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How Would You Rate The Budget, Mr Person Who Is Being Interviewed So You Know More Than Us!

Interviewer – So how would you rate the Budget?

Lorry Crouton – Well, as an economic document, I give it about two out of ten, because it fials to address any of the economic problems that Australia is facing…

Interviewer – That’s a bit harsh!

Lorry Crouton – Actually, it’s a bit generous, but if we really got stuck into the Liberal’s economic credentials we’d never be invited onto any of the commerical channels and given that the ABC won’t be able to pay their commentators any more than petrol money, I thought that I better pump up the Government’s tyres as much as I can.

Interviewer – So two out of ten that’s a failure then by any standards?

Lorry Crouton – Not really, because as a political document, I give it eleven out of ten.

Interviewer – Eleven out of ten? That doesn’t add up!

Lorry Crouton – Well, neither does the Budget. But it works on the assumption that every voter is a moron only out for self interest.

Interviewer – But surely that’s a bit risky?

Lorry Crouton – It’s worked for them so far.

Interviewer – Ok, so let’s look at where it’s expected to win them votes. Let’s take, the Paid Parental Leave scheme.

Lorry Crouton – Yes, Mr Abbott went to the last election promising the gold standard PPL which would be giving all mothers a handout of up to $75,000, but then after careful consideration, he decided that it was too expensive, and not only that, we needed to make women more women ineligible for the one that already existed.

Interviewer – But surely that’s a broken promise, and the voters will punish him for it.

Lorry Crouton – Yes, but changing one’s mind and improving the policy can be justified politically.

Interviewer – In what way is this policy an improvement?

Lorry Crouton – Well, it stops the “double-dipping” that people like a couple of Liberal minister’s wives indulged in.

Interviewer – But who’ll be pleased by this, I mean, whether it’s right or wrong, who would change their vote and think, well done, not only have you backed down on your ridiculously expensive PPL policy, but you’ve actually cut money to some of the women having a baby?

Lorry Crouton – Well, surely it’d appeal to the people not having a baby, because now the Government can afford to link pension earnings to average earnings rather than movements in the success of the Greek austerity program.

Interviewer – About that, do you think that pensioners will be happy?

Lorry Crouton – Maybe not, but small business owners will because they can pay less tax by writng off all sorts of things in one year rather than having to stretch it out over five years.

Interviewer – What’s that got to do with pensioners?

Lorry Crouton – Well, the Government’s position is that – once small business owners spend more than they earn – then bracket creep will push all people, even those on work for the dole, into the top tax bracket. And with the increased revenue, the Government will be able to buy their way to elections until 2050 when they can show a graph of how their debt position, while twice as high as the projected debt position if Labor had stayed in power and made no changes whatsoever, we can assure you that it’s lower than if Labor had ever been elected to govenment because Labor can’t manage money because nobody in the Labor Party ever completed university because nobody on the Left side of politics can afford it!

Interviewer – Does any of this trouble you?

Lorry Crouton – Look, I’m not here to tell you what to think. I’m just here to analyse what excellent job the Coalition are doing at selling their message.

Interviewer – But the fact that most of the assumptions in the Budget are about as believable as backing Leighton Hewitt to change his mind about retirement and winning the Australian Open, doesn’t that trouble you?

Lorry Crouton – Well, I have no problem with Hewitt winning the Australian Open. I mean, he only he has to turn up and win the last point of every match, and he’s more than capable of winning a point, so the idea that Australia can achieve an increase in the growth rate while the mining boom is winding down isn’t impossible.

Interviewer – But eleven out of ten as a political document ? I mean eleven out of ten is impossible.

Lorry Crouton – Gee, I’m amazed that you find that the troubling bit. I thought I’d be asked the hard questions about the two out of ten as an economic document, given they’ve increased the debt, the deficit and the unemployment rate.

Interviewer – Thank you. You’ve made everything very clear.

Lorry Crouton – Have I? Sorry that wasn’t my intention. Can we start over? I still want my weekly gig on Sky News!

