“My thoughts on domestic violence – as a survivor”, by Tracie Aylmer.
When Steve Price delivered his “hysterical” comment last night on QandA, I wasn’t surprised. I was disappointed, but not at all surprised.
I have had to deal with comments and behaviours like this for a very long time. I have also had to deal with disbelief over my experiences, and an enormous amount of gaslighting – from both men and women. Few at the time wanted to believe that an ex-partner could smother me, and the fact that I felt in too much fear to go to the police about it. Few wanted to believe that he stalked me, until I left the state. Few supported me.
Steve Price’s ‘gaslighting’ is how the community has typically reacted to experiences of domestic violence, in particularly emotional, mental and financial abuse. If you can’t see the bruises, people don’t usually want to know about it.
There are many instances where people want to think that only women are abused from male partners. This is false, and does incredible damage to the community. It targets only one group of people, to the detriment of others. I read comments on the QandA Facebook page where a woman stated that men don’t suffer domestic violence. This is untrue. Domestic violence is the action of a perpetrator against a victim. To target one group of people that legitimately and statistically feel the adverse affects is detrimental to the community as a whole.
We need to stop how domestic violence is perceived, and change the story quickly. We need full community inclusiveness. To do otherwise does not give the full picture.
We also need funding – desperately. We need women only refuges, men only refuges, and refuges particularly targeted to each group of people that suffer. We need therapy, and inclusiveness. We need all the things that I was denied, and we need it for the whole community. Not just one part.
And, we need the legal system to step up – urgently – and listen to those with lived experience. We know much more about domestic violence than what others think. Doing this will save not just the billions of dollars that politicians typically only think about, but more importantly . . . lives.
