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Elderberries and hamsters, dead cats and climate crimes

Pantalons de merde’s Maccers reprise

Remember being embarrassed on behalf of Americans when their corpulent, carrot-coloured BLOTUS attended international forums to gibber his inanities about buying Greenland and relocating Seoul? With his puckered sphincter pout evoking an image of an orangutan bent over to tie its shoes The Donald was a global objet d’ridicule and a national stigma for those Americans with principles and active brain functions.

Karma. Now it’s our turn.

DiddleyScott Morrison showed early form when it comes to mortifying Australia on an international stage. Diddley’s 2019 spooning of Trump on the lawns of the White House was Obadiah Slope-level cringeworthy but he went even further with a reach around, earlobe-nibble and dismount. Half the nation turned red at the discomforting visuals of Diddley’s metaphorical fondling of the orange scrotum.

Such allusion was reinforced at June’s G7 in Cornwall. Invited as the waterboy Diddley capered around the ankles of Boris Johnson like a rescue puppy looking for a scratch behind the ear. BoJo is a man resembling a fright wig thrown onto an abandoned construction site, but his office signifies inherent if unrealised gravitas which had Diddley wobbly of knee and moist of crotch, his ever-present smirk stretching into a look-at-me, shit-eating grin but apart from aghast Aussies no-one knew who he was.



This is characteristic of a bully – sucking up and punching down. Another defining characteristic is, of course, cowardice.

Never one to forego an opportunity to big note himself Diddley was nevertheless a reluctant starter for the G20 and COP26. A fresh pack of Depends was broken out as our head coprolite pondered the prospect of fronting irate world leaders who are immune to his climate denialist lies and obfuscations.

The desire for him to attend by those who would be most embarrassed that this odious slug represented our country was puzzling. Perhaps this was a case of outing that creepy vicar you caught in the vestry with his dick in the hoover and a feather duster up his clacker by flinging the door open and saying to the congregation “See, I told yers!”.

In readiness for Diddley’s participation in COP his minders and crime scene cleansers from Wolfe, Crosby, Textor & Co. dug up a dead cat – internet trolls, groomers and cat fishers. “The plan was to stir up alarm about people being nasty on Facebook to divert from any inconvenient language presaging a phase-out of coal in the final communique” but it only resulted in government politicians deleting their browser histories. It had zero affect on the frosty reception that awaited Diddley and his cooker of the books Black Angus Taylor, infamous for various #gates and known to gas executives and Cayman Island bankers as Fidel deFigueres.

At the COP the visuals of presidents and prime ministers suddenly finding an interest in their shoes or the wallpaper upon Morrison’s approach was hugely amusing as was his hectoring speech to an empty hall – the delegates having bolted for the door, a ciggy in the freezing carpark having greater appeal. The highlight was Emmanuel Macron throwing stink eye Morrison’s way upon being subject to one of Mossion’s signature laying on of hands for a slime-by photo-op.

From national joke and hide and seek champion to duplicitous international charlatan is quite the achievement even for the most blatant of dodgy operators. Fully equipped with a spectrum of his own off-putting personality tics supplemented with disturbing Trumpian tendencies there is, to quote Julian Hill MP, something seriously wrong with this bloke. “This bloke” has taken his expertise in double dealing beyond our borders to the world stage.

Called out for being a liar by Macron he lied to the press about the press he was lying to, accusing them of posing for selfies with the French president. Pulled up on it he reflexively blamed someone else – “I must have been misinformed.

“There has been lying, duplicity, a major breach of trust and contempt” French Foreign Minister Jean-Yves Le Drian

Diddley no doubt thought he could pull off ‘global statesman’ as his latest persona, a Churchillian defender of “the Australian way” added to his palette of pre-fab personalities – an enlargement of his evolving grand narrative of Brave Sir Scotty*, guardian of our sovereignty, a grateful nation turning its eyes to its beneficent saviour. All he achieved was adding the entire French nation to all those sentient Aussies who already know what a shallow, duplicitous prick he really is.

He’s shat himself in front of the world. Embarrassed? I sure am.

*Hat tip to @RonniSalt




* * * * *

“We voted for Scott but most of us hate him” said an MP to me, when I quit – Julia Banks

Malcolm Turnbull’s Address to the National Press Club – September 2021

‘The Lord wants me to be prime minister’ — how Scott Morrison foretold his destiny. Crikey.


This article was originally published on Grumpy Geezer.

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  1. New England Cocky

    Why are we NOT surprised that Scummo Sacked from Marketing, the Liar from the Shire, demonstrated his unsuitability to be Australian Prime Minister with such blatant narcissism and bare faced gall on the international stage. But Scummo is a slef-inflicted wound caused by Australian voters taking politics too lightly.

