George Washington’s last great experiment may get voluntarily flushed down a gold-plated toilet.

We Australians are all well accustomed to Americans, but they are not like you and me.

They don’t pronounce the ‘h’ in herb.

They call it gas but it’s a liquid.

Tuna fish. WTF? Cow mammal?

They live within walking distance of a school shooting.

Guns and Jesus. Jesus was a white American BTW.

The NRA.

Wealth = virtue.

More = better. Large, jumbo or Godzilla-size?

The last holdout of imperial measurements.

MM/DD/YY.

They don’t know what communism is but they know they don’t like it.

98 icecream flavours. Frothed chocolate chip cookie dough lattes. Marshmallow infused breakfast cereal.

The flag. Everywhere.

The World Series (sic).

The widespread deployment of middle initials.

Child beauty pageants. Ew!

Visiting foreign countries wherein to search out Starbucks and McDonalds.

The electoral college.

“Thank you for your service.”

Joe Exotic.

Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Bobert. Wonton killings, gazpacho police, peach tree dishes, Jewish space lasers and hand jobs in movie theatres.

Their left-wing is right-wing and their right-wing is an amoral, swivel-eyed fever swamp of nasty idiocy (see previous point).

The USA comprises diverse citizenries but generalisations can be generally true. How else other than shared nationalistic quirks to explain the wide embrace of the grotesqueries of Trump, the MAGAe and the sewage farm that is the GOP?

“Because fuck you. We are ‘merkins. USA! USA! USA!”

Americans are so inculcated with American exceptionalism they think everyone else wants to be them. There’s no need to immerse oneself in American culture to recognise that they’re fervent subscribers to their own hand over heart jingoism. Ronald Reagan believed that to be born in America was to win life’s lottery, conveniently over-looking the vast disparities between the rich and the poor – the top 1% of households in the United States now hold 32.3% of the country’s wealth while the bottom 50% hold 2.6%.

John Steinbeck once observed that socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires. But for too many the shiny, red Mustang in the double garage that symbolises the American dream has now become a rust-riddled, clapped out ‘76 Ford-O-Matic Country Squire abandoned in a casino car park and <insert scapegoat of convenience> is to blame.

Innovation vs entrepreneurism is wherein they possess a robust belief that inventiveness is a distinctly American version of capitalism yet the industrial revolution was British, the first man in space was a Russian, it was German Nazis what got ’em to the moon, Alexander Graham Bell was a Scot as was John Logie Baird. Einstein and the automobile were incubated in Germany, the first known artificial form of refrigeration was demonstrated by William Cullen at the University of Glasgow, Michael Faraday was English, Nikola Tesla a Serb, Tim Berners-Lee an Englishman. You get the drift. What Americans excel at is claiming credit while making a buck in the process ala Thomas Edison. But they do cultivate a culture where creativity can thrive, imported or no, good or bad.

“The US ranks No. 1 in the world on research”, and highly for “literature, theatre, film, music and art”. It is heavily represented in the rankings of the world’s best universities yet “UNESCO reports adult literacy in the US at 86 per cent, while Australia, New Zealand, the United Kingdom, Canada, Ireland, France, Germany, Italy and Japan are at 99 per cent. (Barry Jones. The Saturday Paper).

The self-proclaimed beacon of democracy, occupying the moral high ground, was founded on the principle that privileged, rich men shouldn’t pay taxes.

The land of the free scores 83/100 on the U.S.-based non-governmental organization Freedom House’s world freedom index. (Australia scores 95/100.)

They confuse influence and power with character – might makes right, yet the more thoughtful are capable of introspection:

The Newsroom – America is not the greatest country in the world anymore

 

“The world’s greatest democracy could collapse due to a reality TV game show host, after one political party lost its sanity following the election of a black President.” (Unknown).

The personification of the country’s worst characteristics is a bloated, deluded, flatulent, big noting, grifting, lying, cheating, sexual predator and vulgarian. This despot-fawning lickspittle, a convicted felon, a treasonous spiv, an orange-stuccoed fraud at the pointy end of his feculent spawn’s crime spree is a viable contender for the most influential role on the planet.

To commemorate Independence Day 2024 this faithless Republican nominee for POTUS went on air to tout his $59.99 God Bless the USA Bible™ (free copy of the constitution included. He has read neither).

“When fascism comes to America it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a Bible.” (Attributed to Sinclair Lewis).

Whether bloviating to a tawdry arriviste audience and their duck-lipped, silicon-titted trophy shags at his Kitsch-O-Rama sur la mer golf motel/stolen document repository or playing his invisible accordion to an effluvium of grinning thralls and occupants of the upper right corner of the fuckwit quadrant he’s lauded by these fools to his last imbecilic gibberings.

He says he “wants to be able” to override the Constitution to “pick” when elections are held, he calls for televised military tribunals for his political opponents and the red-capped, bovine espousers of America as the best kind of democracy wave their placards and shit on their flag. The tangerine man knows boosterism is a vote winner. MAGA is where the USA is the greatest at everything should the woke, radical left anti-fascist fascist Marxists be excluded as they indulge in unfettered arson of what once was a nation they could be proud of. Ooohkay.

“The U.S will never be destroyed from the outside, if we lose our freedoms it’s because we have destroyed ourselves from with in.” (Abraham Lincoln).

Perhaps one double cheeseburger too many will have him drooling and shitting his pants in a sunny corner of the recreation room at the Rainbow’s End Assisted Living facility for Enfeebled Fucktards rather than wiping the fried chicken grease from his tiny fingers onto the Oval Office curtains once more.

I believe that a decent America will assign this crime magnate to the land fill bucket at history’s liposuction clinic. However, Trumpism may live on and that’s a whole other story.

A syphilitic gobshite, charlatan, rapist and traitor

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This article was originally published on Grumpy Geezer