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Day to Day Politics: Joyce, Mission accomplished.

Wednesday 28 February 2018

For those with a creative mind like mine it would not be hard to create a vision of a plot by the Liberal Party to dispense of the leader of National Party. After all, he sucked a lot of media attention from the Fourth Estate and in so doing often contradicted the Prime Minister. The average punter thinks he has far too much say and far too much power.

It must have been a constant cause of frustration hearing the junior member of the coalition acting like he was the Prime Minister. Ask yourself, if you wanted to be rid of the problem, how would you go about it? You weigh up the possibilities.

You know that whoever replaces him with will be less flamboyant in manner and speech than Barnaby, meaning that more attention will be placed on you. This is what you want, after all you are more persuasive than the buffoon from New England.

In addition, you know that Barnaby’s replacement is likely to be more compliant. Well, except that if it’s McCormack who we know is a Climate Change denier then we are in a bit of trouble on that front. We will just have to take a punt on it.

You know that the deputy is having an affair but you put it on ice. After all, we need him to win his by-election in New England before you set the plan into action. We need to hold onto the numbers.

If it can be made to work McCormack will be no match for the sagacious intellect of Turnbull, plus it will put the Nats back in their rightful place. The bloody country party have been acting as though they have been running the show for far too long. The by-election goes as planned and the band has reformed. It worked a treat. From here on we must make sure that he doesn’t get a hint of the conspiracy otherwise he is likely to chuck the worst wobbly ever,

Phase two. We leak the news of Barnaby’s affair with child on the way. Turnbull with incredible public indignation and dexterity plays the morally concerned father of the nation with impeccable timing and elasticity.

It’s taking too long. The bastard won’t go so we pull the WA card and accuse the prick of sexual harassment. That does it … Joyce takes the bait. He has had enough and resigns.

When the timing is right we can work on reworking the agreement. Should never have agreed to so much. Let’s hope McCormack agrees to our demands. We can soften up Joyce by dropping the order to investigate him for code of conduct breaches. That would certainly have cost him.

Mission accomplished. It was more simple than we imagined.

My thought for the day

“When a political party deliberately withholds information that the voter needs to make an informed, balanced and reasoned assessment of how it is being governed. It is lying by omission. It is also tantamount to the manipulation of our democracy.”

PS. In all seriousness, the dropping of the enquiry by the Prime Minister’s department into the expense claims while Barnaby Joyce was with Vikki Campion is an insult to the Australian people, and the transparency that our democracy should command.


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  1. Wam

    Dear Lord John,
    Sadly, I am not creative but, like many forty-oners, I am suspicious, cynical and vindictive.

    The precedents are gillard and the rabbott who became victims of the media pumping public opinion.(hawke??)

    Not so sure about your thoughting, lord john, but your ‘serious’ is puzzling.

    The audit is still on and only the mininster bit has gone because he is not a minister. Any petard??

    I am with you on the power of the libs to shut the media down during the by-election. That was very impressive. (Wonder if there was a quid pro quo but?)

  2. Terry2

    Yes Minister was in full flight at Senate Estimates yesterday.

    In 2013 the Immigration Department asked ASIO to delay security checks for asylum seekers who arrived by boat, so they would miss the deadline for permanent protection.

    There is no doubt that these asylum seekers security checks were put at the bottom of the pile at the minister’s request but the response from the ASIO head is instructive, when asked specifically if ASIO did delay the processing :

    “You’re asserting they’ve been slowed down, I’m saying that they were at a lower priority,” Mr Lewis told the committee.

    So, work your way through that one, they were not slowed down or delayed they were given a lower priority.

    In the now memorable words of Kaye Lee : these people give me a headache !

  3. Graeme Henchel

    I don’t think this government is clever enough to engineer the demise of the beetrooter. No it was all just par for the course, just another episode in a comedy of errors. When you look over the past 5 years of this farcical government they have been atrocious, inept and mendacious from the get go.

    Though there is are forces in the parliament, in the business community and the media that try to manipulate what will unfold, they inevitably stuff it up.

    If the beetrooter’s exploits had been revealed prior to the by election he would still have been elected and his rooting and rorting would have just carried on. The deceit and the media’s compliance has now done Joyce in and further tarnished the mainstream media’s already rock bottom reputation. Like the much vaunted Turnbull comeback in January the media is pissing in their own pockets.

    What we will see is just more episodes of this train wreck, what will it be next?
    I’m running out of popcorn.

