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Every football team needs a head-kicker but you don’t make him captain

The Liberal Party has no-one else to blame but themselves for their current woes. When they allowed the climate change deniers to stage a coup and install their puppet as leader they set themselves up for this fall.

Tony is a populist ideologue which is a contradiction within itself. He is a self-described weathervane, changing his views with the prevailing wind of the polls, intermingled with bizarre captain’s calls, a confused allegiance to a Church he lambasted when one of its own, an anachronistic devotion to the monarchy, and a sycophantic need to please.

As Laurie Oakes said, Tony has had more positions on climate change and an ETS than the Karma Sutra.

He has also done a complete turnaround on federal/state relationships. In his book Battlelines he said

“…the only way to sort out responsibilities in areas where the two levels of government are both involved is to put one level of government in overall charge.”

By “one level of government”, Abbott was explicit that he meant the Commonwealth.

Only a few years on and Tony changed his mind saying there should be “much more local control of schools and hospitals” and much less “federal interference with the way state bureaucracies run schools and hospitals”.

And then there is Tony’s signature Paid Parental Leave policy. In 2002, he told a Liberal Party function in Victoria:

“Compulsory paid maternity leave? Over this Government’s dead body, frankly.”

When it became apparent that Tony was very unpopular with women, he, with no consultation or modelling or costing, went in the total opposite direction by announcing the most generous PPL in the world.

Workchoices is supposedly “dead, buried and cremated” but the Productivity Commission has been instructed to review minimum wage, penalty rates, unfair dismissal laws, enterprise bargaining and individual contracts. Reg will now be known as Loretta.

How is anyone to understand what Tony Abbott stands for when it appears his words mean nothing?

For example, on the ABC’s Insiders on September 1, 2013, Tony Abbott stated:

“I want to give people this absolute assurance, no cuts to education, no cuts to health, no changes to pensions and no changes to the GST.”

And on September 6, 2013, the day before the 2013 Federal Election, Tony Abbott again ruled out any changes to the GST while speaking to Neil Mitchell on 3AW:

NEIL MITCHELL: So what are the no-go zones?

TONY ABBOTT: Well, if you can be more efficient, obviously you should be more efficient. There’s no point preserving inefficiency if efficiency is possible. What we aren’t going to do is we’re not going to cut health spending, we’re not going to cut education spending. We’re not going to reduce pensions, we’re not going to change the GST – all of the scares that Kevin Rudd has been hyperventilating over, over the last few weeks is simple nonsense.

It is apparent that Tony has no problem lying to get what he wants. Perhaps this stems from his parents shielding him from the consequences of his actions by employing senior legal teams to get Tony off several youthful misdemeanors whilst encouraging his dreams of grandeur.

When asked today about the vastly higher popularity of Malcolm Turnbull and Julie Bishop as preferred leader, Tony said “One of the reasons why so many members of the team are able to perform so well is because they have got a very good captain.”

You may be a good head-kicker Tony but you haven’t got a clue what it takes to be a captain.

 

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49 comments

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  1. kate ahearne

    Thanks for this, Kaye. I’ve been watching my Inbox with glee, waiting for AIMN to respond to the self-styled Brilliant Captain. Of course, Turnbull and Bishop wouldn’t have realised that their popularity was all down to Tony, but they do now. I noticed that in response, Joe Hockey says he wants the government to get back to the real business – of making Australia richer. RICHER? Tell that to the young unemployed, the pensioners, the would-be uni students, the PLANET. And as for Catholic Tony, he’s not much of an advertisement, not much of a Christian! Love your work.

  2. lyne fomiatti

    Captain Liar of Team Australia. What an insult, what a joke…

  3. virtualnonsense

    “One of the reasons why so many members of the team are able to perform so well is because they have got a very good captain.”

    And just when I thought he’d run out of stupid things to say… Give me strength!!!

  4. aortic

    Thank you Kaye again. There is a strange dichotomy here. Tony Abbott a practicing Catholic ( he may get it right if he practices enough) is a gobsmacked fan of the monarchy whose head is the head of the Church of England and defender of such faith, Tony Abbott’s head of the church is the Pope whose dogma is diametrically opposed to the Protestant religion. I may be missing something here but to me it is a sign of a mind that is all nuts and no Bolts not even Andrew.

