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Making plans for Malcolm

By Ross Sharp

Malcolm seems a pleasant man, happy in his work.

We only want what’s best for Malcolm.

Malcolm has a nice smile. A nice smile in a symmetrical face.


Malcolm likes to speak. And he loves to be spoken to.

Malcolm is the Prime Minister of Australia.

Turnbull. Malcolm Turnbull.

On February 8, 2016, Malcolm announced …

“$4 million each for the Little Scientists and Let’s Count programs as part of the National Innovation and Science Agenda. 350,000 more pre-schoolers will now have access to these programs which will help to inspire Australia’s next generation of innovators and entrepreneurs.”

On February 4, 2016, it was reported

“Up to 350 positions at Australia’s Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation (CSIRO) will be made redundant, with its climate research divisions to bear the brunt of the job losses.”

Because … “Successive federal funding cuts, including a $115m reduction in the 2014 federal budget, have seen the agency’s staffing levels shrink by 20% in the past years, equal to around 1,400 jobs.” and … “that science and research roles were hit hardest by the cuts.”

On October 21, 2015, at the Prime Minister’s Prize for Science ceremony, Malcolm said this

“We have to recognise the central role of science and the work of scientists and people who follow the scientific method.”

Scientists, he insisted, were key to Australia’s goal to remain a “high-wage, generous social welfare net, first-world economy”. Science literacy was vitally needed not only in universities, but in primary and secondary schools.

Is Malcolm confused?

Once upon a time Malcolm “was a staunch supporter of marriage Equality, even publicly expressing his support for a free vote (conscience vote) in Parliament on the issue”, and on May 26th, 2015 Malcolm said this

“If you think about, say, the British Commonwealth, if you think of the old Commonwealth, the Dominions, they are all now supporting same-sex marriage.

“Australia I suppose is the odd one out or is the one that has not yet turned its mind in a parliamentary sense to reviewing the law.

“The point is the context has dramatically changed and we can’t be blind to that.”

However, “in his first speech to Parliament as Prime Minister, Turnbull wasted no time in casting a cloud over the prospect of marriage equality anytime soon. His decision to opt in to a plebiscite (national vote) instead of a conscience vote in Parliament highlights how politics can overshadow beliefs.”

Malcolm wants to spend $160 million to ask Australian folks all over a question, the answer to which is already known.

I’ve had pisses that have lasted longer than Malcolm Turnbull’s convictions.

In the five months since ousting Testicles Tony from the top job to the relief of a most happye nation, Malcolm has spoken long, and at large, on and about many things. He has spoken coherently and intelligently, on domestic violence, climate change and homelessness, science, research, medicine, all manner of things

“In October last year, he told the New South Wales state council of the Liberal Party: “We are not run by factions.”

The line elicited more than giggles, in fact. It got great guffaws. And groans. And interjections – among them “Come off it!” and “Should have worn gumboots!”

Smiling uneasily, Turnbull took on the interjectors.

“Well, you may dispute that,” he said, “but I have to tell you, from experience, we are not run by factions, nor are we run by big business, or by deals in back rooms.””

Behold, Our Malcolm of The Immaculate Moral Equivalency.

A Proud Man, A Vain Man, and now a Man Captive to the antipathetic obsessions of those comically narcissistic conceits of pure political ideology and the men and women who BELIEVE them, the dog-eat-dog, f*ck-your mother and I Spit On Your Father’s Grave No Frills trademark so historically beloved and embraced by his Firm, the Big Business and Billionaire Corporate Conglomerate otherwise known as The Liberal Party of Australia.

Malcolm ain’t nothin’ but the mongrel breeding bitch of the puppy farm now.

An Empty Man.

A Nowhere Man.

Doing NOTHING the best he can.

Malcolm speaks of “reform”, but there is and can be no “reform” from Malcolm for Malcolm is not in charge as much as he would like us to think, instead there continues, in the tradition of his predecessor, a cruel Calvinist covenant of neither works nor grace, but of banishment and desolation.

No law, no love, just a bleak oppression of body and soul, not entered into willingly, but thrust upon our heads and shoulders with a savage and relentless force under the guise of a new austerity, difficult “challenges”, unending “crises”, and a cycle of perpetual threats and constant dangers which are forever menacing our great state, may Advance Australia Fear.

