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Liberals Complain That The Facts Are Showing A Distinct Bias Against Them!

Interviewer: Good morning, today we have the Treasurer of Australia, Mr Hoe Jockey, Good morning, Mr Jockey.

Jockey: Good morning.

Interviewer: Now, apparently while you were in New Zealand, you were quoted as saying that the Budget was not in crisis…

Jockey: Sorry, where did you get this information?

Interviewer: Well, it’s been reported in a number of newspapers, as well as appearing on the Internet.

Jockey: Amazing. You mean something that I say in another country can make it’s way all the way to Australia?

Interviewer: Of course.

Jockey: Ah, well it just goes to show that there’s no need for that fast broadband that Labor was wasting all that money on.

Interviewer: But what about the substance of what you said?

Jockey: What about it?

Interviewer: Is Australia’s Budget in crisis or not?

Jockey: That depends.

Interviewer: On what?

Jockey: Well, for a start it depends on what country I’m in.

Interviewer: How does that work?

Jockey: In Australia, it’s a crisis because we shouldn’t be comparing ourselves to other countries. But when I’m in another country, it’d be rude if I didn’t. And when I do, we look pretty good.

Interviewer: Why shouldn’t we be comparing ourselves to other countries when we’re in Australia?

Jockey: Because other countries are irrelevant. We should be comparing ourselves to the best we can be.

Interviewer: And what’s that?

Jockey: That’s when the government is running huge surpluses, while business and mining pay no tax, and the unemployed are all working or studying or in jail, and people stop going to the doctor because they’re not suffering from anything that won’t fix itself if you give it long enough.

Interviewer: But how can you say that the Budget isn’t in crisis when you’ve been saying that it’s an emergency situation for the past couple of years.

Jockey: I’m not sure that a crisis and an emergency are the same thing.

Interviewer: Whatever, what’s changed?

Jockey: Look, if we’re just going to get bogged down with semantics, the essence of my argument will be lost.

Interviewer: I was trying not to get bogged down in semantics.

Jockey: So in other words, you don’t care about the difference between one word and another?

Interviewer: It’s not really that important. I’d like you to answer my question.

Jockey: Well if words aren’t important, there’s not a lot of difference between saying that there’s no crisis and saying that there is!

Interviewer: Mr Jockey, what’s changed? Why is there no longer a Budget Crisis in your opinion?

Jockey: Well, we got elected! Everything’s ok now.

Interviewer: How does that work?

Jockey: It’s just the way it is. Don’t you remember Costello’s debt truck before the 1996 election. It went around tell us about our enormous balance of payments problem and how households had billions of dollars of personal debt. Then we got elected and nobody cared that it tripled over the eleven years of the Howard Government.

Interviewer: So just because you got elected then the crisis is over?

Jockey: Well, it is for us. Look, when Labor left office they left a debt of $283 billion. What’s the debt now?

Interviewer: I don’t know.

Jockey: No, that’s not right. The answer is: Who cares?

Interviewer: But surely people will be upset when you tell them this…

Jockey: Oh, I don’t intend to tell them.

Interviewer: What about this interview?

Jockey: Gee, do you think people will find out?

Interviewer: Of course they will – just like your New Zealand comments, it’ll go straight on the Internet!

Jockey: Bugger! Opposition was so much easier. I just can’t get used to anyone actually paying attention to anything I say.

Interviewer: If it’s any consolation, nobody takes you seriously.

Jockey: Are you from the ABC? That sounded like bias to me. Alan Jones never treats me like this.

Interviewer: That’s all we’ve got time for!

Jockey: You’ll have even less time once I’ve cut your funds. Hey don’t publish that bit. Come on, that was off the record…

 

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19 comments

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  1. frontad84

    The North Sydney Member’s demeanour
    Could’nt be very much keener
    But his actions are that
    Of a fat spoiled brat
    Who has a firm grip on his wiener.

    That blubbering fool Joe Hockey
    May aspire to become the top jockey
    By dislodging the Chimp
    But we don’t need a wimp
    Who can’t let go of his cocky.

    “H” stands for Hockey and Hypocrite too
    Our make believe Treasurer who hasn’t a clue
    In that head of solid bone
    There’s just nobody home
    Like the rest of the Liberal Zoo

    Hockey lives in a kind of a stupor
    Deluded with thinking he’s super
    But with Finance this prick
    Is as dumb as a brick
    With his pea brain wedged into his pooper

  2. Rob031

    I’m waiting for various journalists to start quizzing Hockey on his bizarre behaviour in this respect.

    Bet John Clarke and Brian Dawe do a sketch on it this coming Thirsday.

  3. Michael Taylor

    Don’t hold your breath waiting, Rob.

