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Challenging Times!

Did you hear about the elderly couple who were wrestled to the sand by NSW Police with Australian Border Force backup, on Bronte Beach shortly after dawn this morning. The following exchange is said to have taken place :

Police Officer : Cuff them, constable and if they give you any lip, taser them.

Elderly Man : But officer we haven’t done anything wrong, we always take our constitutional along the beach at this time of the day.

Officer : You and your accomplice are in breach of regulations, to wit : assembling in a public place adjacent to the Pacific Ocean where five hundred people or more may [or may not] gather and not maintaining a distance of at least 1.5 meters between you and your accomplice.

Man : She’s not my accomplice, she’s my wife of fifty-five years and could you not sit on my chest and please have your officer remove his boot from my wife’s throat. We didn’t know we were breaking the law, nobody told us about these regulations.

Officer : H’ignorance of the law is no excuse and should you or your moll persist in these illegal activities I will have no alternative but to hand you over to Australian Border Force which could mean a period of indefinite detention on a remote island.

Man : She’s not my moll, she’s my wife and we are law abiding citizens officer and won’t be causing any problems for you. We will be keeping a low profile for the rest of the day and just popping into the RSL for a counter-lunch later : spotted-dick is on special this week.

Officer : Right constable read them their rights, clearly they are repeat offenders. Should you, sir, or your collaborator, be found within the vicinity of the Bronte RSL you will immediately be arrested and detained for intensive questioning and re-education. You will also forfeit your meat and three veg and if in possession of a spotted-dick you will both be prosecuted.

Man : Oh ! OK ! I don’t pretend to understand what’s going on but we are law abiding citizens and will just have a quick surf to get the sand off and then go home.

Officer : Right constable, taser them and call in reinforcements we are dealing with recidivists here.

‘Ooroo folks, keep smiling and don’t forget to wash your hands !

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  1. New England Cocky

    Reminds me of NSW Police 21 Division ….. except a little more intelligent.

  2. Aortic

    It used to be said of the Queensland police force, of which Dutton was a member it used to take three of them to make an arrest. One who could read, one who could write and one who could keep the intellectuals under control.

  3. johno

    True story or satire ?

  4. Roland Flickett

    The Qld police force used to be renowned for the number of people in custody who fell downstairs in single-storey police stations…

  5. Kite

    I don’t like that this is presented as fact yet doesn’t sound quite like it to me. Can you please not contribute to spreading misinformation at this time? Not everyone will get your “satire” (which isn’t really).

  6. Zathras

    Back during the 70s two officers from the “Flying 21st” once worked over a friend of mine for the crime of walking home late and alone in the dark, leaving him in the gutter with a cracked rib.

    It was just a slow night and I guess they were bored and in those days the Queensland Police were known to wear fake number badges when bashing protesters so they couldn’t later be identied.

    Ahhh, memories…

    Some people (but certainly not all) love to abuse power.

  7. Josephus

    What really happened? This is funny in a ghoulish satirical way but, were these two assaulted? It is legal for people in one household to be out walking far from others I thought. Give us the truth please.

  8. Terence Mills


    it’s a piece of satire based on a bizarre situation where the only people allowed on certain beaches are uniformed officers – occasionally a board rider sneaks through but pensioners are easy to bring down especially if the K9 squad – also known as Jimbo are summoned.

    The clue to the fictitious nature was in the suggestion that Spotted-Dick was on special at the RSL – it wasn’t, that was a fabrication.

  9. Jack Cade

    Isn’t the release of a shipload of probably infected passengers and the ‘it wasn’t us it was them’ episode EXACTLY what you’d expect from a Federal Government and a Border Force controlled by the incompetent plonkers that Queensland gifted us?
    This story may be satire, but it is very believable.

  10. johno

    All this talk of Qld. cops when the story is in NSW. Anyway, re. Queensland, we used to call it the Police State instead of the Sunshine State.

  11. johno

    The Moonlighting Police State. (bit long for the number plate)

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