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Jeremy Clarkson Admits That He Is Woke…

Jeremy Clarkson, who once contrived to show how unreliable electrical cars were by driving around in circles off camera until it showed that it didn’t have enough charge to make the next charging station, has admitted that he is woke every night when he thinks about Meghan Markle.

Ok, I’ve pretty much ignored the whole Harry and Meghan saga because it’s one of those things that I can’t really judge because the happy couple have suggested that the Royal Family have been leaking stories about them to make them look bad while the Palace insists that it can’t comment and sources close to the Palace say that it’s just untrue and that the Royal Family would never do such a thing and that Harry and Meghan are just making things up and that they’ve always been like that and aren’t Will and Kate just the perfect couple and won’t they make a great King and Queen and isn’t a shame that we can’t tell you all these stories that make Meghan look bad because they really happened including the one about her making everyone cry but we can’t confirm that even though it’s true.

As you can see, it’s hard to know who to believe. Although some people are suggesting that that Queen Consort is doing the wrong thing by consorting with Jeremy Clarkson and Piers Morgan both of whom feed public anger about Meghan who had the audacity to marry Harry. This is a bit unfair because Camilla has been consorting with whomever she likes for years even if they were married to Diana, so why shouldn’t she have some of her daughter-in-laws fiercest critics for lunch if they’re fun company?

Let’s be clear this is not about racism. They simply don’t like Meghan because she’s American and the Royal Family still haven’t got over the fact that the Americans refused to pay tax and declared their independence and it was always on the cards that she would declare the independence of her and Harry because those Americans never made good, obedience subjects…

Nothing to do with race at all. They insist that they made her welcome in spite of her background. The American bit, not the bit they don’t mention because… well, anyway this is meant to be about Jeremy and not the newly minted King and his favourite son and his favourite wife.

My question for Jeremy Clarkson is: Doesn’t admitting you can’t sleep make you woke?

Oh, that’s not what woke means… Well, what does it mean exactly?

I better do some research and get back to you…

* * * *

Ah, I understand now. Being woke doesn’t mean lying awake thinking about things. It means that you’re politically and socially aware and that’s a bad thing because you can’t take a joke and realise that Clarkson was referencing “Game Of Thrones” when he said that he longed for the day that Meghan was paraded naked through Britain with excrement being tossed at her. Apparently if you reference “Game Of Thrones” everything is ok, so if I say I can’t wait for the day that Jeremy Clarkson is castrated it’s just fine, because that happens in “Game Of Thrones”, so wishing it upon someone is just a bit of humour which people aren’t getting if they have a problem with it.


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  1. New England Cocky

    Uhm ….. has anybody checked out the parentage of Harry? You know the old English custom ”an heir and a spare” or do scientific phenotypes mean nothing in royal circles?

    The sooner Australia becomes a Republic with an Australian borne Head of State and so free of Ole Blighty and the most chronically dysfunctional family in Europe the better.

  2. RomeoChwrlie29

    RossLeigh, I was a bit of a fan of clarkson’s car show, until I wasn’t but this is beyond the pale. I haven’t watched Harry and Meghan, though I did watch GoT, and I am enjoying The Crown for its entertainment value and it’s adjacent to history aspects but, Jeez Jeremy. I had thought of beheading – another popular GoT punishment but, upon reflection, your solution is fine… but only after he has done the walk of shame and been pelted with excrement. Let he who casts the first turd get his just deserts.

  3. GYSBERT Cornelis

    Why would we give such people the voice they have.
    Clarkson has demonstrated time and again that he is just an arrogant prick and dies not deserve the attention showered on him.

  4. Michael Taylor

    Thanks for bringing this idiot to my attention, Rossleigh.

    I never knew anything about him. Now I know he’s a version of Piers Morgan.

  5. Andy56

    Clarkson is an attention seeker. What more do you need to know? The royals are attention seekers trying to maintain the ” family” business. Any publicity is good publicity. I personally am sick of the constant bits of trivia that gets called news finding its way into the news cycle. Remember, life is tough when your down to your last $20million. Honestly, the only thing i Care about is how much money we squander in maintaining the illusion of ” kings and queens”. They eat cake while we wait for centrelink to do its fucking job.

  6. 2353NM

    I think a Kath & Kim reference is needed here.

    Scene – Kim talking to her Mum (Kath) about her husband’s wages not being high enough to live on.

    Jeremy (as Kim) – Mum, I want to be effluent
    The world (as Kath) – Kimmy, don’t worry, you are effluent

  7. Arnd

    Irksome Clarkson has once again finagled his way to the public’s attention with obnoxious hyperbole.

    Prob’ly says more about the public than it says about Clarkson.

