt, punitive L/NP kakocracy.

This is taking liberties with the concept of a free press. It is not holding power to account – it’s a protection racket for gangsters and their cronies.

Criminals don’t like scrutiny. SchMo’s tactics for avoiding a federal integrity commission include everything short of calling in a bomb threat – it’s a guilty plea by default. After exposing Sports Rorts the national audit office had its budget cut at a time when unprecedented government largesse is being distributed. SchMo’s national cabinet is run in secret with fossil fuel mates being granted open slather to salt the earth and poison the atmosphere regardless of dodgy return on investment or a rooted planet. Tertiary education is being dumbed down and kept out of financial reach of enquiring minds. Various #gates bubble away. Promised millions in disaster relief goes undistributed while a bloated, smirking practitioner of POETS day cooks curries and assembles flat-pack cubbies and chook pens for the cameras.

The list is long, ignored or spun by the Goebbels and Riefenstahls of News Corp.

Prominant amongst Murdoch’s bilious minions we have the Queen of confected outrage, Alan Jones, safely isolated in his Southern Highlands luxury estate from whence he broadcasts for Sky News and writes columns for News Corp, telling us now there is no pandemic despite earlier stating that “We are living in the world of coronavirus and the most repeated statement we hear is, we must listen to the experts”. When you’re an opinionated blow-hard consistency is entirely dispensable and hypocrisy a tool of trade.

Miranda Devine (aka Marge – I can’t believe she’s not better) piled on Quaden Bayles, the Indigenous kid with achondroplasia dwarfism who was being bullied at school, claiming it was a scam to make money. What sort of broken individual does that? Apparently it’s OK with the Rupester, as she’s now spewing her poison for his New York Post. If hacking a dead kid’s voicemail is OK then…meh!

The Cruella DeVile of politics, Peta Credlin, found herself at a loose end after steering feral friar Abbott’s government into the blackhole of public opprobrium. Apparently self-immolation sits well on a CV when submitted to News Corp, so long as you’ve acquired the requisite RWFW credentials where Pete scores an A+, offsetting the F she received at a road-side breath test. Pete’s now desperately trying to raise her miserable ratings on Sky News by grandstanding at Dan Andrews’ Covid press conferences where, much to her chagrin, she simply comes across as a tragic, look-at-me shrew.

Melbourne’s village idiot Andrew Bolt has the coherence of a drunk on a bus shaken awake by a pot hole and when Ivan Milat died Bolt’s position on the list of Australia’s worst people went up one place. In a battle of ideas he’s holding the beers.

Murdoch himself was deemed not a fit person to run an international company following the UK’s Leveson enquiry. The stench goes all the way to the top and sets a standard for the bag carriers and apple polishers such as Rita Panahi, Rowan Dean, Chris Kenny and their fellow bloviating detritus who work for the wizened old bastard.

Murdoch apologists suggest that his political influence is over-stated. It’s surely coincidence that three western democracies being pillaged by governments-by-brown-paper-bag are Murdoch’s markets.

King Conkers, the apricot nut in hi-viz makeup of orange spackle topped by mangy, yellowed road kill can retain office only because of the Fox News cheer squad of blonde barbies who’ve discovered that pneumatic boobs and good teeth can get them a better paying gig than blowing quarterbacks under the bleachers ever could.

The UK has a wardrobe malfunction as Prime Minister – who let the boob out? A bloke who sees a challenge in outdoing Trump in the I’m so incompetent I’ll kill thousands of my constituents stakes. Murdoch boosted Boris’s Brexit because, in his own words, 10 Downing St does as he tells them while Brussels tells him to fuck off.

SchMo and Co will ignore Kevin Rudd’s petition for a Royal Commission into Australian media diversity even though it has 368,000+ signatures.

Big Big George and the Reverend Kev both found out that Rupert will throw anybody under the bus. In George’s case it was for titillation, in Rudd’s it was mendacity and self-interest – Abbott could be trusted to obey orders and blow up the NBN to protect FoxTel’s revenues. Morrison will be aware that Murdoch can turn, so pending a heart attack or Jerry speeding up the inheritance by sitting on his face a tad too long, there will be no Royal Commission.

* * * * *

Supplement – Fun with anagrams

Bridget McKenzie – begrimed neck zit

Peter Spud Dutton – doped nut sputter

Scomo Morrison – SOS micro-moron

Michael McCormack – Cecil Cram-Hammock, chemical crack mom, Micmac – clam choker.

