On a recent tax-payer funded world tour, the Minister For Impulse Buying And Medicare, Ms Susssan Leybor’s-Faultneway sold Medicare.
A spokesman for the Minister told us: “It wasn’t a planned sale. She just happened to be on her way back from Paris where she went to make an announcement on the health benfits of climbing the Eiffel Tower when she stopped in New York to check if there were any stakeholders living in that part of the world and a man approached her, asking her if she had any public health systems that she wanted to sell. The sale wasn’t planned or anticipated and all travel was within entitlements unlike those greedy people who mislead Centrelink and need to pay it back.”
When asked about it, the PM refered people to the Minister’s statement fifteen times before being pressed what this did to his complaints about Labor’s Mediscare campaign. He reminded us that he wasn’t responsible for any actual policies so couldn’t be held accountable if promises were seemingly broken. “Look, I haven’t made a decision apart from what colour tie I wear since 2009, so it’s really nothing to do with me!”
With Labor calling for the decision to be overturned, the Deputy PM took the front foot and began talking about something else entirely in the hope that he might once again remind us that this was not the sort of thing that voters cared about. “When I’m stopped in the street, people have totally different concerns from the Canberra elites. They’re not asking about things like same sex marriage or climate change or Safe Schools. They know that I can’t explain these things. They want to know how I manage to keep so calm when faced with Labor’s bloody mindedness everyday. They want to know how to put food on the table which I can explain because it’s a simple matter of taking it from the fridge or stove and placing it on that four-legged item of furniture with chairs around it.”
When it was further revealed that the sale was to a Coalition donor, a spokesman for the government assured us that there was nothing unusual in that. “You’ll find that nearly all of our sales are to donors of the Party. Frankly, they’re the only ones who can afford it, so I don’t see why it should be a problem in this particular case. I suspect that it’s only because the minister is a woman. Next you’ll be asking how many shoes she bought on the trip and making all sorts of sexist suggestions about female ministers, which is just absurd because the PM has increased the number of women in Cabinet by 400%.”
The actual minister concerned was unavailable, having decided to spend time actually having a close look at her investment property in the Gold Coast. The spokesman explained that she was unable to have a close inspection when she purchased it, as she was busy with official business, but now that she’d sold of most of her portfolio, she had plenty of time on her hands.