Everything old is new again.

What does Malcolm stand for?


He must be happy in his work.

His whole future is as good as sealed.

They’re making plans for Malcolm.

They only want what’s best for him.

He just needs a helping hand.

Ross Sharp regularly loads up and lets fly on his own blog site; Smelly Tongues

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  1. diannaart

    Malcolm knows his place, which is why he expects everyone to know their place – places have been carefully explained to Malcolm by those who organised his place.

    Malcolm’s place is keeping the seat warm for ScoMo. Good man, Malcolm, could be a delightful overseas posting for him when all is done, somewhere the wine is top class, the food a gourmet’s delight and the weather warm – but not too warm, Malcolm doesn’t like things too hot.

  2. Ben Van Brakel

    Great article –

  3. babyjewels10

    Malcolm is very confused, he’s lost sight of his own ideas as they’re replaced by the ideals of his party. In another time and place, he might have been a nice man. But here and now, he’s just seen as a turncoat and a fake.

  4. David (other)

    Malcolm is an arsole

  5. musicinhills

    This is as good an article to tell you about a horrid dream at 2 am this morning and had to get up any way i dreamt julie Bishop was our next Prime Minister but the dream it self although sketchy now was bloody awful and she was very confident every body loved her i have been sick all day.

  6. cornlegend

    cheer up, it could get worse Bronnie could be her deputy P.M.
    Ah… the Bishop girls

    now I wanna throw up

  7. Backyard Bob

    Malcolm is an arsole

    Malcolm is a politician. The question of the degree to which we blame the man or blame politics is one which, probably, no-one here will give a damn about, but, whatever …

  8. margcal

    babyjewels10February 9, 2016 at 8:45 pm:
    Malcolm is very confused, he’s lost sight of his own ideas as they’re replaced by the ideals of his party.

    No, no, no BabyJ.
    Malcolm only ever wanted to be prime minister – whatever it took, no big deal. Black is white this week, next week it’s green, the week after …. who knows, he doesn’t care, he’ll agree to whatever gets him what he wants.

  9. Backyard Bob

    Malcolm is very confused

    If true, that would actually be a somewhat comforting thought. Its current truth value, however, is pretty hard to determine, so I guess it’ll have to be slotted into the “hope” box.

  10. Aortic

    Too patrician for mine.

  11. Carol Taylor

    Basically, Malcolm has the moral fibre of a bowl of suet pudding. Malcolm will try to run the country as if it was a corporation, pity about all those pesky human be’ans who worry about things such as equality, fairness and justice.

  12. Glenn K

    where I come from you would have to say “Malcolm is an asshole”. This does not naturally come from being politician, but it helps in this country. Sadly, too many voters have the intelligence of toilet paper, so Malcolm fits right in. He’ll use them to wipe himself – but with a smile on his face, and the voters will be happy because he will tell them they are the “high quality soft brand”…….

  13. Backyard Bob

    equality, fairness and justice

    Ah yes, the triple vanity of the Left. They love to crap on as though they own those concepts merely by placings them in print, forgetting all the while that such concepts have no objective reality and only exist as defined. I fear they have forgotten what they even mean by such catch-words, or if they have a vague idea, how to argue those ideas with any substance.

    Words are easy. If those of the “Left” don’t think “equality, fairness and justice” is less sloganistic than “Stop the Boats” then they are hopelessly deluded.

  14. Pilot

    Change hands BYB, you’ll go blind!

  15. Florence nee Fedup

    The looks that the PM gets on his face scares me more that any on the face of Abbott. Did anyone note the smug, aren’t I clever look on the PM’s face and grins on ministers behind him. including FM Bishop when leaving Question Time.

    Apparently he thought his effort at not answering questions but attacking Shorten with issues that were raised in TURC was all that is needed to keep him out in front.

    Such action was on list of talking points list that was leaked. So I suspect this is going to be his modus operandi from now on. One that is used when you can’t answer what is asked.

    Doesn’t give one any confidence in seeing any good governance from this mob.

    What I seen yesterday was a nasty sanctimonious prick with nothing to offer.

  16. David (other)

    @ pilot :-), nice one.

  17. Wally

    Poor Malcolm is merely a stick man.

    / l \
    / \

    A somewhat disfigured one.

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