Josh Friedenberg – John Beefgirders, John Edger-Fibres, Jib Dogfreshner, Jobs Fingeredher

* * * * *


Col Pot’s war on Rudd: how the tabloids turned under Allan. Crikey.

Col Allan is back to help figure out the post-Trump coverage – Vanity Fair

News Corp editor Col Allan retires – The Guardian

Kick this mob out’: The Murdoch media and the Australian Labor Government (2007 to 2013) – Global Media Journal


This article was originally published on Grumpy Geezer.

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  1. Ken

    Good one Grumpy

  2. marie lewsey

    Great read, very descriptive & funny, but all so true

  3. Phil Pryor

    Well said and sharply accurate.., the Merde-och Huge Pot of Turds is a suppurating mess, despoiling the nation, which once had good prospects as a people’s “paradise”. We fought for and got the decencies of a basic wage, forty hour week, arbitration and social justice, a bit of the theoretical ” fair go”, but, since the gradual fascistic takeover of corporate oppression, with absolute deliberate ignorance of morals, ethics, decency, legality, honesty, this is a good thing being bled by parasites, maggots, infestations, poxes, (think Bolt, Akerman, Devine, Credlin, Albrechtsen, Hildebrand, etc) political perverts, of which a foreigner, Merde-och is the leader. The old manifestation of a cast off diseased foreskin is driven by peculiar attitudes, fuhrer like will, domineering intolerance, egoswollen self infatuation and a keenness to outdo his father’s scheming rottenness. What shit. Ignorance is king in the land of braindead serfs.

  4. Heather Cam

    I was not too impressed with Rudd and pushing his religion but he did overthrow Howard and that was a very good thing. At least he was not RC nor Hillsong. Even though very popular in his time Rudd was not a cultist. Keating rightly should have stayed on as opposition leader and we would have got rid of Howard after one term. Instead it dragged on and on and the Australia we live in at the moment is the direct result of Howard wrecking things with high seas curses, forcing the punitive GST on us which swallows up time with all the extra tax lodgments for small businesses. ie. way too much tax which is not healthy. Service should not be taxed. And they forget that pollies are public servants and meant to serve the people. We have lost the real concept of service after it was taxed, worldwide. Rudd is doing well out there now with protesting the Murdoch Empire so all kudos to him. Where are the rest of the ex. PMs and pollies on the social level?…hardly anywhere.

  5. Kathryn

    Once again, a truthful insight into the worst, most corrupt, toxic and undemocratic alliance in our nation’s history – the appalling fascist and self-serving collaboration between the internationally condemned predator, Murdoch with the insufferably smug LNP (truly the most corrupt and inept government in living memory) and the Murdoch/LNP-supporting “Unelected Swill” (to quote Paul Keating) in the IPA! Grumpy Geezer, once again, exposes the level of corruption in a manner that is brilliantly astute and enormously entertaining!

  6. Dave G.

    Unquestionably grumpy geezer this Government is rotten from the top down,but I’d bet a pint of Guiness that they will win in 21/23.Why? because the greedy outnumber those who give a bit more thought to the problems that are facing us.I have no answers, voting against your best interests is now entrenched in the Australian psyche.

  7. New England Cocky

    Geez GG, you missed the latest conspiracy theory; Trumpery is keen to push up the death toll from COVID-19 in the USA (United States of Apartheid) so that all the votes from the dead at the time of the presidential election may be counted as votes for Republican candidates, including Trumpery.

    Fiji overcame the Murdoch media-ocrity by legislating that a Fijian national only could own media mastheads in Fiji. Perhaps we need the same legislation here banning foreign ownership of news mastheads.

  8. David Stakes

    Having Jerry sit on his face until he expire is a far too good a way to go for this wizened old cretin that passes as a Human.

  9. Roswell

    Pure gold, GG.

  10. Barry Thompson.

    Laugh a minute and also too true.

    Keep them coming Grumpy.

  11. Bert

    “The scrotum squeezed through a shirt collar that is Rupert Murdoch”
    Geez GG, you owe me a new keyboard….. Just had a mouthful of ye finest India pale ale exit my gob and nose when I read that. Fekkin brilliant.

  12. Jimmy

    Absolutely spot on grumpy.
    From first word till the last.
    A must read for all the brain dead voters out there.

  13. Brozza

    I’m with you Bert and GG.
    “The scrotum squeezed through a shirt collar that is Rupert Murdoch”
    Best and most apt line I read in a while.

  14. daisy

    I think the idiot Mouthy Murray will be upset he didn’t get a mention – obviously I’m not the only one who thinks he is a waste of space !! your description of the other trolls was perfection !!

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