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Comparing Recipes On ScoMo’s Army Curry VS Rossleigh’s Coalition Combo

Ok, in case you missed it this is compulsory viewing for anyone who still thinks that Tony Abbott was the most out of touch PM we’ve ever had:

Of course, it’s not the army that needs this analogy. Morrison would be better off explaining to his own MPs the recipe that’s been plaguing them lately.

ROSSLEIGH’S RECIPE FOR DISASTER 

  1. You start with your oil-ection.
  2. After your oil-election you select your front bench, adding your quota of National Party ministers and a couple of women to break up the ties in the photo a bit.
  3. When you’ve got it nicely simmering and you’ve make sure that you have enough nuts in the mix, you carefully insist that you have the recipe for jobs and growth but that today you’re actually making a curry.
  4. You then take the energy prices and announce that you have a special knife for cutting them. After gesturing in the general direction of said tool, you carefully put the energy prices to one side.
  5. After announcing that Turnbull is an important ingredient for the dish, you wait a few moments then move him over to the side with the energy prices.
  6. You respond to any suggestion that there are too many nuts in the mix, by telling people that in the good old days, there were twice the number and that was when everything was perfect and we didn’t have Labor chefs messing things up.
  7. When you discover that there is a Phelps in the mix, you immediately want to know where the Turnbull went because he was supposed to be there to prevent that happening.
  8. This is the most difficult part of the recipe. You take a couple of volatile backbenchers and make them “special” envoys. If you don’t handle them carefully, they’ll make a lot of noise and this will have the effect of causing the nervous marginals in the souffle to collapse and spread everywhere. 
  9. Assuming you have added the volatiles safely, you can then reassure everyone that the Phelps won’t make that much of a difference because she’ll only be there for a short and you’ll remove her as soon as it’s possible to do so.
  10. You agree to add almost anything that Bill Shorten suggests, before telling everyone that this would just ruin the recipe. You then chuck in a few stale bits and pieces lent to you from a Fish and Chip shop owner in Queensland. 
  11. You say, “Fair go” and “Fair dinkum” a lot. You complain that Labor is not allowed to talk about fairness because it’s class warfare.  
  12. You add more oil. Then more oil. Then coal. Lots and lots of coal.
  13. You stir frantically.
  14. You tell everyone that the dish is just about perfect now.
  15. You repeat it’s a real achievement.
  16. You announce that it won’t be completely ready to eat until after the election.
  17. You then take the nervous marginal MPs and feed them to the wolves. 

Yes, it seems that I have the necessary skill set to be Prime Minister…

Maybe not enough skills to be a chef, but leader of the country, no worries!

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14 comments

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  1. David Bruce

    I am glad you were talking about food today!

    Over the past few years I have observed that our cities are more high-rise than before.

    Is this so the population can be moved to the holding pens for fattening up?

    With Uber Eats advertising and various home delivery meals, I am not surprised to see so many people of generous proportions!

    4×4 has a new meaning now, as one 4×4 could feed a family of 4 for 4 weeks, trimmed, dressed and frozen.

    When the climate change evolves to the new Ice Age and so many movies promoting cannibal acts, perhaps this was the plan all along?

    Just an observation…

  2. helvityni

    Yes, he says ‘ fair go’ and ‘fair dinkum’ a lot , but he never says ‘fair crack of the whip’ , he only whips ‘the down and outs’, ‘the have nots’. the poor, the homeless, the old, the sick, the disabled, the blacks and the browns….etc. etc.

    Oops of course Labor also gets a whipping when they says something ( anything), but also when they stay quiet….

  3. Anna Margaret

    Unfortunately, contamination happens when all the chefs train in the same disreputable culinary schools and spoilage results when they all purchase their ingredients from the same tainted suppliers.
    Labor talk of a fair go too – good common touch that.
    Nothing fair about Adani risking 70,000 Qld tourism jobs though. Nothing fair about giving Adani the opportunity to take us to ISDS after Labor hurriedly signed the TPP facilitating just that. Nothing fair about Labor equally hurriedly signing off on the encryption bill which will likely affect the ever-dwindling number of decent journalists who might try to uncover previous pollie’s mischief making. Nothing fair about Labor refusing to make their decision clear re where they stand on ‘Adani being given free rein to trash and rob this beautiful country’ before voters go to the polls.
    Despite the recipe book clearly stating ‘Labor cannot know the answer yet’ – it is quite clear this is a printing error. It’s not absolutely the same as lying to win votes then reneging once elected – but it’s not sufficiently different either; because with all the soured ingredients already in the Adani mix, with Adani already lying about water risks, already not paying contractors, already being granted permissions to foul where permissions would never have been given in a clean kitchen, already fouling and not owning up for twelve long months… even an unqualified chef can see how this recipe is going to turn out.
    And moving on to dessert – there’s the appallingly unfair and bitter recipe for Newstart recipients…
    It doesn’t really matter how many exceptional dishes Labor is planning to serve from this tired old kitchen (and their menu is, for the most part, pretty good) if the one really big thing they refuse to tackle realistically causes the kitchen, and likely the whole building the kitchen is in, to burn down. It appears the time has come to thoroughly clean the kitchen, especially of coal residue, and write a new more honest recipe book.

  4. Diannaart

    Excellent work, Anna

    Labor can save time, stress and, um, labour by skipping reviews for what is already known:

    1 Adani is a bad business partner.

    2 Unemployment benefit has not been increased in generations.

    3 Coal really is a 19th century fuel.

    4 Churches can teach their religion in, duh, churches, instead of public schools

    5 Education is for everyone, not just the wealthy.

    Ditto health, safe and secure housing, opportunities to thrive not just survive.

    And so much more which is self evident not requiring a review, thus enabling Labor to hit the ground running after it wins the 2019 election in a landslide.

  5. Kaye Lee

    Six drops of essence of Abbott, Five drops of Turnbull sauce,
    When the stirring’s done may Pete lick the spoon?
    Of course ha ha of course.
    Now for the tincture of God worship, But I must use only a touch,
    For without a touch of God worship, He might destroy me!
    Whoops too much.
    Better hold your breath it’s starting to tick:
    Better hold my hand I’m feeling sick –
    “G’day Australia!”
    (What have we done?)
    “I’m ScoMo, The Chosen One!”

  6. helvityni

    Good one, Kaye Lee…The Chosen One!

  7. Diannaart

    Kaye Lee

    In future, please warn people to stop eating before writing such recipes.

    🤢

  8. pierre wilkinson

    with apologies to the writers of Milton the monster, Kaye lee, though I am sure they would appreciate your lyrical license

  9. Max Gross

    What Pastor Promo seems to be trying to say is that the ADF gives him the shits

  10. Frank Smith

    Scotty and Gosh its Josh have added a big handfull of sweetener to the mix Rossleigh, with $9 billion dollars of vote buying sugar. Could it be too sweet for the electorate’s palate?

  11. Rossleigh

    The sugar is just dessert!
    The election may be just desserts!

  12. Kaye Lee

    Frank,

    I call them Scoff and Josh.

    Scoff: speak to someone or about something in a scornfully derisive or mocking way.
    Josh: tease (someone) in a playful way.

    I wish they would stop grinning/smirking all the time.

  13. Aoryis

    Just watched a précis of 2018 with Morrison standing up in Parliament berating the school kids for striking over climate change inaction” kids should not be involved in things that can be handled out of school.” Kids response was, ” but it’s not being handled, that’s why we are striking.” Out of the mouths.

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