By Kyran O’Dwyer

“The Administrator of the Government of the Commonwealth of Australia, Her Excellency the Honourable Linda Dessau AC, conducted a swearing-in ceremony of the New Leader of the National Party and Deputy PM Michael McCormack at Government House, Canberra.”

And so the baton was passed. The boy who ‘comes from country roots’ replaced the boy who allegedly rooted without regard for geography. There are several similarities between the ‘has’ and the ‘has been’. Both homophobes, although one is allegedly ‘reformed’ and the other appears to be in a ‘Twelve Step Program’ (the term applied to a number of spiritually based groups for recovery from addiction, compulsion, or other behavioral problems.) to amend his view of ‘traditional marriage’. Both have mastered (?) at least one of the ‘Three R’s’, the ‘rithmetic one (one being a reformed accountant, the other having presided over ‘census fail’.).

For all of their numbers knowledge, both appear to have an odd disregard for ‘value’ as opposed to ‘money’.

This is not like the uncanny ability of parliamentarians who acquire properties and forget about listing them, like Canavan, Cash, Feeney, etc. As they updated their member’s registers eventually, this is not a problem. Everyone forgets a million dollar property every once in a while.

No, not these two. Their specialty is rent. It would appear that one owns a property which he has had tenanted by a daughter who has only recently gained employment to enable her pay rent. The other has been living rent free in a ‘mate’s’ property. Both are arguing that, as no rent was paid, there was no ‘value’ or ‘consideration’. Anyone ever try that with the ATO or their local council? It would be as likely to fail as going to Centrelink and saying ‘my ‘knocked up’ girl friend is not my girlfriend, so leave me alone’.

This is before we start on the Department of Home Affairs ‘capital improvement’s’ on a rental property with only a six month non-tenancy agreement in place. It is being reported as less than $300k, and, like everything to do with ‘Home Affairs’, getting specific details will be like pulling teeth. The common narrative again reveals itself. When ‘Home Affairs’ are interfered with, both Joyce and Pezzullo’s goon, Dutton, demand their privacy be respected.

Does anyone else remember ‘The Goon Show’?

“The Goons included Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers and Harry Secombe. They burst onto the radio with surreal storylines, absurd logic, puns, catchphrases and groundbreaking sound effects. They ridiculed the pomposity of those in authority and laughed at the stupidity of mankind.

Characters such as Ned Seagoon, Eccles, Bluebottle, Major Bloodnok, Minnie Bannister, Henry Crun, Grytpype-Thynne and Moriarty all helped to create an alternative and ludicrous view of the world.”

Who would have thought that, all these decades later, the Antipodean colony would produce a sequel, ‘The Goon Squad’, which would celebrate (rather than denigrate) such laudable traits as high farce, unbelievable hypocrisy and outright, bare faced lying.

All these decades later, “surreal storylines, absurd logic, puns, catchphrases and groundbreaking sound effects” are either representative of the nightly news (now stretched to a day long event) or election campaigns (now stretched to the term of the ‘government’).

All these decades later, pomposity has replaced authority and our ‘leaders’ laugh at the voters. Any detractors are ridiculed as stupid. My, my, my. How far we have come.

And so the baton is passed. Within 24 hours, the ‘has’ and the ‘has been’ are identified as nothing more than a grotesquely mirrored reflection, the second verse is the same as the first, same old same old. Ya da ya da ya da.

What was interesting was that the G G didn’t do the ‘swearing in’. Admittedly, he’s had to do a lot of ‘swearing’ due to the government’s careless disregard for the rules. You know, losing ‘members’, shuffling ‘members’, losing some more, reshuffling what’s left.

The first thought was ‘The poor dear, his throat must be sore’. Or perhaps he’s simply become confused with the increasing frequency of the comings and goings and needed a cup of tea and a lie down. Given the new rumours abounding about another imminent reshuffle (or is that shuffle?), the pending trepidation must be palpable.

The second thought was that it was a masterful stroke of evil genius by somebody with a delightfully wicked sense of humour. By getting a female Victorian G G to swear at the incumbent, females across Australia have been ever so subtly avenged for the government’s entrenched misogyny and sexism, simultaneously giving Gnats ‘the bird’ for their mind numbing, inherent Queensland bias.

But ‘where’s Cozzy?’ you ask. Well, our G G ‘has been a travelling’. His travels spell out the high farce, unbelievable hypocrisy and outright, bare faced lying that is this ‘government’. I’ll get back to the G G and his ‘Diary’.

You see, some really important stuff is happening on Nauru.

Nauru is a teeny weeny itsy bitsy little island made of bird poop where we warehouse people illegally, offering them no hope other than travel to the Grate T-Rump’s America (if they can pass extreme vetting and haven’t originated from one of T-Rump’s ‘banned countries’), or simply perish, as quickly and quietly as possible. But that’s not the important bit.