  4. Phil

    There is but one certainty in politics and that is that appearances will always be deceptive and the truth lies beneath layers of guile. This is standard operating procedure – the theatrical face of politics presented to enliven the myth of democracy. It is also why so many voters are deeply cynical about their political ‘representatives’ who are in truth and in practice, ham actors in the theatre of the absurd known as parliament.

  5. Bob Yates

    John (Lord), love your work and am an avid daily reader, but please, to make what you’re getting at clearer, it’s ‘too’, not ‘to’.

  6. Margret Ettridge

    John Lord please get someone who can spell to proof read your article and learn the difference between to and too! 4 errors not good enough. Otherwise great article.

  7. metadatalata

    If the investigation into Joyce’s travel and expense rorting and the business of hiring his lover into a bogus job in various government party offices was to proceed, there would be a strong likelihood that either Fizza or Matt Canavan would be found guilty of fraud and one or both of them would also have to resign. So of course the affair will be covered up by Murdoch and the Liebral party. Law makers run our country and they are
    immune from the rules they create for the rest of us.

    I to prefer to have the grammatical errors corrected in the otherwise excellent piece. (remove this when fixed!)

  8. James Ellis

    “Ham actors in the theatre of the absurd” so aptly describes these arrogant faux leaders of our nation. In most cases their only real skills are in their abilities to stick to the script and adlib between the rehearsed lines.
    Unfortunately it appears that 46% of Australians are not politically aware enough to know who writes that script.

  9. Roswell

    I’ve fixed them.

  10. Wun Farlung

    If you make any errors of grammar in the future, you will be in the naughty corner with Abbott and Joyce doing laps of the rosary beads
    If that doesn’t work,nothing will

  11. diannaart

    I am sure John Lord can distinguish between ‘to’ and ‘too’ – it is a very simple typo to make and miss and cannot be picked up by spell-check.

    Now, on understanding of and use of words… not John Lord’s problem at all, but some people … no excuse in the age of immediate information.

    Do I have something to say on topic?

    Glad I asked. I deplore the behaviour of Joyce which is, unfortunately, representative of the current crop of parasites claiming to be leading Australia.

    I am in agreement with Graeme Henchel:

    “If the beetrooter’s exploits had been revealed prior to the by election he would still have been elected and his rooting and rorting would have just carried on. “

    The overreaction by both the Libs and Nats attempting to cover up prior to an election, that was certainly to return Joyce, has instead, led to the resignation of Joyce to the back bench. I would think with all the practice, our leaders would be expert liars by now and use truth more selectively. We could’ve been spared the weeks of salacious speculation.

    It is unlikely Joyce will be held to account for his serious breach of trust to the public, through his rorting and manipulation, which remains largely ignored by the MSM and only generating discussion in the 5th estate. Praise be to AIMN.

  12. Frank Smith

    John, whilst our attention has been focused on the Barnaby saga, the real action in recent weeks has taken place in the small Upper Hunter coal mining town of Kurri Kurri just a few miles south of Barnaby’s free bolthole in Armidale. Kurri Kurri has hosted the inaugural Mulletfest to find the world’s best Mullet – a man’s hair style either loved or loathed by Ocker Aussies. Townlife reports:

    ‘Shane “Shagger” Hanrahan of Denman, who has been growing his mullet since 1986, is awarded best mullet by crowd ovation, and delivers a Churchillian address after sculling Jim Beam from his trophy.

    “I dunno what to say, I’m effin’ pissed,” he tells the crowd. “Rock on! Screw you! Screw youse all!”’

    Now, since Section 44 of the Constitution suggests that I may be entitled to US citizenship by marriage, I keep close ties with contacts in Washington. Those contacts have confirmed that The Donald was a contestant in Mulletfest at Kurri Kurri. Apparently Turnbull actually met a Fake Donald in Washington whilst the Real Donald was in Kurri Kurri showing off his grand orange mane. It seems that Donald was absolutely incensed by the indignity of his magnificent orange-gold locks not being awarded the Mulletfest trophy. Chief of Staff, General Kelly reports that the Pussy-Grabber-In-Chief is so upset by his loss to the Shagger that he has been fuming in the Oval Office all week, has chewed 50 cm off his red tie and has ordered General Mattis to nuke the Hunter Valley for their lack of respect for a perfectly groomed dense orange-gold mane. Kelly said that the situation in the White House is very tense. The Donald has ordered his chattel, Prime Minister Trumbles, to arm all Australian school teachers with M16’s to ensure that no youth will ever grow their hair longer than the Pussy-Grabber’s own glorious golden locks. Apparently Melania has been ordered back to her quarters where she is to remove her 5 inch gold snake skin heels so as to never appear as tall as The Great One again. Kelly says that Donald was last seen gathering up his “Macca with Fries and Coke” Dinner as he unlocked the door of his separate bedroom whilst continuously yelling Shagger Hanrahan’s victory celebration – “Rock on! Screw you! Screw youse all!”