  5. stephentardrew

    Captain my Captain my damn ignorant lying misogynist captain.
    Holding young Julie and Malcolm’s little paws keeping them safe from harm.
    Sweaty my treasures is a very bad boy and has to sit in the corner a deficit pawner.
    Morrison the monster gladly doing dirty work for God, SS and country with delusions of being Captain my Captain.
    Bishop the mishap boots all asunder the glorious Goddess of awe and wonder torn asunder by fatuous superiority and need.
    Corman the boring man “I von’t be Back”. Thank God.
    Pyne the pweashous Golum of blue blood elitism treading down those working class scum.
    Weaselly Dutton holding Morrison’s mutton just keeps sucking and sucking and refugee fuc…
    Credlin the deadlin the reverse Robbin hood bedlam pushing IPA wishes to victimize the poor.
    Lie, lie, lie, lee, lie, lei, lei Nooo you misrepresent me I never said that you progressive bad truthy thing.
    Twas on the good ship Titanic that the Captain went manic pulling the plugs and drowning the slugs.
    Oops wrong ship!
    Yeeks better give Phil the bill of Sir Suck arse and get the payback knighthood before the ignorant swill realise .
    See what a true Captain can do?

  6. Hyper Bollocks

    And yet this “Captain” led a pack of rejected has-beens to a significant victory. Team sports can be weird.

  7. Loz

    I think Abbott is going a bit bonkers.

  8. kate ahearne

    Hyper, And no doubt he’ll lead this pack of ‘rejected losers’ to another ‘significant victory’?

  9. kate ahearne

    Yes, Loz. I’ve just been wondering the same thing myself – seriously. What’s been happening lately is beyond the parameters of what might be called ‘normal behaviour’. How could he possibly have thought that it would be a good idea to tell everyone what a good captain he is? It’s just not quite sane.

  10. Kaye Lee

    I don’t think this “Captain” led the team anywhere at all. He remained standing while those around him fell down. Tony is the Steven Bradbury of politics thanks to Nick Minchin, a gutless bunch of reactive wannabes, and a Labor Party determined to shoot itself in the foot..

  11. corvus boreus

    Hyper bollocks,
    The barracking for the ‘sporting’ teams can be even weirder.
    I met another human recently who was disparaging Tony Abbott. He was this and that and she hadn’t voted for HIM!
    When I asked who she had voted for, she named the local coalition member.

    The colours with which we wrap ourselves can become the banners for which we will draw blood.

  12. Hyper Bollocks

    kate,

    Hyper, And no doubt he’ll lead this pack of ‘rejected losers’ to another ‘significant victory’?

    I don’t see how that will be possible. Even with a replacement Captain I don’t see how it will happen. The options are either just as, or more, vile, or unthinkable, even for the Coalition (e.g. J Bishop).

  13. kate ahearne

    Sorry, Hyper. Your original comment seemed to be coming from a rusted-on Tony fan. I seem to have misunderstood.

  14. David

    “You may be a good head-kicker Tony but you haven’t got a clue what it takes to be a captain.”..you have summed him up perfectly Kaye Lee

  15. Rosemary (@RosemaryJ36)

    Corvus Boreus highlights the point that too many Australian voters do not understand the political system. Two compulsory school subjects should be Australian Politics and Comparative Religion. Forget about Chaplains and get qualified School Counsellors. And beef up teaching Science properly!

  16. corvus boreus

    “Captain, we’re getting slaughtered out here! What can we do?”
    “Um…Sledge.”

  17. Kaye Lee

    Tony’s sporting solutions are telling. He admits he was crap at batting or bowling so what use was he to the cricket team I ask. He admits that in football he felt it necessary to punch the opponents. The appraisal of his boxing prowess was no talent, no style, just come out flaying. That is why I do not understand people’s surprise at the way he is behaving now. He hasn’t changed in any way. Once an inadequate thug, always an inadequate thug.

  18. DanDark

    Spot on Kaye, our Tones has always been a nobody passing himself off as a somebody he has perfected this over a life time.
    “A leopard never changes its spots’ and Tones is a leopard and was passed off as a mongrel cat to the voting public
    by Madman Murdoch and his mob…

  19. Kerri

    #aortic the Church of England or Anglican Church grew out of Henry the eigth’s need to Divorce Catherine of Aragon. Prior to this Henry was a Catholic. The Pope refused his request for a divorce and so Henry took it upon himself to be head of the Church of England. In many of their practices and beliefs COE and Catholic churches are very similar.

