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Hey, teacher, leave them dudes alone!

By Allan Richardson

Planksy, a highly experienced fitter, turner and boilermaker, cracked his head on the hoist after forgetting to let go a runaway rattle gun, also severely damaging a green Mitsubishi Magna, so no real loss there. But following HIA protocol, the shop steward sent Planksy off for a mandatory 11 days.

But so as not to be a burden on society, Planksy undertook free government transition training to be an Area Controller of a solar farm conglomerate, a change from being on the tools. He declared the course quite straightforward, apart from some new terminology and, as expected in the government-sponsored RoboTrans, TMFAs.

Because the transition course was, strictly speaking, incomplete, the course instructor subcontracted a Personal Trainer to direct exercise classes – a healthy body makes a healthy mind, said the PT, gibberishly – and as is the wont of said profession, punctuated their endless drivel with ‘Awesome!’.

Then a well-earned counter lunch before a gruelling afternoon session, known as ‘brainstorming’. Planksy and the others had to work out what the course should involve. The participants did a pretty good job, Planksy opined after the role play. It even reminded some students of a TV series!

* * * * *

It’s 2030, and surprisingly, the atmospheric CO2 has barely shifted since the 2022 election, and the Labor/Greens coalition governments that followed cannot agree amongst themselves, and are both going to go it alone, like the Libs and Gnats did after their destruction at the 2025 election. But unlike the earlier dissolution of the conservative coalition, the government parties are hoping to retain sufficient relevance to maintain their parties’ registrations. But the ever-increasing Indies see that as a bridge too far, as they finalise the Private Members Bill to at last legislate the UBI. (If there are any survivors left in the climate-damaged country to take advantage of this belated necessity.)

Meanwhile, at the International Head Office of Spark Central, Planksy has a problem. ‘We’re expecting to be about 15 gigawatts short over the peak’ said Planksy. ‘Someone ring the store and stock up. Get 20 gigawatts while you’re there. Can’t discount a possible outage, with the floodwater lapping at the panels and the substations partly submerged. I’ve been trained to manage this sort of common, unanticipated disappointment. My comprehensive training course included advanced Disappointment Management modules, featuring another prominent guest lecturer, who unfortunately failed to show up for the practical. And someone said the voltage was down a bit. Better get a truckload of volts, to be sure.

I’m not trying to be a prevenient naysayer. About 30 years ago, after I stopped working for da man, I helped a CBT facilitator to secure a State government contract to develop audio-visual Computer-Based Training modules. We developed a 60 second pilot as a sample for just over $70,000, but there were three of us. The module showed trainees how to effectively wield a broom safely, with the background wall featuring the three different types of fire-retardents. A work of art!

And I did a TAFE course myself about 20 years ago in Damage Mitigation, known by most people as venomous snake handling. Sure, I was about 60, and all the other participants … weren’t. But you wouldn’t feed any of them, far less having them in any way responsibly for your well-being!

If the transition to renewables hasn’t been mapped out in detail for the transition training, implementation and ongoing management of the new way, then Labor has failed. They’ve been spruiking Global Warming and Climate Change for the past decade, but they haven’t done their homework. They were excused for not announcing detailed plans before the election, just to see it squandered by relevance-deprived fifth columnists, but they’re the government now, and they can come out of hiding. Not that the LNP can even spell AGW!

The operation was successful, but the patient died.


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  1. Douglas Pritchard

    Plonkers like Planksy need more column inches in our daily news diet.

  2. Harry Lime

    How do I gets on da course?I is very keen ,I is.PS, I also has a major in counter lunches,I does.

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