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Coalition Election Strategy Revealed And The Answer Is A Camel!

Before I reveal the Liberal’s election strategy and slogan, I’d better explain about the camel.

From time to time, I do the Saturday quiz in “The Age” on my iPad and while I don’t always know the answer, sometimes I know I don’t know and other times I feel that I can have an educated guess. So, when the quiz asked me how long a rider had to stay on the bull in order to get a score, I guessed four seconds and I was rather keen to check to see if I were right.

However, when I tapped the answer I was rather surprised to discover that the answer was, in fact, “A camel”.

Yes, I quickly decided that someone had made a mistake and put in the wrong answer. Ok, this may make me sound like a Liberal politician when an expert gives an answer that they don’t like on a topic like climate change, but I’m pretty sure that the answer was not “A camel” if only because camels are not usually used as a measure of time.

Although I can picture Josh Frydenbeg trying to argue that it was, if Scottie had given that as an answer.

“Well, of course a camel is a measure of time in some places!”

How long is a camel?

“How long? It’s half two camels, and a quarter of four camels.”

On 7:30 last night, Josh tried valiantly to claim that the banking mess was Labor’s fault for not doing something when they were in office. When he was stopped from doing that by Leigh Sales, he switched to “I’m not looking to the past, I’m looking to the future” before launching into a recap of what they’d done in the past.

He then went on to tell us that while he agreed that boards and senior management had been very naughty in the past, it was up to boards and the shareholders to decide if “heads should roll” in the future. Mm, if Josh had been around at the time of the Fitzgerald inquiry into police corruption in Queensland, I guess he would have told us that it was ultimately up to Joh and Terry Lewis to decide what action should be taken.

Will ASIC be abolished and replaced due to its reluctance to litigate? Nah, we’ll just give a new head, and give them more powers and more resources and we’ll put in place someone to watch what the regulator is doing. I guess there’s a job for Amanda Vanstone or some retiring Liberal politician.

We were told that the Liberals inherited an economy where debt was rising, but they’ve turned that around. They inherited a debt of less than $300 billion which they’ve managed to double but apparently they’ve turned it around. They haven’t started paying anything back, but that’s not the issue. What is? Well, the answer to that is simple. It’s a camel.

Yes, the slogan for the Liberals in the coming election according to someone who knows won’t be “Have a go and get a go”. Neither wil it be “Trust us, we fixed the economy, we fixed the banks and now we’re going to fix you right up.” No, apparently, they’re going to try the stability line. This might seem rather surprising given their leadership changes and the number of ministers heading for the exits while there’s still time for them to be appointed to a government job, but they’re going to give it a try.

The slogan will be: “Stable hands for a stable economy”.

Mind you, this may have to change when they realise that stable hands are the ones who have to muck out the stalls and deal with shit all day!

While some past strategies have relied on a dog whistle to racists, or appeals to the hip pocket nerve, in this election campaign the Liberals will be targeting the gullible, believing that’s the place where they’re most likely to pick up votes.

In fact, it’s probably the only place they’ll pick up votes.

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  1. Kate Anearne

    Lovely! Thank you.

    A camel: Definition – A horse designed by a committee.

  2. New England Cocky

    Uhm … the correct answer is eight (8) seconds ….. about the same duration as a Liarbral Prim Monster.

    Poor little Joshie was hung out to dry by Morriscum “burning off” to Tasmania to inspect how nature causes damage (as preparation for the next Liarbral Notional$ misgovernment).

    The likely outcome of the Hayne Royal Commission is to disband APRA and other bank regulators and eliminate the now unnecessary funding for bank regulators as “a budget saving” because the bankers now recognise that they have been naughty boys, have owned up to their misdeeds, and promised not to do it again in the future.

    Meanwhile Joshie will follow former NSW LIarbral Premier Bruce Baird (he who sold the NSW Land Titles Office to a consortium of bankers) into a cosy multi-million banking sinecure for the rich & famous, proving that not only has he been a failure as a professional tennis player, but also as a politicians representing the Australian voters, and a Treasurer entrusted with guiding the Australian economy for the benefit of Australian citizens rather than multinational mining corporations.

    PS Camels are quite intelligent ….. unlike conservative politicians.

  3. John Boyd

    Great article, but Kate, that joke is very unfair to camels who are beautifully designed for their environment, and can outrun and out-survive a horse. BTW, I like horses too.

  4. Kate Ahearne

    You’re right, John. I really wouldn’t want to be a ‘camelist’. I’ll try to be more politically aware in future. Meanwhile, wonderful work from Rossleigh.

  5. Jon Chesterson

    Monty Python would have loved this… How many people will get screwed by the Liberals at the next election? 20 million? No the answer is a camel. It will be a very slow death like crossing the Nullarbor plain with a bottle full of camel spit…. Ewww!

    Climate change policy? Try camel.

    Adani and coal? Yes camel.

    Banks? Solution… camel.

    Refugee children? Ah yes, a camel, didn’t we do a good job, we got there in the end at the speed of an ant crossing the Nullarbor plain, we did our best to stop it, but what else can we say? Just camel.

  6. Kaye Lee

    I thought of the Monty Python skit from Holy Grail where the keeper of the bridge asks three questions. If you give the wrong answer you get catapulted off the bridge. It would be cheaper than an election.

    What is your name?

    Matt Canavan

    What is your quest?

    To become leader of the Nationals

    What is your favourite power source?


  7. Frank Smith

    Back in the days when tobacco was not a health hazard there were 20 in a pack of Camels. So I guess our Coalition “gummint” totals three packs of Camels – and they are just as dangerous to your health.

  8. Rossleigh

    Actually, I’ve noticed a big flaw. It’s when I speculate that Josh would tell us that a camel is a quarter of four camels…
    I suspect such numbers are beyond Frydenberg’s understand!

  9. whatever

    The slogan “Interest Rates will always be lower under a Liberal Government” is about to be demolished as the Banksters, very pissed off by the Royal Commission, move to increase rates and charges regardless of the Reserve.
    All that money they made from “exotic” billing will have to be made up via legitimate channels.

  10. Peter F

    Rossleigh, you did not specify if it was a forequarter or a hindquarter…..’We look before and after, and Pyne for what is not’

  11. DrakeN

    Frank @ 1:07

    back in those days it was only Camel who had a picture of their factory front and centre on the packaging 😉

  12. David Bruce

    I can see now, why Commissioner Hayne refused to shake hands with the Treasurer-in-Training on live TV.. Shake hands with a politician and count your fingers after?

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