    At every election vote:
    and we may have a chance of saving some of Australian natural resources for the benefit of our grandkids.

  2. Phil Pryor

    Imagine a monument to this lying, untrustworthy, lazy turd? How does one mould and sculpt Diarrhoea? Leave this to birds…

  3. Kate Ahearne

    Thanks, Grumpy. Hilarious.

    I especially love ‘DiddleyScott’. I haven’t been big on using any of the many nicknames that have been applied to him, but I am now. DiddleyScott, Diddley Scott, DiddleyScott.

  4. Stephengb

    I prefer to use ‘snotty’ (lower case intended), but I like Diddley as well so I will use ‘diddley-snot’ (lower case intended)

  5. Harry Lime

    A much needed and appreciated alleviation of a particularly sour mood today..many thanks Mr. Geezer.The sooner this outrageously insulting fuckwit is removed, the better.

  6. Brad Black

    Diddley’s a great nickname for scotty, Mr Geezer. I quite like turd face too. Great writing!

  7. Diane Larsen

    Diddley it is, thank you grumpy for an entertaining piece as usual

  8. Kerri

    When Scott says “I won’t stand for Australia being sledged, What he means is….. IF YOU SLEDGE ME YOU SLEDGE AUSTRALIA WE ARE ONE IN THE SAME. now that makes the eagle delusion sound reasonable!

  9. Bert

    Angus Taylor known to gas executives and Cayman Island bankers as Fidel deFigueres.

    FEK! another keyboard down the drain after I spit beer all over it…….

  10. Grumpy Geezer

    I owe you a beer Bert. New keyboard? Bugger.

  11. BB

    “Move on” cries DiddleyScott Morrison, hoping folks don’t realise he’s throwing a dead frog on the table!

  12. Roswell

    Make that two beers and a bottle of Sard.

  13. Kathryn

    If Emmanuel Macron keeps up the well-received, intuitive, justifiable and ongoing condemnation of the insignificant, self-promoting, egotistical, non-achieving bone idle Sloth Morrison, Macron could run as Australia’s next PM and get the job!

    In all seriousness, the Pariah from the Shire, as expected, proved to be about as popular as a pork chop in a Jewish synagogue at the COP20 Summit. TV footage of Morrison desperately seeking someone – anyone – willing to stand next to him was so sad and pathetic, it almost made me cry ….. the tears of joy were hard to switch off! It was Lady Karma at her best! This cringe-worthy, incredibly unpopular political parasite, once again, did NOTHING, achieved NOTHING but embarrassed our nation on the international stage and made a complete arse of himself!

    Like most thuggish bullies, Morrison is a snivelling coward who is about as shallow as a car park puddle. The Trump-supporting DidleySquat Sloth has ZERO substance, no credibility, not an ounce of integrity, has the compassion of a starving crocodile and about as much foresight as Mr Magoo sans spectacles! When one first viewed the blatant isolation of this Antipodean A*sehole, you could be forgiven if you suspected MorriSCAMMER shat his pants just one more time for good measure which, no doubt, made being anywhere within 5 kms of him unbearable to anything with a pulse but, no, DidleySquat Sloth is just singularly obnoxious, internationally condemned and thoroughly offensive to be around – even on those occasions he is wearing clean underwear! Even the arrogant, cigar-chomping Bastard from Belgium, Matthias Cormann, noticeably avoided eye contact in his desperate attempt to avoid him!

    It is impossible to find one single redeeming feature in Morrison who’s atrocious smirking arrogance, callousness and blatant self-serving corruption FAILS to be hidden underneath a nauseating veneer of bible-thumping hypocrisy drawn from his adherence to the notorious paedophile-protecting CULT of Hillsong!

  14. wam

    just a little caution: macron is french! Lying has been the language of diplomacy for a thousand years. I cheered, as long ago, as dien bien phu and the disgusting activities in algeria. Since then my bias reflects that I have found nothing worthy in the nation. (Has anyone found a worthy outcome beyond ‘je suis charlie’?)
    Well said, kathryn,
    christian churches all have women and children as inferior with some more inferior than others.

  15. Anke

    Dust bunnies blowing across prime time news’ slots, the sound of eerie wind blowing across the bloated edifice of power in Canberra. The utter alkaline gall of this munted moron prentending to ” play with the big guys!”
    All I can do is cringe in the kitchen and bang my head with a colander, ,”Australia what have we become?” A country who manufactures armaments, throws $trillions toward the Defense Department because you know we have stay relevant ?

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