    Best of luck with that Donald!!

  13. Joseph Carli

    ” If the beetrooter’s exploits had been revealed prior to the by election he would still have been elected and his rooting and rorting would have just carried on…”

    Disagree entirely…Such “exploits” would have opened a whole can of worms that would have fermented WITHIN the local communities and the moral / deserving argument would have been brought to the front of the voters minds. As we still see with the refugee discussions even on this site, the moral argument of whether they are “deserving ” or not is prevalent in many minds..and the greater Aust’ populace hangs it’s hat every time on THAT particular issue.

    I would say that given the rise and vociferous voices of anger in the “Me Too” movement and the general women’s population as a mass, the sexual liaisons of Joyce could and would be raised to fever pitch in an election climate.

  14. Shogan

    Great fiction John, it could make for a good show in Utopia, but I agree with Graeme as I don’t think this government is clever enough to engineer the demise of the beetrooter either as they’re only capable of looking back instead of forward & that is why almost every time they’re announcing something of defending something they always end up trying to put the blame Labor & Bill Shorten.

  15. Grammerian Jones

    @ diannaart “rorting and manipulation, which remains largely ignored by the MSM”.
    That is the major flaw in this hole debate. When are the majority of voters going to get it?

    The press would have us all believe issues such ass water theft and using insider information to buy up gas rich land are fake knews and there’s nothing to see here, move along. With a few exceptions, the level of journalistic research in this country is in the toilet. We see this in print and television two.

  16. Ricardo29

    JL, like some of the commenters I find the idea that Trumbles could actually engineer this result a bit hard to credit. But I am interested in Sharri Markson’s role in all this. I would contend she has failed as a journalist. If, as she claims, she knew about the affair in advance of the election but didn’t write it, she fails “news sense” and then if, as claimed, thought it would be a two day wonder, fails again on news sense for not recognising there was a can of worms being opened sufficient for fishing expeditions a long time into the future.
    On spelling and grammar one can’t rely on spellcheck. One needs to re-read before hitting the send button

  17. johno

    JL, feasible and plausible are two words that come to mind.

  18. diannaart

    Frank Smith

    Donnie’s mullet not good enough for the Grand Mullet Fest at Kurri Kurri?

    Everything makes sense, the ever present and simmering anger tied in with the most personal of losses at odds with his entitlement as the POTUS&E*

    *E: Everyf#ckingthing!

    On proof reading one’s own material – not the most accurate method. A writer can reread the same mistake without noticing mistakes which is why having another to proof read is always the best, but not always available.

  19. Glenn Barry

    Whilst there is a multiplying of the masses of malfeasances of the mistrusted maladministration of mendacious Malcolm, meticulous, masterful management and manipulation of the mainstream media is missing amongst them.
    Markson meaningfully managed by Murdoch methinks…

  20. Kaye Lee

    If anyone else would care to ring Michaelia Cash’s office to express your outrage at her performance at Senate estimates this morning, her number is (02) 6277 7320

    This screeching harpy said “If you want to start discussing staff matters, be very, very careful. Because I am happy to sit here and name every young woman in Mr Shorten’s office over which rumours in this place abound. If you want to go down that path today, I will do it.”

    How dare she make threats like that. She disgusts me.

  21. Roswell

    Thanks for the link, Frank. I hadn’t seen that before.

    I must say that is absolutely appalling and well below the expectations of behaviour expected of a person in her position. And in a Senate Estimates!


  22. helvityni

    John Lord writes five, six or sometimes even seven articles a week, yet some petty pedantic people here take an issue with him about a typo, how terrible, he has typed ‘to’ instead of ‘too’

    Missing one ‘o’ is peanuts compared to a lack of civility…

  23. Freethinker

    No wonder helvityni that not many read or reply to my posts.
    Spanglish it is too difficult for some.
    Just joking……..