  4. Graeme Rust

    This will cause trouble with toni dum dum, after him saying for the last three years or more that there was a budget emergency, it’s the start of eleventy’s run to take stupids job off him, be very careful jockey , you could finish up at Naru on the wrong side of the fence.

  5. Nick

    Is this actually a quote of something or something you’ve made up? Please say either way and reference material.

  6. Kaye Lee

    As Ross has said before, this government makes it very hard to write satire 🙂

  7. Carol Taylor

    On the subject of the Age of Entitlement..

    Senator Brandis was outdone by Queensland Liberal National MP Bert van Manen, who claimed $5220 in publications entitlements last year – mostly on children’s, craft, sporting and cooking books. Mr van Manen’s purchases included 101 Great Rugby League Players, The Encyclopaedia of Woodworking Techniques, The Complete Book of Vegetables, Herbs & Fruit and children’s books such as Lola the Lollipop Fairy, Edwina the Emu and 38 copies of Incy Wincy Spider.

    38 copies of Incy Wincy Spider… 😯

    http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/politicians-age-of-entitlement-20140726-3cma8.html#ixzz38fJ3xMkG

  8. Ronny

    Was this interview for real?? This comment is too out there even for Jockey…………….. Jockey: That’s when the government is running huge surpluses, while business and mining pay no tax, and the unemployed are all working or studying or in jail, and people stop going to the doctor because they’re not suffering from anything that won’t fix itself if you give it long enough.

  9. Anne Byam

    Darned if I know what to say to any of this … article or comments !!! The ‘interview’ is cleverly done. Clarke & Dawe would be jealous.

    Anyway, I think I will just shut up ( for once ), sit back and watch what happens – here, in the media and wherever else this all gets an airing …. particularly the blatant turn-arounds Hockey verbalised when visiting New Zealand. hmmmmm.

  10. Hotspringer

    @Carol. Surely The Complete Book of Vegetables is an essential reading for all LNP MPs.
    Or am I getting it mixed up with the Book of Complete Vegetables?

  11. Roswell

    Love it, Hotspringer. 😆

    Cabbages would be their specialty.

  12. Lindsay Probyn

    Was it Joe Hockey or someone from The Chaser he was interviewing?

  13. BJWard

    @ Carol Taylor – I still think there’s a way to go to beat Senator Brandis’ expenditures on office furniture. What did the two bookcases cost? $22,000 I believe. The second one was commissioned when they couldn’t get the first one into his new office. That’s more than a year’s-worth of Newstart if my sums are right (there’s every chance they aren’t). There’s an emergency allright. These people are the emergency.

  14. paul

    Is this a set
    up or what…

  15. Buff McMenis

    Good enough to be a script for an excellent TV show!! 😉

  16. Sir ScotchMistery

    I would like to register my horror, yes, that’s right, absolute horror, at seeing the treasurers name spoonerised to imply that he spends time with Hoes.

    I assume the word needed was “ho’s” New York shorthand for prostitutes, since there is little else that can be brought to the front of one’s mind when one contemplates a “Hoe Jockey”.

    I have spoken to over 3,000 welfare recipients this morning who have needed to either a) Become prostitutes or b) Work on a phone sex line, and of those the breakdown is as follows, in answer to my questions:

    a) How are you making ends meet since the new rules were put in place by the minister for entitlement?

    1) 48% are aged over 50 and are working on sex phone lines.
    2) 47% are aged between 25 and 50 are splitting their time between phone sex and IRL sex in Canberra.
    3) 4.9% are aged under 18 and are working in IRL sex premises, also in Canberra, and are frequently called out in com-cars.
    The rest are friends of Tony Abbott’s daughters, are all under 18, and they have a Hoe Jockey’s number in their speed dial to use to top up their income occasionally.

    b) If Hoe Jockey asked you out on a date IRL, would you accept?

    1) All respondents indicated they wouldn’t f*ck Hoe Jockey if he offered to resign.
    2) One asked who the Hoe Jockey I was referring to is, since she knows a bunch from Parliament House.
    3) The one who admitted knowing Hoe personally (on condition I called her anything but Francis), indicated that since the question was asked post festo, her answer was immaterial to the study. She did indicate if I was interested I could take her out for a night on the town for her 17th birthday, since Hoe Jockey apparently had a meeting in a cabinet, for whatever reason. I declined on professional grounds.

    One respondent admitted to being a part-time call girl based in a large design college and refused to give further details. She advised she has a “friend” who works for BMW and knows the offender socially. She also noted that if we wanted to make a big deal about it, she has a friend in foreign affairs, who regularly does.

  17. billly moir

    Hahaha what joe said was not what you heard he actually said there was a crisis but now we are open for business there is no longer a crisis in overseas perspectives.

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