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Government to invest in candle factories and horse buggies to improve energy security and lower costs

The LNP has made no secret of the fact that their two top priorities when it comes to Energy and the Environment are security and affordability – announcing this week that new coal-fired power stations could potentially be funded by Australia’s $10 billion ‘green’ bank.


Picture from the Sydney Morning Herald

In breaking satirical news, a government spokesperson announced earlier today that the government would also be pushing the Clean Energy Finance Corporation to invest in candle factories and horse buggies, saying:

“One hundred and fifty years ago, nobody complained about electricity prices. What’s more – blackouts were unheard of.

It’s time we stopped this Labor/Green ideological nonsense of looking to the future and instead look to the practical tried and true methods of the past. People safely used candles to light their homes and travelled about in horse-pulled buggies for centuries without having to worry about whether there would be enough power for air conditioning.

The fact that renewable energy sources have not been responsible for blackouts or energy bill increases is actually irrelevant. The quickest, most stable and most efficient way to reduce your electricity bill is not to have electricity – or gas for that matter – at all. “

This article was first published on ProgressiveConversation.


  1. keerti

    and if that fails, they’ll make humna sized hamster wheels and the pollies will take turn running in these!

  2. Keitha Granville

    the pollies ? not likely – they will use the underclass for that, all those people impoverished by constant attacks to their income.
    We will all be working 12 -16 hrs a day every day, no penalties at all, minimum wage $2 an hour. Every other Sunday time off to visit your family in the workhouse.

    Sounds like a joke right ? Just leave this lot in power long enough and we won’t be laughing.

  3. jim

    But…But..The LNP are going to change 18C laws that’ll fix everything.,won’t it?.

  4. win jeavons

    Or the quickest way to not have electricity price increases is to go PV, with batteries , off grid? Coming soon , to a house near you. If it’s good enough for the PM must be good enough for us?

  5. Fifi

    Horses and buggies, Candle power, $2 an hour jobs, I’d like to laugh…When this government, without embarrassment refused to back our relatively clean car manufacturing industry, for example, yet stubbornly continues to provide its support, advocacy and subsidies to harmful and outdated fossil fuel enterprises…..A government who used the word innovation in their sales pitch…And I try to insert these kinds of decisions into what might be broadly termed as a positive plan or direction for Australians, a Mission Statement if you will…I’m not laughing, I’m getting a headache!

  6. Miriam English

    If they want cheap, then wind power is already cheaper than coal. And if building new power stations (our old coal ones are about due for replacement) then solar power stations are cheaper. And solar water heating has always been cheaper and more reliable than any other method. It’s actually easier and makes for a more reliable grid to distribute power generation with rooftop solar PV.

    Of course, Kate is completely right that cheapest of all is to do without electricity. The cheapest solution is to go to bed when the sun goes down, sleep in caves, and forget about the industrial revolution. If you die during a heat wave or cold snap then you didn’t deserve to live anyway. It would certainly free up beds in hospitals, because getting there by horse and cart would mean many would die along the way. Good times ahead for LNP voters.

  7. Harquebus

    Investing in candle making, wheelwrights, cartwrights, horses and oxen is planning ahead and we should be doing these things.

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