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All Hail To Thee, Tony Abbott, Prime Minister and King Hereafter . . .

Scene 1. – A Heath. Some time in 2009. Enter three editors.

First editor – When shall we three meet again.

Second editor – In thunder, lightning or in rain?

Third editor – Of course not, we’ll meet in a nice restaurant.

First editor – When the wine’s been nicely aged.

Second editor – When the union movement’s caged.

Third editor – So after the election then.

First editor – Hey, you’re meant to speak in rhyme – this is a Shakespeare parody.

Third editor – Sorry, I’m from “The Herald-Sun”

Second editor – Now the year’s 2009.

First editor – Macabbott soon the country’s thine.

Third editor – Ah… Um, then things are just fine?

First editor – Ok, near enough. Let’s go.

 

* * *

Scene 2 – Enter Macbbott and Carbontax fresh from Battlelines.

Macbbott- So fair and foul a day I have not seen.

Carbontax – But soft. What are these withered creatures that appear before us?
They resemble newspaper editors, yet I see no semblance of balance among them.

Macbbott – Speak, if thou can. What do you want?

First editor – All hail to thee Macbbott, Shadow Minister and supporter of Carbontax.

Second editor – All hail to thee Macbbott, Leader of the Opposition

Third editor – All hail to thee Macbbott, Prime Minister hereafter.

Macbbott- What is this, Malcolm is Leader of the Opposition?

Carbontax – Ye creatures have the gift of prophecy, what do you see in store for me?

First editor – Greater and lesser than Macbbott thou shalt be.

Second editor – Though denied in Australia, thou shalt be king elsewhere.

Third editor – And in spite of all we do, your child – the ETS – will come to rule.

(The editors disappear.)

Macbbott – Stay you imperfect creatures, tell me more…

Carbontax – How can this be? Malcolm lives and we know that ETS shall soon rule in spite of the fact you support me above him.

(Jockey rides up.)

Jockey – Great news. Malcolm has called a spill. He intends to stand down and I shall be Leader of the Opposition, unopposed.

Macbbott- Great news, Jockey. We’ll kill the ETS.

Carbontax (aside) – What of the strange editors’ prophecy, Macbbott?

Macbbott – Soft. We’ll speak anon.

 

* * *

Mm, Macbeth goes for several acts. Well, five in all. I’m not sure that I can write an entire five act play in the next twenty minutes. Besides the humour’s going to be lost on those who’ve never read Macbeth. And anyway, most of you just want to get to the end.

Of course, Macbeth is often just referred to as “the scottish play”. That’s because it’s meant to be bad luck to refer to it in a theatre. Someone has lead me to believe that this stems from a production where one actor quoted Macbeth in spite of being told that it was bad luck. The actor said that he wasn’t superstitious and that he didn’t believe that anything bad would happen to him. At this point, he was beaten to death by the other actors.

Image from cacb.wordpress.com

Image from cacb.wordpress.com

So, Macbeth murders the king, Duncan, and Malcolm flees to England where he mounts an army and returns to kill Macbeth. At this point the allegory becomes confusing because we have the real Malcolm, who hasn’t fled at all and stays a loyal and faithful servant of Macabbott, while occasionally hinting that he really supports things like same sex marriage and would vote for it if only he were allowed a conscience. (Whoops, left off the word “vote” there – must have been a freudian slip… I’ll correct it the first time Malcolm actually crosses the floor and votes against party policy on anything!)

Of course, Macabbott does kill Carbontax. So that bit’s all right, and whatever we do in Australia, the ETS will continue to grow.

But should Lady Macbeth be called Lady Margie – she doesn’t seem a real Lady Macbeth type. Besides, we should leave family out of it… (With the exception of Kevin Andrews who was voted “Natural Family Man of the Year” in spite of his hair by the same people who believe that abortions cause breast cancer… Mm, did they also nominate an Unnatural family man of the year?)

If only I could think of some woman in federal politics who’d push Macabbott. Some controlling, scheming woman who’d take control.

Nope can’t think of anyone like that in the current parliament. I guess I’m stuck for the moment.

Ah well, to be continued . . .

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13 comments

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  1. Sir ScotchMistery

    Anyone who has not read Macbeth, has no place here.

    Begone, foul liberal, untaint’ by learning or skill building,
    Begone, thou art beneath contempt for thy liberal “education”
    Dollars and cents and bottom lines no less
    important, than folks who pay the tax on time
    and spend their days employ’d as labourer or miner

    Begone foul stench of pine and Pyne
    A GRUB he shouteth to the hills and to the right?
    Nay mad’m speaker, he said not “grub”
    In truth he said a word that soundeth much
    Like flat bottom boat yonder awaiting on Lake Burley Griffin

    A minister, I ask, a minister
    And in education no less
    What lies by yonder minister told?
    ’tis the West
    and Gina is the dark descending
    hold, foul spirit – your time is ending

    Begone, vile liberal, go..

  2. marwill10

    “If only I could think of some woman in federal politics who’d push Macabbott.” Some controlling, scheming woman who’d take control. Hmmm, I can think of a bishop or two.

  3. Anne Byam

    Ye Gods….. your article Rossleigh, is brilliant ( as usual ) and totally fractured me – laughing.

    Sir Scotch Mistery ???? Not sure who you might be !! 😉 …. but you sure did a great job on the um …. “re-write ??”.

  4. Ruth Lipscombe

    A Bishop or two OR a ‘cashbox ‘a.k.a michaela OR that dreadful woman who was trashed by Kathy Mcgowan.

  5. Vicki

    Ye Gods, I wish I were clever. Brilliant, Ross and Sir Scotch Mistery.

  6. berlioz1935

    A hope the curtain comes down soon enough on those jokers.

  7. Kaye Lee

    To tax, or not to tax–that is the question:
    Whether ’tis nobler for the poor to suffer
    The slings and arrows of outrageous budgets
    Or to take arms against a sea of bullshit
    And by opposing end them.

  8. nettythe1st

    “Out, out, brief candle! I’m but a walking shadow, a poor PM that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

    (Macbeth’s Lady played by Peta)

  9. Kaye Makovec

    “Teeth hadst thou in thy head when thou wast born, to signify thou camest to bite the world.”

  10. billly moir

    Hail to thee blithe spirit
    Vindictive bully thee ever wert
    That from ignorance or fear it
    Empty is thy false heart
    In profane strains of amoral art
    Apologies to old percy

  11. Hotspringer

    Made me laugh again, glad I finished my tea before reading.
    The only weapon I have is satire and laughter.

  12. Rossleigh

    Ah, Hotspringer…
    Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition…

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