This morning, I intended to write about the big story of the week: The first Abbott Minister to stand down. Admittedly, he hasn’t actually resigned and he’s just “stepped aside” until he’s cleared, but for anyone in the Abbott government to admit there’s even a perceived possibility of infallibility is a major moment. However, I have breaking news of even more importance! Perhaps, the most important story I’ll ever write.
As most of you are aware, a couple of days ago, Tony Abbott announced that satellite images had been found of floating debris and rather than suggest that debris floating in the ocean should come to Australia by official channels, he told Parliament that it may be part of the missing plane. This, of course, is far more important than a few dodgy deals involving donations to the Liberal Party, which aren’t dodgy at all and anyway they’ve paid them back so how is that news?
The next day, the papers devoted the first five pages to the search with The Age leading off using an indefinite “Found?” while The Herald-Sun chose a less questioning approach with “Ocean Hunt”. (I have heard a rumour that the first headline “Sea Hunt” was changed for legal reasons but I’m haven’t had time to confirm that because I’m too busy rushing this story for publication. If I waste time confirming things, then they may actually find the plane and then there’ll be almost no interest in it any more!)
Now, so far they’ve found nothing. But in an exciting development, I’d like to announce that I believe that there is credible evidence that I may have located the missing plane. In fact, I’m prepared to go further than either paper, who only labelled their unidentifiable circle as “Possible Object”. As you see, I’ve labelled mine “Definite Object” and while the picture is rather unclear, you can definitely see a metallic looking object which is nowhere near two fingers holding it.
For all we know, it could be part of the missing plane. If not, it could be part of another missing plane. Or a plane that hasn’t gone missing yet. In fact, given that all matter is recycled, this definite object could have once been part of Einstein’s brain. In future updates, I intend to add exciting infographics and interviews with people who have exciting theories about the location of the plane, including the highly plausible case that it has been swallowed by a UFO and will suddenly reappear on its original flight path.Certainly it’s worth coming back to this blog again and again for any exciting developments rather than relying on to the major newspapers who today have gone back to boring stories on James Hird and asylum seekers on their front pages.
Whatever, this is certainly much more interesting than Arthur Sinodinos’s story. And nearly as credible.