  24. helvityni

    Freethinker, I love Spanglish, and one missing ‘o ‘ is least of my worries, lack of empathy and eagerness to humiliate are bigger short-comings….(at least in my books).

  25. diannaart

    @Glenn Barry

    Magnifique, mon ami.

    I do believe, thanks to his maladroitness, Malcolm has brought on “bonking wars” as a result of his patriarchal decree – which will surpass “dual citizen wars” by many magnitudes of viciousness and probably will continue until at least the federal election.

    Strap yourselves in folks.

  26. Freethinker

    This quote in the news cracking me up!!: Quote:
    As a minister in the former government, Mr Shorten was the subject of rumours spread by the Coalition that he had had an affair with a staffer called Shannon who became pregnant. The rumours persisted even though Shannon was male.”
    End of quote

  27. diannaart


    … it’s a miracle…

  28. Kronomex

    Glenn Barry @2.13 PM, it’s sounds like you just finished watching V for Vendetta and had an attack of V’itis.


    The photo of Cash in The Guardian and all I saw was vicious (yes, I’ll say it) bitch having a massive tantrum. Sickening disgrace.

  29. Kaye Lee


    Tony Abbott, speaking to 2GB, said he has “not the foggiest idea” what Michaelia Cash was talking about and can only assume “the minister had a brain snap”.

    “There has been so much cheap smear and it must end. It is bad when it comes from the Labor party, it is bad when it comes from the Liberal party, and it is particularly bad when it comes from a minister of the crown.

    “… I have no idea what was going through her mind at the time … I gathered she has apologised and she certainly should.”

    Let that sink in for a moment. Tony Abbott just had the most appropriate reaction from anyone we have heard from in the government today on this.

    Maybe because he is no longer the worst former minister for women this country has ever seen.

  30. johnlord2013

    Dianaart So very true.

  31. Freethinker

    Unfortunately Tony’s opinion does not has much weight, I would like to see the same comment by Turnbull

  32. Mark Needham

    Regarding cash and her comment on Mr Shortons office, why didn’t he, cameron, pursue the question.
    There’s smoke, there is no fire.

    Mark Needham

  33. Roswell

    And what will Malcolm do? Slap down Abbott for his appropriate comment, or slap down Cash for her “brain snap”?

    My money’s on Abbott, should Turnbull do anything.

  34. Freethinker

    Roswell February 28, 2018 at 5:25 pm
    And what will Malcolm do? Slap down Abbott for his appropriate comment, or slap down Cash for her “brain snap”?

    My money’s on Abbott, should Turnbull do anything.

    I agree with you as well, the only hope is if Lucy say something tonight to Malcolm.

  35. Roswell

    Mark Needham, why didn’t Cameron pursue it? Simple answer: it had nothing to do with the Senate Committee. They may as well have talked about the best fishing spots on the east coast.

    Cash acted inappropriately. Why give her any legitimacy?

  36. Roswell

    Freethinker, it’s an interesting thought. Does Malcolm take his orders from Lucy?

  37. diannaart


    So Tony Abbott slapped down (metaphorically) a woman on HIS own team… for good reason. Does Tony have form pulling up members of his own side?? I try to not think about TA too frequently and maybe I have forgotten.

    Cash was her usual hysterical self and on a scale of apologies, was her usual mealy-mouthed self.

    Will Turnbull say anything to anyone on his team? Doubtful. He will start off sounding like he’s having a stern word but will somehow turn it into an attack on Shorten and then remind us how wonderful ministers it is cannot bonk their own staff (other people’s staff being fair game).

  38. Roswell

    Ah yes, I forgot about that, Freethinker.

  39. Kaye Lee

    Julie Bishop has claimed $32,000 in taxpayer-funded family travel for her long-term boyfriend but says she is not obliged to disclose his financial interests on the parliamentary register because he is not her “spouse” or de facto partner.

    Ms Bishop nominated him as her designated family member in 2015 which entitles him to free domestic airfares and Comcar rides under the allowance granted to MPs for family reunification.

    When will these people realise that this is not just some party for their benefit, some lolly store where they can take what they want?

  40. Mark Needham

    Roswell, prior to the “Brain fade” Cameron was pursuing a line of questioning.
    Then the “Brain Fade” happened.
    Cameron stopped his line….Why…?

    Can believe some,
    But not others,
    Mark Needham

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