  8. Al

    Jeremy Clarkson was terrific on Top Gear; I really liked his strong opinions, his blustering, and his act of being (a bit of) a prat. But he was held in check by his co-stars. On his own he’s insufferable.

    As to them royals, I’m watching Harry and Meghan with my partner, who’s a Sri Lankan Tamil, and who has seen some of the less lovely aspects of British colonialism first-hand. The thing is, we all need our symbols and figureheads; someone or something to look up to. The Queen was an exemplary figurehead, I think. King Charles is a cipher, and nobody loves him. I think that William is setting up to be a better king than his father ever will be, and if we ever get that far, I suspect that he will be revered in much the same way as his grandmother was. Which leaves Harry. Second and thirds and beyonds in line have always existed in a sort of limbo – look at Charles’s siblings. And Harry marrying an American – a “mixed-race” American, no less! – puts him beyond the pale.

    I imagine that we will become a republic sooner or later – as long as we are careful to avoid the American model – which would surely be a natural part of Australia’s “growing up”. We (most of us) loved the Queen and much fuss was rightly made of her many visits. But she’s gone.

  9. Brad

    No need to wait until he is castrated. I’m led to believe he has no testicles. Perhaps you might wish for a bit of work on his prefrontal cortex instead?

  10. Florence nee Fedup

    Can someone explain what Meghan has done for so many to hate her?

  11. Michael Taylor

    Florence, that’s easy:

    She started the Falkland’s War.

    She caused the breakup of the Beatles.

    She was the instigator of the miner’s strike in Wales.

    Well, she’s being treated as though she was the cause of the above.

  12. Canguro

    Michael, don’t stop at these few examples…

    She’s also responsible for the sinking of Britain’s posterity as a function of her executive ushering in of Brexit;

    as well as that, she & she alone in a weirdly surreal back to the future timeshift, caused the car crash in the Pont de l’Alma tunnel by egging on the driver to get totally shit-faced before he took to the wheel, thus ending Harry’s mum’s life and placing her in the hot seat for the future proxy role as the replacement and is if that wasn’t enough, she was also…

    … front and centre, again in a reverse ferret double twist, the instigator of the IRA’s assassination of Lord Louis Mountbatten in 1979, via her demonic alliance with the Irish in their historic battle against British dominion.

    It’s no wonder the Brits have it in for her, poor gal. She needs to stay strong.

  13. Michael Taylor

    Canguro, don’t quote me on this, but I think it was her who sold Russia the secret to making atomic weapons. And I’m fairly certain she was behind the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, the spark of which set off WW1. Don’t forget, too, that she was General Tojo’s senior adviser.

  14. Caz

    I agree Canguro, Meghan has been responsible for all of that including the war in Ukraine and the defeat of the Morrison government. The woman is possibly responsible for climate change although I have yet to find proof. But the British would forgive her all this if she wasn’t black.

  15. w

    misogyny and racism is alive and well in clarkson, the palace people and the english, generally. I have no problems with M and H making a quid from the media who are making quids from them? But I have no intention of joining my darling to watch the netflix show.
    some lovely humour and Caz has it in ‘spades’.

  16. New England Cocky

    Really, I do NOT know why AIMN readers are surprised. It is an established legal fact that England, Great Britain or whatever label you put on that island off the west coast of Europe, is among the most racist societies in the world. This national racism permeates every aspect of English life at all levels of their society and especially government.
    In a country that cannot play cricket, does not qualify for the World Cup final, cannot administer Thugby, the gentleman’s football game and created the West Indian tax haven for their wealthy, it allows those backward looking souls to justify their mediocrity.
    So, American borne Meaghan Windsor Mountbatten is obviously the cause of the decline of the British Empire since the Americans demanded all the western hemisphere ”possessions” except the Bahamas where Eddie Windsor, the nazi sympathiser was corralled with his American divorcee wife. Obviously Harry, the second son of Diana, is a throwback here …. and you know how well that adventure ended.
    The evidence is incontrovertible. She is a very attractive, vivacious, intelligent woman who was successful in her own career before marrying into the most dysfunctional family in Europe, if not the world. Then of course, she is ”working class” which offends the parasites surrounding The Firm. Did I mention her African heritage? Something about Britain being built on the profits of slavery comes to mind.

    Time to put all this ”Royal subjects rubbish” and accompanying 230+ years of economic exploitation behind us ”Cabbage Tree Kids” and get on with building our own Republic of Australia with our own Australian borne Head of State.

  17. Florence nee Fedup

    W, watch the show. You won’t regret it.

  18. wam

    Any recommendation by you Flo is a must follow up.

  19. Florence nee Fedup


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