Here’s the deal:
Everyone in Australia who’s working should put $2 into my bank account. I’ll receive several million dollars. And this’ll be good for the country because I’ll go out and spend it, creating jobs. It’s really a small price to pay for the amount of employment I’ll create.
Why give it to me? Well, because I’ll promise to spend it and that’ll lead to jobs. And growth.
I know some of you are still thinking this deal sounds a bit shonky, but then you’re probably the same people that don’t see the wisdom in the company tax cuts that Malcolm’s proposing. You see, it’s all about winners and losers.
Ok, I know that there’ll be winners and losers because Malcolm told us so. I’d just like to be one of the winners. Not because I’m greedy. No sir, not me. I only want the money so I can provide jobs for you all by dining out every night, upgrading my wardrobe and changing my car every two weeks. It’s really an act of altruism. Just like when companies provide jobs for us out of the goodness of their hearts.
Yes, yes, I know that some of you are suggesting that there’s nothing in it for you. But that’s short term thinking caused by twenty five years of growth. We need tax cuts for business – and the $2 for me – because after all that growth some of you need to make sacrifices so that the economy can continue to grow. In the long run, it’ll be good for our prosperity.
What was it that Keynes said? “In the long run, we’re all dead!” Or something like that…
Anyway, back to the most recent rationale for the company tax cuts. We need to do it because Donald Trump said that he was going to cut the company tax rate to fifteen percent and we have to follow his lead on this because we need to stay competitive. Mind you, he also said that he was going to introduce tariffs to protect US industries, but we don’t have to follow that, because, well, we don’t have to blindly follow everything he does. Just the things we wanted to do anyway.
Of course, Mr Trump hasn’t actually done anything yet, because he’s still only President-elect and has no real power to make any changes, so whether he keeps all his election promises remains to be seen. Unlike previous presidents, where a majority of people hoped that the incoming president would do what they promised, with this election people are reassuring themselves that he probably didn’t mean everything that he said and it was all just some cunning plan to get elected. Our own PM, Malcolm in The Muddle Turnbull implied as much in a recent interview from which I inferred he thought that it was ok to say anything in order to get elected unless you’re the Labor Party in which case the Federal Police should be brought in because of their shocking “Mediscare” campaign.
On a side note, there has been some speculation that President Trump may not honour the “deal” where we took those Central American refugees in exchange for the US taking most of those on Nauru and Manus, but I’d like to remind everyone that the Liberal Party assured us that we weren’t taking people as part of some deal; we’d just decided that the people in Central America had jumped to the front of the queue.
At least Mr Trump had time for a phone call from our beloved PM even if he didn’t have time to actually meet him. Most of you probably heard that it was thanks to Greg Norman that Malcolm was able to contact the future president because the government didn’t have his number. Yes, just let that sink in for a while!
Ah, interesting times…
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