    #Loz & kate aherne
    I totally agree he is losing what few plastic marbles he may have had to start with, but I frankly believe Tony to be very, very alone at the moment and hence the public messages are directed more at his party than at voters. It is clear he doesn’t go home to discuss stuff with Margie, and hasn’t for most of his time as PM. All his silly ideas get blown back in his face so he stomps off to do what he wants without the approval he knows isn’t there. His “Captain’s pick” goes with the beg forgiveness ask permission narrative. He wants things set in stone that cannot be altered to make his name in history. But we all know what he will be remembered for? Not “The Infrastructure Prime minister” nor the Captains Picks nor the bloke with the not bad looking daughters. He is so insecure he tries to write the headlines he wants to see.

  20. Jexpat

    Tony Abbott: I’m Spartacus (get in writing, though).

    Murdoch: Peta Credlin is Spartacus.

    Julie Bishop: I’m Spartacus… with a chaperone.

    Scott Morrison: I’m Spartacus, see how I smite thyne enemies.

    Joe Hockey: I’m Spartacus… with a Cuban cigar.

    Malcolm Turnbull: I’m Spartacus… on a cross of gold.

  21. Terry2

    The bare faced lying worked for some and gave comfort to others, it got him into office and, as I understand it his lying has been absolved by his religion. But if the Liberal party think memories are so short that those who believed him will have forgotten by the 2016 election they will need to think again.

    If you were planning your 2016 election strategy, as no doubt the back-room Liberals are doing, would you take Abbott to the election as your figurehead around which you expect the populace to throng ?

  22. Möbius Ecko

    Apparently Tony Abbott to announce at the upcoming Press Club speech that his signature PPL is to be scrapped, and he’s going to frame it as listening to the people and listening to his back bench, as another reboot.

    His constant reboots are more like his stutters when answering questions.

  23. Kaye Lee

    The hardest part of the next election campaign will be trying to fit all the lies into an ad. It would take volumes to list them all. I would suggest Tony will be regretting his “no cuts” assurances. And to say he will take changes to an election, good luck campaigning to increase the GST and bring back Workchoices. I would imagine the figures on emissions growth as well as power price increases will also feature large. Tony will get no absolution from me and I have a very good memory.

  24. Kaye Lee

    AUSTRALIA has been named and shamed on a list of the world’s worst human rights offenders — but it’s not just our treatment of indigenous people and asylum seekers that has landed us there.

    http://mobile.news.com.au/national/australia-under-the-spotlight-in-human-rights-watch-world-report-2015/story-fncynjr2-1227201672536

    Who would have believed that a government could so quickly trash Australia’s international reputation in so many ways. From being a world leader we have become a pariah in less than 18 months. Well done you.

  25. Terry2

    But, Mobius if you are correct, will he say that the existing parental leave scheme – introduced by Labor – is quite adequate for the present and that any enhancement should be left to individual employers ?

  26. Möbius Ecko

    I see on ABC News 24 this morning they are saying that though the situations are different, Abbott dumping his PPL can be a Rudd dumping the ETS moment. It might placate his backbenchers but may be seen by the general population as too much of a backdown. Not because it’s a popular policy but because Abbott pinned so much of his reputation to it, as Rudd did with backdown on the “great moral, environmental and economic challenge of our age”.

  27. DanDark

    Tones can reboot a million times but it wont make an iota of difference now
    He is a lying, nasty, incompetent uneducated fool and the country is paying for having
    Captain Chaos in charge of the titanic.
    That ship was suppose to be sink proof, it went down on its maiden voyage

    Maybe Tones needs to use cricket analogies instead, because I am over the barnacle scraping thing etc
    Oh I got one for him, Tones was stumped multiple times when he tried to hit sixes
    His ministers make poor fielders and cannot bat for shit…..:)
    The Libs are at the bottom of the ladder, no chance to get into the finals now……

  28. Harquebus

    Tony Abbott doesn’t have a clue, period. It is the ideology, not the man. Any replacement, including Shorten, will lead us down the same destructive path of perpetual growth. Bacteria don’t see the petri dish and like bacteria, we are consuming ourselves towards the collapse of just about every system that sustains us.
    Constantly bashing Tony ain’t gonna change that.

  29. DanDark

    Instead of ” where are my ladies” its now
    “where is my team” LOL tooo funny
    He has lost his team, they did a runner, just like “his ladies” LOL

  30. lawrencewinder

    One of the most interesting comments about Rabid-the-Hun’s manic behaviour was by an unnamed “senior” Larbril, “…we’re a party that likes competence and not bloodletting…” And right there, I think, is the root of their problem. Cognitive dissonance. Does this “senior” think that what they did to “Slippery” Pete over $1000.00 was not bloodletting? Did he not see the hypocrisy of Rabid’s rortings being allowed to be paid back? And the recruitment of hard-line, right-wingers with their eyes too close together with their office-boy reliance on the farcical “research” of the “The Coots-With-Queer-Ideas-From-a-Parallel-Universe” (IPA) for what little policy platform they have hardly smacks of competence either.
    They rule, not for the people but their own business interests and a return to “Von Ribbentrop” Turnbull will solve nothing. They have corrupted from within.