It costs us hundreds of thousands of dollars per person for this warehouse facility, which includes children (which Pezzullo’s goon, Dutton, lies about every time he says there are no children in detention). But that’s not the important bit.

There are constant claims of beatings, abuse and outright torture on a regular basis (or as often as the human rights groups or UN are allowed to visit). But that’s not the important bit.

The facilities are not only substandard, but sub human. Medical facilities are little more than clinics, living quarters are mould infested (tents, not air conditioned buildings, in a tropical environment) and food and water has to be freighted in. But that’s not the important bit.

According to the Australian High Commission – Nauru:

“On Friday 5^th January the new Australian High Commissioner to Nauru, Her Excellency Ms Angela Tierney, presented her Credentials to His Excellency President Baron Waqa at the office of the President.”

Now that’s important. We appointed a woman to oversee our depravity, as if that will either excuse or forgive it, let alone erase it. And, even more important;

“High Commissioner Tierney gave a speech acknowledging the mutual and continuous relationship between Nauru and Australia, saying she looks forward to a successful tenure on Nauru in an exciting and significant year, with the 50^th Anniversary of Independence and hosting of PIF 2018 Summit. The President also gave a speech welcoming High Commissioner Tierney to Nauru and expressing that he looked forward to working closely with the new High Commissioner.”

Ta Da.

Nauru celebrates fifty years of INDEPENDENCE. It’s not like they have been reliant on foreign aid or crime for most of that time, is it? It’s not like we pay them billions to keep our warehouse out of sight, is it? They are INDEPENDENT, and have been for fifty years. The Pacific Island Forum later this year will be a real hoot, won’t it? It will be a universal celebration of dependent Independence by all of the Pacific Island colonial outposts. That’s important. Oh, and don’t worry. The above post on the website finishes with;

“It was a very enjoyable night for all who attended.”

The venue was the Menen Hotel, which appears to be a luxurious, salubrious, air conditioned facility. That’s important.

The article does not state if any refugees attended. But that’s not important.

As for G G Cozzy, his Diary says he left Canberra, ACT for Yaren, Nauru, on Tuesday 30 January 2018. It has some funny bits in it.

“the proclamation assuming the Administration of the Government of Commonwealth of Australia was signed by the Governor of Queensland, His Excellency the Honourable Paul de Jersey AC.”

Tee hee. If only a male G G from Queensland was still there a month later. The Gnats would have been so much happier.

Anyway, our intrepid G G Cozzy went “on an Official Visit to the Republic of Nauru. In the afternoon, at Nauru International Airport, the Governor-General and Lady Cosgrove were welcomed by the Minister Assisting the President of the Republic of Nauru, the Honourable David Adeang MP.

Afterwards, at the Australian High Commission, Nauru, the Governor-General and Lady Cosgrove received a briefing by the High Commissioner to Nauru, Her Excellency Ms Angela Tierney.

In the evening, the Governor-General and Lady Cosgrove met with Australian Embassy Staff.”

As an aside, if you thought using the words ‘Honourable’ and ‘Dutton’ together was an offensive oxymoron, using ‘Honourable’ and ‘David Adeang’ together is an outright obscenity.

Now what could be so important for our G G to travel all that way to visit with the newly installed High Commissioner to Nauru? Well, he’s ex military. He must have gone to see for himself the wonderful ‘Prisoner’s Of (Other People’s) Wars’ facilities we have built in partnership with the 50 year old independent state (that is now our dependent). He must have gone to see for himself these facilities and forever dispel the nasty lies and untruths told by those nasty detractors.

His Diary says he stayed in Yaren, Nauru:

“On Wednesday 31 January 2018, at the Government Offices, Nauru, the Governor-General, His Excellency General the Honourable Sir Peter Cosgrove AK MC (Retd), and Lady Cosgrove, as guests of the President of the Republic of Nauru, His Excellency the Honourable Baron Waqa MP and First Lady, Madam Waqa, represented the people and government of Australia at the 50th Anniversary of the Republic of Nauru Independence Day Flag Raising Ceremony.

Afterwards, at The Menen Hotel, the Governor-General and Lady Cosgrove, as guests of the President and First Lady of the Republic of Nauru, attended a lunch with other Heads of State and Heads of Government from around the Pacific.

In the afternoon, at the High Commissioners Residence, the Governor-General and Lady Cosgrove, as guests of the Australian High Commissioner to the Republic of Nauru, Her Excellency Ms Angela Tierney, attended an afternoon tea with Australian High Commission staff and local community members.

In the evening, at Centennial Hall, the Governor-General and Lady Cosgrove, as guests of the President and First Lady of the Republic of Nauru attended a State Banquet.”

Ok, no reference to his inspection of the PO(OP)W facilities, but at least they collectively raised a flag. It must have been outside, which would have been unbearably hot for the poor little dears. Hopefully, the G G’s vehicle (and the other dignitaries’ vehicles) was as well air conditioned as their ‘retreat’, the Menen.