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15 comments

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  1. Möbius Ecko

    Just listened to Frydenberg in an ABC interview on his response to Shorton’s budget reply. The above interview piece is more factual, lucid and detailed than anything Fryhdenberg responded with, which basically boiled down to Labor in answer to ever question, including those asked of his government’s about turns and shaky figures.

  2. Harquebus

    Still under the delusion that growth can be infinite. Growth deadheads like Hockey can only fail. Maths and physics are slaughtering ideological growth driven budgets everywhere.

  3. Wally

    If you could bottle bullshit and export it the LNP would have no problem at all getting the budget back into surplus.

  4. Gangey1959

    If they could bottle bullshit, and were allowed to export it, wouldn’t the government be arrested for littering?
    ‘Vote 1 Lorry Crouton for PM’. Are they a ‘he’ or a ‘she’ ?

  5. Awabakal

    Josh Frydenberg – “where is Labor going to get the money from to fund its promises?”

    Well, we will think about that long and hard. I am sure there is an answer.

  6. Möbius Ecko

    Frydenberg. Don’t listen to what Labor say but look at what they do.

    I really wish the reporter had thrown that and his quip about where will Labor get the funding back in his face. The question should have been where are the L&NP going to get the money to fund their electioneering budget and promises, certainly not from the falderal Hockey trotted out.

  7. stephentardrew

    Mobius how the hell can reporters ask the right questions if Labor do not provide solid foundations for a viable alternative.

    Shorten disappointed. No global warming nothing on ETS or renewables, resource tax just another focus group rant without solid foundations for an alternative evaluation of neo-conservatism. If Whitlam played it safe nothing would have changed. Shorten is definitely not a change agent.

    The status quo remains unchallenged.

    His attacks were valid yet he offers no foundational alternative to the status quo of supply side economics.

    Just bland propositions without fundamental critical analysis to support core philosophical underpinnings of an equity based paradigm..

  8. Kaye Lee

    Abbott’s call for bipartisanship is laughable as is Frydenberg’s insistence that Labor must detail their policies. Remember this interview when Tony was flush with the success of his landslide win in the leadership ballot….

    TONY ABBOTT: Well, look, people will make their own judgments, and I am confident that what looked like deep divisions were more a function of us being asked to go against our natural instincts to support a Government. Now, the natural instincts of an Opposition are to oppose a Government

    KERRY O’BRIEN: You’ve squared off against the Government on climate change today, but until the very recent past you supported Malcolm Turnbull’s approach. You told me in an interview back in July, “I don’t think it’s a good look for the Opposition to be browner than John Howard going into the next election.” But that’s exactly where you’re positioning the Liberal Party today, isn’t it: going backwards on climate change?

    TONY ABBOTT: Kerry, I was doing my best to support the then leader. And that’s what frontbenchers have to do. But the Liberal Party is liberated as of today to follow our natural instinct, which is to oppose the Government.

    http://www.abc.net.au/7.30/content/2009/s2759022.htm

    Far from “liberating” the Liberal Party, Abbott and Credlin have bound them in chains and dragged them down to the level of petty petulant vindictive puppets.

  9. staffordhall

    Ahhh thank him, its friday, and yes Kay Lee, tying us in chains is spot on!

  10. Anomander

    WTF is Shorten snorting?

    Now he’s spruiking for an even greater reduction in business taxation to 25%? The blind, stupid race to out-compete places like Singapore, when we already have a major income shortfall.

    What next? We adopt zero tax for big business and tout ourselves as a tax haven?

    As a former lifetime supporter of the ALP, this simply reinforces my decision to vote for the Greens.

  11. stafford

    The Greens? The party that will bankrupt Aus, thank heavens there is no hope of them ever running the show.

  12. stephentardrew

    Yes Anomander I nearly went into a seizure which required some serious deep breathing to remain sane.

    Shorten is living down to all expectations.

  13. Harquebus

    No banks on a dead planet. Are they worth the sacrifice of our one and only planet Earth.

  14. trishcorry

    Brilliant! Love it!

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