By Ross Sharp
Andrew Bolt, the Herald-Sun’s resident expert on Andrew Bolt and gerbalism germalism burbleism writing shit, recently decided to turn his attention to the matter of the firm but gentle mollycoddling and indulgences meted out to those naughty lads incarcerated within the soft machine of the Northern Territory’s Don Dale Juvenile Detention Centre, treatment which was highlighted on the ABC’s “Four Corners” program on Monday 25th July, 2016.
This “treatment”, as we are now all well aware, involved footage of one 17-year-old boy being thrown across his cell, kneed and knocked to the ground, repeatedly stripped naked, kept in solitary confinement and strapped into a restraining chair with a bag over his head. Other footage showed six boys being tear-gassed because one boy had escaped his isolation cell, apparently constituting a “riot” of sorts, if you think “riot” means two other boys quietly playing cards in their cells, and the rest just farting about in theirs doing f**k-all, but perhaps gassing them all was a “scale of economy” thing, just in case these other “idiots” and “little f**kers” got some bright ideas.
The report, an exercise in actual “investigative journalism”, resulted in Human Rights lawyers insisting this treatment constituted a gross violation of the United Nations’ Convention against Torture and the 1924 Geneva Declaration of the Rights of the Child (although to be fair, according to former Prime Minister Tony Abbott, Australians are a little “sick of being lectured to” by the UN on such trivial matters like torture) and generally had most people who saw it muttering “What the f**king f**k?” in shock, horror and general disgust.
Almost immediately after the “Four Corners” program went to air, journalists, reporters, commentators and numerous members of the general public did voice their revulsion, rage and sickened astonishment at what had been reported, and a bunch of Northern Territory politicians who’d always been in the know about such carryings-on shuffled their feet, ummed and ahh-ed and went wee-wee-wee-wee-wee all the way home, muttering what a bad f**king “look” it was that this “look” had made it to the telly, revealing the whole lot of them to be a right gammy bunch of nasty hoofwanking thunderc**ts.
Bolt, on the other hand, maintained a curious silence on the matter from 9.45pm Monday evening (“Four Corners” concluded at 8.30pm) until 10.20am Tuesday 26th, initially proclaiming the behaviour shown by the prison authorities as “totally unacceptable”, then moving on to suggesting the program’s transcript “suggested another side to the story” and then stating he was “unconvinced” by calls for a Royal Commission and that the guard’s behaviour may have been somehow justified in light of the 17-year-old’s history of delinquency and incarceration, a history dating back to when the boy was 11-years-old.
Bolt, convicted of breaching the Racial Discrimination Act in 2011 for two articles he had typed in 2009, articles described by the prosecutor as a “frozen in history eugenic approach” to multiculturalism, and whose monosyllabic prose stylings often come highly commended and endorsed by random misfits from the white supremacist, neo-Nazi “organisation” Stormfront (refer screenshot at top), a man with so many chips upon his shoulders you could open a f**king quarry, and a persecution complex so monstrously Herculean it would leave Jesus Christ himself gape-mouthed with awe, then went on to insist we “add perspective to better see our way forward” and put the matter into “context”, perhaps the same type of “contextualising” David Irving may apply to the gassing of the Jews during WWII, or the type of “contextualising” a Catholic priest may apply after blowing his load in the mouth of a boy and then arguing it was nothing more than a practical exercise in sex education.
“But”, went Bolt, as if encouraging us all to pull up a chair, share a few Jatz crackers, and calmly sip cups of Milo in preparation for polite chat.
A few blog-posts later, Bolt went the full howler-monkey, turning his attention to the United Nations, and an apparent “plea” from ABC Radio National’s Ellen Fanning to have this type of treatment highlighted by the program defined by the UN as “torture”, with Bolt insisting “this appeal to foreigners to police us shows a contempt for Australia’s capacity to manage its own affairs”.
Manage them, perhaps, in the manner suggested by NT Chief Minister Adam Giles back in 2010 …
“I would love to be the Corrections Minister. It is not the portfolio I really aspire to but, if I was the prisons Minister, I would build a big concrete hole and put all the bad criminals in there. ‘Right you are in the hole, you are not coming out, start learning about it’. I might break every United Nations convention on the right of the prisoner, but ‘get in the hole’.”
Giles, the type of c**t only a man like Bolt would approve of, went all yammer-stammer, aw-gee-shucks ain’t that a shame, the day after the “Four Corners” report went to air, confessing to an uncomfortable feeling (a little “tight” in his pants?) at the sight of a juvenile in a mechanical restraint chair, even though he and his Cabinet had approved its use for just that purpose four months earlier, and as some wag in the NT News so pointedly asked, “What did he think it was going to be used for? Wheelchair basketball?”
Bolt then returned to a few of his favourite things, posting “selected” reports of crimes – a “crimewave” no less, where the f**k is J. Edgar Hoover and Elliot Ness when a white man needs them – committed by blacks, immigrants, refugees, the “usual suspects”, before turning his attention to what he felt was the ABC’s bukkake-style “sliming” of God’s Banker, Cardinal George Pell, of whom it was alleged, on July 27th’s “7.30 Report”, used to enjoy hanging out with boys in shower blocks with his cock out.
With a display of journalistic rigour for fact-checking that only the late Paul Sheehan of Fairfax (late to journalism that is, not that he ever appeared alive to it), Bolt conveniently forgot to mention that the allegations had been under investigation by the Victorian Police for the best part of a year, very much a “live” investigation initiated by multiple sources and complainants which the ABC had, in that quaint tradition of news programs reporting “news” with actual “news” in it, decided to … well, do some newsy reporty things with the story.
There may be, perhaps, a case to be argued that Andrew Bolt is the very model of genteel, rational and considered, fact and logic based reportage and commentary, a civilised man given to deep and complex, carefully thought-out opinions and fine taste, but I suspect it would be an argument only Andrew Bolt would make, perhaps with a little help from his friends Gerard Henderson, who executive-directs a living room in a terrace house and calls it an Institute, or that fluffy-haired twat who edits The Spectator Australia, a newspaper that does not appear to contain any actual “news”.
Meanwhile, in other actual “news” (with actual “news” in it) the Royal Commission into the abuse of children in detention within the NT justice system announced in the wake of the “Four Corners” program by Prime Miniature Malcolm Turnbull will be headed up by “Brian Martin, the former NT Supreme Court Chief Justice, [who] achieved infamy among Aboriginal communities in April 2010 when he described five white youths who bashed an Aboriginal man to death in a racially charged drunken rampage as “of otherwise good character”.
Martin sounds just the type of man suited to lend his finely honed sense of justice to this matter, and perhaps the subsequent matter reported earlier today of a 13 year-year old indigenous girl with a severe medical condition being “detained” within an all-male adult prison where she cries all the time in fear of “something” being done to her by an adult male prisoner.
Admittedly, this sounds like just the type of story in need of a little “context, “context” best done calmly during a pleasant chat over a cup of Milo and some Jatz and cheese and perhaps, just perhaps, if we were to ask him nicely enough, our Andrew might concede to provide it.
Although now may not be the best time to ask, as he currently appears a little consumed by outrage over some barbaric wag daring to paint a portrait of Cardinal George Pell with a penis for nose and that bloody awful ABC has done gone and did a newsy reporty thingamajig on it.
One thing’s for sure (unless of course you’re Andy Bolt), there’s never been a more exciting time in Australia to throw up in your mouth a little.
Or a lot.
Ross Sharp is a regular contributor to The AIMN and blogs on his own site: Smelly Tongues