Lunch with dignitaries, afternoon tea with the H C, state banquet for dinner.

How he could possibly keep up such a hectic schedule in those incredibly adverse conditions is a testimony to the calibre of ‘our government’ and all who represent them. It must have been dreadful. Positively dreadful. What a man.

He must have saved his PO(OP)W inspection for when he had suitably recovered from his arduous schedule. He was still in Yaren, after all.

“On Thursday 1 February 2018, at Nauru International Airport, the Governor-General, His Excellency General the Honourable Sir Peter Cosgrove AK MC (Retd), and Lady Cosgrove, were farewelled from the Republic of Nauru by the Minister for Health, Education and Home Affairs, Ms Charmaine Scotty MP, and the Secretary of Foreign Affairs and Trade, Mr Mike Aroi.”

Ok, so there was no mention of his inspection of our PO(OP)W facilities. Well, it’s a teeny weeny itsy bitsy little island made of bird poop. He must have been able to see the PO(OP)W facilities from his facilities. He would most certainly be able to attest to the conditions to anyone who would care to listen. Even Pezzullo’s goon, Dutton, assuming he ever cared to listen to anyone other than his master.

Our intrepid Cozzy had to steel himself for the further demands of his rigorous schedule.

“In the evening, at Manuka Oval, Canberra, the Governor-General as Patron, and Lady Cosgrove, as guests of the President of Lord’s Taverners ACT, Mr Richard Smith AO PSM, attended the Prime Minister’s XI 2018 Lord’s Taverners Dinner.”

Such stamina. What a man. All of this in one day. It was days before he had suitably recovered and was well enough to travel again, albeit only locally. He didn’t leave Australia until the 22^nd February. He didn’t make it to Geneva, Switzerland, until the 26^th February. As the Human Rights Law Commission reported:

“The Turnbull Government will tonight begin Australia’s first ever session as a member of the United Nations Human Rights Council, the UN body responsible for protecting the rights and dignity of people all over the world.”

Daniel Webb, a Director of Legal Advocacy at the Human Rights Law Centre, went on to say;

“There is an absolutely staggering gulf between what the Turnbull Government has been saying on the world stage and actually doing at home,” said Mr Webb.

“The Turnbull Government told the UN that it ‘believes that all people are entitled to respect, dignity and the protection of their rights.’ I can only imagine how those words must sound to the 150 children the Turnbull Government has left languishing on Nauru for almost five years.”

Mr Webb went on to detail things like our treatment of our First People, the muzzling of the press (what little is left of it) and all sorts of spurious things.

“If we genuinely want to see a world where people are treated fairly and humanely – where victims of injustice are not just abandoned by the international community and left to suffer in silence – then we desperately need Governments like ours to act honestly and responsibly on the Human Rights Council,”

Who could truly represent such a reprehensible ‘government’ to the UNHRC with any credibility? Nearly direct from the teeny weeny itsy bitsy little island made of bird poop, having raised a flag to celebrate 50 years of dependent independence only weeks before, the intrepid Cozzy, ex military, G G of Australia.

“Australia’s Governor-General, Sir Peter Cosgrove, is scheduled to deliver a statement to the Council on behalf of the Turnbull Government tonight…”

Well, at least he will be able to give first hand testimony as to the conditions at the magnificent PO(OP)W facilities. He is ex military, so there’s nothing farcical about our intrepid Cozzy. He is ex military, so there won’t be any of this hypocrisy nonsense. He is ex military, so lying is out (and any suggestion to the contrary is simply unconscionable, un Australian even).

The SBS reported on it:

“Australia’s Governor-General Sir Peter Cosgrove has made the country’s first address as a UN Human Rights Council member, saying Australia is “deeply committed” to promoting equality for all.”

There you go. What a man.

He went on to give a lengthy dissertation on the humanitarian and caring way ‘our government’ observes its obligations to the various UN treaties and charters, how we would never put those in our care in harms way, how we would immediately (without regard for expense or embarrassment) rectify any transgressions, however small, to preserve our firm belief that human life, all human life, is precious.

That last paragraph was false.

The only bit SBS reported was this.

“We have a duty to promote the rights of the most vulnerable, oppressed, discriminated communities, and to seek universality of human rights to all parts of our world,” Sir Peter said.

Some 26 days after he left Nauru, he addressed the UNHRC in Geneva, Switzerland, and lied.

What a man. As the Queen’s Representative, she must be thrilled. The little Antipodean outpost has grown up and started its very own penal colonies. What a fitting ambassador for the Queen, and for our ‘government’, to stand in front of the UNHRC as the first of the Australian representatives and lie, just like Proud Old Mother England has done for decades.

What a man. What a ‘government’.

What a disgrace.