  31. Kaye Lee

    Oh geeze….

    “Former Howard government cabinet minister Mal Brough is being urged by his colleagues to challenge Tony Abbott for the prime ministership if Saturday’s election result in his home state of Queensland is as bad as many MPs fear.

    Fairfax Media has confirmed with multiple sources that Mr Brough has been approached to act as a leadership circuit-breaker. He is said to be a taking a wait and see approach.

    Mr Brough did not deny approaches had been made to him when contacted by Fairfax Media.

    He said only that: “clearly people are talking to each other because we are all interested in doing what’s best for the nation”.

    http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/mal-brough-urged-to-challenge-tony-abbott-for-leadership-20150131-132rfe.html

  32. corvus boreus

    Kaye Lee,
    Re Mal (how wet is my) Brough and his hints at a tilt..
    There is military terminology regarding siege assaults called the ‘forlorn hope’.
    This was a small body thrown in on their just before the main attack, with no realistic hope of success, for the purpose of drawing fire away from the approaching main force.
    They were often composed of volunteer desperadoes seeking glory and the criminally condemned.

  33. Harquebus

    @Kaye Lee.
    Like I said, it is the ideology, not the man. It doesn’t matter who is in charge, we will only get more of the same for the foreseeable future.

  34. corvus boreus

    Harquebus,
    So are you advocating apathetic acceptance of the status quo?
    Or immediate revolutionary insurrection to overthrow capitalist ‘democracy’ and install an anarchist utopia?
    Should we fortify and stockpile?
    Or should we just seriously contemplate the validity of self-termination?
    Or could it just be you throwing yet another repetition of a fatalistic viewpoint into the conversational mix?

  35. Terry2

    Mal Brough ?? Is this tactic to encourage the troops to rally around Abbott – quite clearly Brough will never be Prime Minister of Australia and is unlikely to make minister, he has far too much unsorted baggage – this is purely diversionary but, it seems a dangerous ploy because if there is a spill of leadership places then Turnbull and Bishop would be foolish not to step up.

    Meanwhile in Queensland NEWS Corp through the Courier Mail have really gone overboard for the LNP pushing this silly argument that bikie gangs are supporting Labor (and that Labor are being funded by bikie gangs) but they seem to forget that people in Queensland are not stupid and treating them like uninformed hicks could backfire badly for them.

    By the way,Turnbull has just delivered a speech on leadership in New York : could this be a dog whistle to his Liberal Party colleagues – and possibly Rupert ?

  36. Bacchus

    it seems a dangerous ploy because if there is a spill of leadership places then Turnbull and Bishop would be foolish not to step up.

    Terry2 – that would be exactly the ploy. It’s how Abbott became LOTO in the first place. In that case it was Kevin Andrews who precipitated the challenge. They call it a “suicide bomber” ploy. (from Kaye Lee’s link)

  37. crypt0

    Tony”s reboots don’t seem to be doing the trick …
    When the electorate gives him the boot, that should be much more effective …
    If in fact his loyal colleagues, under instruction from murdoch’s minions don’t get in first .

  38. Harquebus

    @corvus boreus
    Just trying to expand horizons. There are seriously dark clouds coming our way and they will for sure, wipe the smirk from your face. You appear to me to be just another intelligent ignoramus.
    We’ll see how smart you are in a years time.
    Cheers.

  39. corvus boreus

    Hack-buss,
    II doubt you will really ever see how ‘smart’ I am.
    The probable outcomes which you hysterically sandwich board about, I have long accepted as a distinct possibility, and taken ongoing against the event of. Material preperations, training and acquired knowledge give me reasonable flexibility in options.
    Meantime, I continue to work actively to try to prevent such (optimism keeps me societally functional)..
    I lightly value the blind judgement of someone who claims smug pride in obtaining a piece of ‘parchment’ and deems online chastisement of journalists a heroic and worthy struggle.
    You offer nothing but disparagement of any proposition of solutions or expression of optimism (and the odd piss-weak insult), and general proclamations of siuational hopelessness.
    Your powder seems wet with your own tears.
    ‘Cheers’.

