Scene 1. – A Heath. Some time in 2009. Enter three editors.
First editor – When shall we three meet again.
Second editor – In thunder, lightning or in rain?
Third editor – Of course not, we’ll meet in a nice restaurant.
First editor – When the wine’s been nicely aged.
Second editor – When the union movement’s caged.
Third editor – So after the election then.
First editor – Hey, you’re meant to speak in rhyme – this is a Shakespeare parody.
Third editor – Sorry, I’m from “The Herald-Sun”
Second editor – Now the year’s 2009.
First editor – Macabbott soon the country’s thine.
Third editor – Ah… Um, then things are just fine?
First editor – Ok, near enough. Let’s go.
* * *
Scene 2 – Enter Macbbott and Carbontax fresh from Battlelines.
Macbbott- So fair and foul a day I have not seen.
Carbontax – But soft. What are these withered creatures that appear before us?
They resemble newspaper editors, yet I see no semblance of balance among them.
Macbbott – Speak, if thou can. What do you want?
First editor – All hail to thee Macbbott, Shadow Minister and supporter of Carbontax.
Second editor – All hail to thee Macbbott, Leader of the Opposition
Third editor – All hail to thee Macbbott, Prime Minister hereafter.
Macbbott- What is this, Malcolm is Leader of the Opposition?
Carbontax – Ye creatures have the gift of prophecy, what do you see in store for me?
First editor – Greater and lesser than Macbbott thou shalt be.
Second editor – Though denied in Australia, thou shalt be king elsewhere.
Third editor – And in spite of all we do, your child – the ETS – will come to rule.
(The editors disappear.)
Macbbott – Stay you imperfect creatures, tell me more…
Carbontax – How can this be? Malcolm lives and we know that ETS shall soon rule in spite of the fact you support me above him.
(Jockey rides up.)
Jockey – Great news. Malcolm has called a spill. He intends to stand down and I shall be Leader of the Opposition, unopposed.
Macbbott- Great news, Jockey. We’ll kill the ETS.
Carbontax (aside) – What of the strange editors’ prophecy, Macbbott?
Macbbott – Soft. We’ll speak anon.
* * *
Mm, Macbeth goes for several acts. Well, five in all. I’m not sure that I can write an entire five act play in the next twenty minutes. Besides the humour’s going to be lost on those who’ve never read Macbeth. And anyway, most of you just want to get to the end.
Of course, Macbeth is often just referred to as “the scottish play”. That’s because it’s meant to be bad luck to refer to it in a theatre. Someone has lead me to believe that this stems from a production where one actor quoted Macbeth in spite of being told that it was bad luck. The actor said that he wasn’t superstitious and that he didn’t believe that anything bad would happen to him. At this point, he was beaten to death by the other actors.
So, Macbeth murders the king, Duncan, and Malcolm flees to England where he mounts an army and returns to kill Macbeth. At this point the allegory becomes confusing because we have the real Malcolm, who hasn’t fled at all and stays a loyal and faithful servant of Macabbott, while occasionally hinting that he really supports things like same sex marriage and would vote for it if only he were allowed a conscience. (Whoops, left off the word “vote” there – must have been a freudian slip… I’ll correct it the first time Malcolm actually crosses the floor and votes against party policy on anything!)
Of course, Macabbott does kill Carbontax. So that bit’s all right, and whatever we do in Australia, the ETS will continue to grow.
But should Lady Macbeth be called Lady Margie – she doesn’t seem a real Lady Macbeth type. Besides, we should leave family out of it… (With the exception of Kevin Andrews who was voted “Natural Family Man of the Year” in spite of his hair by the same people who believe that abortions cause breast cancer… Mm, did they also nominate an Unnatural family man of the year?)
If only I could think of some woman in federal politics who’d push Macabbott. Some controlling, scheming woman who’d take control.
Nope can’t think of anyone like that in the current parliament. I guess I’m stuck for the moment.
Ah well, to be continued . . .