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Breaking news – someone said something to someone

In breaking news, it’s been revealed that privately Julia Gillard is backing Kevin Rudd. An unnamed source today claimed that a New Limited reporter had told him that in private conversations, Gillard had said she’d be voting for Rudd in any leadership challenge.

A spokesman for the Prime Minister refused to comment on speculation about private conversations which has lead many in the press to speculate about whether there is soon to be a challenge. This was confirmed today by an unnamed Fairfax journalist who said that he’d been speaking to other journalists, who were all concerned about the Government’s attempts to shut down free speech.

“This is a blatant attempt to stifle democracy. It’s far worse than when John Howard stacked the board of the ABC, or when Kennett said if it were up to him he’d sell it off” the journalist said. “I’m speaking on the condition of anonymity. I just think the way the Gillard Government stuffed up the passing of National Disability Scheme legislation last week, by allowing leadership speculation to dominate, well, they’re just not fit to run a media unit.”

Chris Uhlmann agreed that we could use his unnamed sources on the the condition that we spelled his name correctly and that we didn’t quote anything they’d actually said. Michelle Grattan said that it’s been clear for some time that no-one likes Julia. Other sources confirmed that the PM privately supported Bob Carr’s private thoughts, one even going as far as suggesting that, in private, Carr was actually thinking things that he hadn’t actually said. Another source, was sure that Carr was saying things that he hadn’t actually thought, while a third source denied that there was any thinking going on at all.

A key figure inside the Labor party assured everyone that Julia Gillard was supporting Rudd in private, but that publicly she felt she had to maintain loyalty to herself, but if there was a spill Rudd would receive everyone’s vote twice.

Meanwhile, a spokesman for Tony Abbott said there was no truth in the rumour that he and Malcolm Turnbull spent Valentine’s Day together, and had been seen holding hands in the corridors of Parliament House. “While it’s true that everyone in the Liberal Party loves each other, Malcolm and I are just good friends.”

A leadership spill is speculated to occur tomorrow, and on Thursday … Friday at the latest. If not Friday, certainly sometime before or after the next election.


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