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Dear Tony: It’s not us. It’s you.

Dear Tony

It’s over. We’re done. You need to pack up your stuff and leave.

It’s not us – it’s you.

I’d like to say it’s been fun – but it hasn’t has it? It’s been incredibly painful.

We tried giving you hints – but you don’t listen do you? You’ve never listened – not to anyone but yourself.

This can’t be a surprise. Surely even someone as narcissistic as you must realise that you can’t keep lying to everyone and get away with it. And for the record – repeating something over and over again doesn’t make it true, no matter how much you think it does.

And get some new things to talk about will you? Nobody wants to hear the same old stories over and over again – how you think you’ve stopped the boats – when you haven’t. Or how you scrapped the mining and carbon taxes for your good buddies – the Mining and Resources companies – and made us pay for it.

I wish we could say that we’d like to stay friends, but well – you’re an embarrassment. You’re a laughing stock around the world. And that’s not people laughing with you – they’re laughing at you and your coal fetish. (Seriously – who loves coal?)

The only countries that don’t find you funny are our Pacific Island neighbours. They don’t find you or Peter Dutton funny at all.

I could keep going – but instead I found us the perfect break-up song. It was written by Lily Allen when the American people said good-bye to George W. Bush.

So in the words of Lily Allen, Tony:

F* you. F* you very very much….Please don’t stay in touch.

In fact, why don’t you get on one of those little orange boats you’re so proud of – we’ll even throw in a Border Force plush toy – and head back to the UK where you came from? I think you’ll find they love people arriving in boats nearly as much as you do. And I’m sure Prince Phillip will be keen to celebrate his knighthood from earlier this year with you.

Goodbye – and don’t let the door hit you on the way out…


The Australian People

P.S. Feel free to take any of your good buddies with you.

This article was first published on ProgressiveConversation.


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  1. jim

    HA HA HAA love it this song will be blaring from my cars speakers to-morrow F#%$k you Rabbitt ha ha haa love it.

  2. Blinkyewok

    Good riddance

  3. Garth

    Hurrah!! Well said but I have this nauseating feeling we just saw the sign of a second term of these neoliberal knobs but what the heck, at least chimp ears is gone. And in the grand scheme of things, that has to be a plus. My god, I despise that man! (using ‘man’ in the loosest possible way)

  4. Kate M

    It’s perfect isn’t it. Been waiting a long time to be able to play this one about Abbott…

  5. Garth

    Watching the ABC coverage of this wonderful moment but by God, Chris Uhlmann is a complete wanker. Didn’t see it completely till now but his pathetic effort trying to sum up chimp ears ‘achievements’ , he sounded like a sycophant!

  6. Matters Not

    Hate to rain on the ‘tea party’ but the demise of Abbott et al while welcomed by the intellectual ‘masturbators’ is not a cause for ‘glee’ or ‘hope’.

    Turnbull is just the ‘new face’ of a different ‘common sense’.

    I now have a deeper insight as to why people, including contributors on this site, vote as they do.

    No depth. No philosophical position.

    We are our worst enemy. But I suspect we don’t recognise same.

  7. crypt0

    Good riddance, indeed !
    Did I hear someone say that the bookies now have the LNP at odds on to win the next election?
    Time for bill Shorten to stand up and show us what he stands for.

  8. PC

    The LNP Titanic has smashed into the iceberg and the scoundrels responsible have thrown their mad Captain overboard far too late to save themselves and are now fleeing towards the too few life-boats.

  9. crypt0

    Yes Matters not …
    I fear it will be a classic case of “same horse, different jockey”
    Will the Australian voters get sucked in?

  10. Kate M

    MN – we certainly aren’t out of the frying pan yet. Or is it the fire? Only time will tell.

    But any day that Abbott is voted out of Prime Ministership is a good day.

    We’ll fight tomorrow’s battles tomorrow.

  11. PC

    Apparently Canberra gossip and electronic graffiti can rip your nuts off.

  12. Kate M

    PC 🙂

  13. matters Not

    But any day that Abbott is voted out of Prime Ministership is a good day.

    Bullshit! It’s all about who voted Abbott out and why. But then again the definition of your ‘good’ day and mine are probably somewhat ‘apart’

    Just listening to Turnbull.

    What has changed? Certainly not his emission reduction commitments?

    Yes the pig has new lipstick and there will be a bounce in the polls and yes Abbott was humiliated but the underlying direction remains unchanged.