  40. mars08

    “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”
    ~Abraham Lincoln

    …. of course we know that Abbott doesn’t even handle adversity particularly well…

  41. David

    Amidst the joy of Queensland Labors awesum victory this……a tweet from sky news political jurno David Lipson, here it is in full

    David @davidjoepat · 29m 29 minutes ago

    David Lipson @lipporocks SkyNews Post: Wow Federal Minister text to @Kieran_Gilbert “Abbott is finished. It’s a matter of when” @SkyNewsAust

  42. Harquebus

    @corvus boringus
    As I said, we will see how smart you really are as the future unfolds. If everything improves and turns out just dandy, I will apologize. If on the other hand things do go pear shaped which, I think is far more likely, what will you do? It won’t do any good crying then mate and now won’t seem so funny either.

  43. corvus boreus

    Interestingly, Captain Abbott, when recently discussing the pratfall performance of his Queensland colleagues in the lead up to the election, did not blame Newman and his blatantly dodgy policies and practices, nor any reflected opprobrium from Tonys’ own crapulence and clutziness.
    Instead, he stated that the media were to blame for asking the wrong questions.
    Tomorrows PM address to the press club will be funny to watch. I suspect the ‘questioners’ might even ask the ‘captain’ a few pertinent ones. They may even want some answers.
    I hear the sweet sound of blades on whetstones.

  44. townsvilleblog

    The Qld LNP got a good swift kick yesterday, it seems that voters are now prepared to kick parties out if they don’t treat us well.

  45. John

    If you read the line “What we aren’t going to do is we’re not going to cut health………………..” is a double edged sword. What I mean is the words ‘What we aren’t going to do is we’re not going to’ is a double meaning. It means ‘what we will do is’ because if you aren’t going to do anything, then you must be going to do something. He also said that if it’s not written down, then it’s not true. So how can you tell when Abbotts lying? Simple- he opens his mouth.

  46. Annie B

    Kerri – re :

    “the Church of England or Anglican Church grew out of Henry the eigth’s need to Divorce Catherine of Aragon. Prior to this Henry was a Catholic. The Pope refused his request for a divorce and so Henry took it upon himself to be head of the Church of England. In many of their practices and beliefs COE and Catholic churches are very similar.”

    _____________

    You are correct Kerri … high Church of England ( in particular ) and the Catholic Church ceremonies, ( Mass for both ) are pretty much identical.

    However, Henry the 8th lived and died a Catholic – perhaps a skewed version of it, but nonetheless, totally a Catholic. … It was AFTER his death that the reformation took place, ( his last wife, Catherine Parr was an active reformist for what was later known as Protestant – or Protest-ant ) Henry didn’t know about that btw. ….

    What old Henry did was argue that Catherine of Aragon, having been married to his own brother before said bro. died – had defied the law of the Roman ( Catholic ) Church to marry and bed her dead husbands’ brother, even tho she avowed Henrys’ bro. and she had never had sex. ? … [ Henry was ultra dubious about the whole thing, but it suited him to be dubious !! ]

    Half the cardinals agreed, the other half didn’t ( more or less ) about the brother / marriage bit …. Henry who had the hots for Anne Bolyn at the time, because Catherine had given him a daughter and no sons ( had miscarried sons ) …. decided that his marriage to Catherine of Aragon was null and void, and should never have happened in the first place. So – he majestically proclaimed that HE – Henry, was now head of the Catholic Church in Engand, and to hell with the Pope, as Pope wouldn’t give him a dispensation.

    And it went on from there, through religious wars on English turf, — before and after Henry’s death, through the short but vile reign of Bloody Mary ( a staunch Roman Catholic ), and so on …… while the reformation ( the emerging Protestantism ) grew in strength, ending up in different corners, but for the English – as the Church of England – – –

    The Sovereign of England is still called – the ” Defender of the Faith “, which is all rather odd, as Henry continued on – as defender of the (Catholic) faith in England. It was his daughter – Elizabeth 1st, who settled the Anglican compromise, so many years later.

    Just thought I’d throw that one in.

  47. Mick Farrell

    Captain? Nobody had ever, ever considered him as a captain before. Certainly not at school where he couldn’t even make the team. Then again team players don’t run around sobbing and dribbling to everyone that the teacher won’t pick you as part of some conspiracy. Pity his father didn’t give him a good clip under the ear. At college when 24/25 he couldn’t even get a game in front of 17 year old kids who weren’t even shaving.

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