Goodbye Tony Abbott: Let’s keep the States and abolish the Commonwealth of Australia!

(The beauty of playing Devil’s Advocate is that you can say anything you like. So, let’s have a bit of fun and imagine what it would be like if Tony Abbott was subject to some of his own policies.)

Every morning when I wake up and have a squiz outside the front door the kookaburras pooping off the power lines remind me that I am a locked in resident of the Commonwealth of Australia.

This morning, coffee in hand, and ensconced in my favourite old armchair on the verandah in lurking about mode, I’ve been musing on that hairy old issue of whether we should abolish the States.

If we do manage to kill off Rugby League’s State of Origin in one fell swoop what would we be left with? The good old Commonwealth of Australia of course.

But when I think about that word Commonwealth I note with no sort of wry amusement at all that we commoners don’t seem to get to see, let alone run through our twitching fingers, any of the bounteous common wealth of that said Commonwealth.

So here’s where the Devil’s Advocate bit slips in. Instead of abolishing the States …. why don’t we go for the big prize and abolish the Commonwealth. That would save us squillions and push the budget into surplus for the next hundred years and blow the inevitable next bigger than the last GFC right out of the water.

But even better … it would also make Abbott, Morrison, Hockey, Pyne, Dutton, and all the rest of the blue ties instantly unemployed. Quite happily from my point of view, because I do see those venerable gentlemen as eminently unemployable at the best of times, it would also consign them to the tender mercies of their own JobActive Jobnetwork System.

There would be a delicious irony in seeing them all consigned to slave labour together under Work for the Dole. They would get to experience the chains and shackles and demonisation that all the rest of us good unemployed against our choice folk get to experience. It would do them the world of good and would retrospectively encourage them to change their punitive welfare policies in the merest blink of a snapping eyelid.

Since they would also now be newly minted unemployed welfare recipients it would be interesting to see how they would handle being labelled as bludgers and leaners by all the small minds out there who slavishly follow the current government’s line in such matters. Payback’s a real bitch as the old saying would undoubtedly impolitely say to Tony and his mates over and over again until they got it.

I would also jump in the air and click my heels with glee to see them all sent off to do useless training courses with all the Mickey Mouse Registered Training Organisations that seem to proliferate, and profit take, in every spare corner of our fair land.

No doubt Tony and his mates would bitterly complain about the unfairness of being slotted into mickey mouse barista courses … but hey … since our TAFEs and universities have been absolutely gutted … off to useless barista training they would decidedly have to go. I’m sure that if Mr Gonski ever decided to moonlight as an Uber Driver he would cackle with absolute delight as he dropped them all off at their well deserved non-needs-based educative destination.

Mind you, when I seriously think about it, and when I ruminate on what they have managed to achieve in their time at the top … which is nothing less than a grand stuffing up of everything that was once great about the country that we love and that the Kookaburras poop on … I very much doubt that any self-respecting small business coffee shop owning type would let Tony and his mates within cooee of the coffee machine … or far more importantly … the books and the till.

You’ll have to forgive my joyous little off-topic digression (we are meant to be discussing whether the States should be retained etc) but I must admit it is rather lovely to imagine all the blue ties subjected to the draconian policies that they religiously subject all the rest of us common folk to.

I don’t have a scintilla of doubt that Tony and his mates would scream blue murder if we had the power to do to them what they are currently doing to the rest of us. But since we are decent folk I imagine that if we did have that sort of power we would turn it to the common good and spend all our time unwinding Tony’s horrible policies and replacing them with ones based on humanity, fairness, and respect.

But back on topic. With second coffee in hand and with the old dog mournfully staring at me with that ‘where’s my food’ look in her eye, I’ll try to stick to the issue at hand. I’ll also allow myself a moment of searing focus.

Should we abolish the States?

Don’t be silly … of course we shouldn’t.

We should abolish the Commonwealth of Australia.

Because unless the GREENS and the ALP seriously start to get their act together, find some common ground, and get some sort of cooperative thing happening … abolishing the Commonwealth is probably the only way we will ever manage to get rid of Tony Abbott!

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