    Not wanting to rain on your ‘tea party’.

    But I’m like that, Nothing personal intended, that’s why I don’t personally identify.

  14. PC

    If Abbott had survived tonight, the LNP will have been decimated at the next election. Turnbull replacing the human skid-mark means most likely the extreme Right of the LNP will be prepared to pull their Temple down upon themselves to get rid of our Believe-In-Nothing New PM. This is truly a win-win for Australia.

  15. Kate M

    MN – I do see your perspective – and don’t worry, no rain could disturb my tea party right now 🙂

    I promise to return to a more serious critique of our future under a Turnbull PMship tomorrow. Or maybe Wednesday.

  16. PC

    Where’s Wally? Where is Former PM Mr You-Bet-You-Are-You-Bet-I-Am? I miss Fluck-Face already.

  17. Kate M

    PC – apparently it is past his bed time, and he won’t be appearing until tomorrow. I’m sure he would appreciate your good wishes!

  18. PC

    Has some one checked the back seat of his bomb-proofed BMW?

  19. Matters Not

    Just listening to Steve Ciobo. I suspect he’s desperate and dateless at this point and is ‘touting’ for a job.

    Is his ‘arse’ on sale as well? If not then why not?

    Get on ABC 24 for an interesting discussion.

    Laura Tingle being a well known ‘leftie’ working for the ‘bosses bible’ otherwise known as the Australian Financial Review.

  20. Kate M

    An article in The Shovel – a truly reputable news source – suggests that Abbott has been seen standing at the edge of Lake Burley Griffin challenging passers by to a boat stopping competition…..

  21. Jexpat

    And… here comes the full court press from the Fairfax fakirs masquerading as “journalists.”

    Oh Malcolm, he’s soo… dreamy.

    As predictable as it is pathetic.

  22. PC

    I’m in a mood for a cigar. The same brand Staple-Guts smokes. I’m a sucker for the latest fashion.

  23. Michael Taylor

    Neil will be here tomorrow to tell us what a great job Turnbull’s doing and how bad Labor were in government.

    BTW, he went ballistic when Labor dumped a leader mid term. Wonder how he feels about the Libs dumping such a wonderful, marvellous, brilliant, outstanding, successful leader like Abbott.

  24. PC

    The LNP are now just a massive joke. What happened tonight, exposes them as UTTER hypocrites. If this country can’t see it from this point on-wards, then this country is lost for many generations.

  25. Matters Not

    Anyone feel sorry for Peta?

    You know, express an emotion that, to date at least, has been beyond her?

    As for Warren Truss, will he fall on his sword as well? Barnaby?

    The composition of the new Cabinet will be very interesting.

    How will Handy Andy respond?

  26. PC

    The Canning by-election may turn out to be the “canary in the cave” when it comes to a measure of the gullibility of the Australian electorate. God help us all, figuratively speaking.

  27. Jexpat

    PC: the “journalists” don’t care- they’re out only to save and promote their own hides, as one ABC guy who “just moved his family to Canberra and bought a new house” actually said around 7:00ish during the run up commentary to the vote.

    People like this don’t care about anything but their own sorrry selves- and like their American counterparts, will say anything that they think their owners want to hear- and will avoid even the most obvious of criticism- especially if it has the potential to stick.

    So, don’t expect any line about “hypocrisy” or much less something requiring a modicum of honesty or factual analysis or numeracy to run very long in any print media or on radio or TV.

    Malcolm is national unity and anyone who says otherwise is disloyal.

  28. PC

    I hear your concerns, Jexpat. I just have a hunch, and it’s just a hunch, that Australians are just smart enough to see through all the bullshit. We’re stuffed if they’re not.

  29. PC

    I want to add that my hunch is based on the results from the recent Victorian and Queensland State elections. The NSW electorate apparently are okay with LNP corruption. Idiots. That’s why I say my feelings are a hunch. Who really knows how messed-up this country is capable of being.

  30. PC

    Look at the end of the day, as long as that decrepit old man Murdoch goes to bed very disgruntled knowing we are just four days out from a by-election then we should all be happy tonight.

  31. Jexpat


    I don’t like doing plugs, but the front page of the SMH, with chief middle school LNP cheerleader Peter Harcher, front and center editorialising gushing in mancrush- says it all.

    And, over at the Guardian, Daniel Hurst can’t even be bothered to check facts on the record about the past two years media poll results.

    That said, I hope you’re right, PC -and I think we can be pleased in a small picture way that theindubitable Bob Ellis has lived to see this day.

    I look forward to his upcoming musings on point.

  32. PC

    Tony Abbott has officially served less time as PM than Harold Holt.


  33. Jexpat

    Don’t cry for me… Australia:

    Despite never residing in the lodge, Tony Abbott is set to go off into the sunset with an annual pension of $307,542 per year.

    If he wants, he can take half of it as a lump sum of $1.53 million and take the rest as an annual pension worth $153,771.

  34. gangey1959

    So dumbarse is finally gone. Thank god. Or whoever.
    @ PC. He drowned in a pool of his own bile and bullshit.
    May he rot in hell forever. Minus his extra pension. Ha Ha Ha Ha.
    Who knows what, if anything is going to change, especially in the immediate and short term.
    At least Australia will once again have Prime Minister who can speak in more than 3 word bullshit phrases, and who doesn’t consider ‘um’ and ‘ah’ and ‘er’ to be conjunctions.
    I guess margie and the girls are in for a rugged night. Sux to be them I guess.
    I just hope the good and sensible folk of Canning are not fooled, and that hastie gets his arse kicked too.
    Even if he does get elected.
    Good night all.
    Thank you AIMN.

    BTW. @ ‘Neil of Sydney’, who I still think is ta’s alter ego on here.
    When you get your temper back under control in the morning and decide to unload another pile of your own crap.
    “Bite Me”

  35. mars08

    The end of an Error?

  36. Kate M

    Nice morning pun Mars 🙂

  37. Terry2

    ‘No More Slogans ‘

  38. Kaye Lee

    I have this kind of post exam malaise…you know, when you feel like you should be doing something but your mind is a blank

  39. Kate M

    Morning Kaye – yep 🙂

    Terry – 😉

  40. Möbius Ecko

    “You’ve never listened – not to anyone but yourself.”

    Not true. He listened to:

    Big (vested interest) Business

    It’s who he didn’t listen to that defines his failure as both a political leader and a human being. On the latter I think he will ever learn.

  41. Kate M

    Good point Mobius

  42. Terry2

    We need an ambassador to Nauru !

  43. gangey1959

    @ Mobius. He was never a human. Never was, never will be.

  44. David

    12 hrs have passed since um and ah disappeared from the nations vocabulary, TV screens, radio and internet. The air seems fresher but I do not for a second believe we have seen the Abbott influence dispatched into political history.
    I confess I was amazed he seemed to go quietly last night, not a word to the waiting media vultures, just a blank stare tossed their way as his entourage, his loyal comrades, marched him away….but what next?

    Many of the loyalists will be keen to retaliate, Hockey is not a happy vegemite, a keen leaker his talent will be useful. I see a week or so of quiet regrouping and retribution will be served as only Abbott knows how. Dirty, personal, low blows, toxic is an expert and he will have an enthusiastic group prepared to assist their fallen warrior in any way he deems best.

    Abbott will have accumulated many files over the last 2 years and those who brought him down will figure prominently in the collection and their contents leaking.

    For me last night was only the first half, the main feature has yet to be screened. It could be a blockbuster.

    PS Will Turnbull arrange for the member for Warringah to be seated along side the member for Mackellar on the backbench? Aye that would be the rub

  45. David

    House of Reps live now, Burke on the attack but silenced by the Govt, division

  46. David

    Tony Burke attempted to move the very same motion Abbott moved in July 2013 when Leader of the Opposition, calling on the Govt to end the disunity and Govern. Too much for the Libturds, moved Burke no longer be heard

  47. jimhaz

    [Tony may be giving a press conference in about half an hour]

    Peta’s still putting on the bandaids for his injured knuckles.

  48. Ian Brannigan

    And I certainly hope I never have to hear the phrase “Captains Call” ever again …. Take that I’m holier than thou attitude and stick it where the sun doesn’t shine ? goodbye n good riddance…

  49. Terry2

    I saw Tone’s valedictory press conference and was quite intrigued on his lament about media leaking from those who were not prepared to put their names to those leaks. I had assumed that the constant leaks to News Corp papers, in particular those to the Daily Telegraph, were scripted in the PM’s own office.

    Am I missing something here ?

  50. Jexpat


    It was painfully obvious that Abbott didn’t write that speech, and in any event, did you really expect honesty from the man (or his speechwriter)?

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