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Bloody Fair Dinkum Power, Where The Hell Are You?

To me, the great thing that Scott Morrison had going for him as Treasurer was his capacity to be boring. Let’s be real, one only has to use the words “fiscal”, “nominal expenditure”, “Gross Domestic Product” and “Consumer Price Index” in the same paragraph and not only does it seem like one knows what one is doing, but most sane people are too bored to pay much attention. Certainly I don’t want the person doing my tax to sound too interesting; it makes me worried that they’re up to something.

I expected this boredom bonus to carry over once he became PM, giving Scottie a little bit of a honeymoon period, where we were comparatively content that – unlike erratic Abbott or flashy Turnbulll – we had a boringly safe pair of hands on the tiller, sailing us through the calm waters till there’s a change of government. Unfortunately, for the Liberal Party, it seems as though he’s chosen to spend his honeymoon at the Ettamogah Pub, that fictious chaotic hotel which was turned into a reality by some enterprising businessmen.  Similarly, Scott seems to want to turn us into the ficticious fifties Australia where we were all fair dinkum and there was a fair go for all… so long as you were an Anglo-saxon male.

I could overlook his use of the phrases “fair dinkum power” and “a fair go for those who have a go” if I thought they’d just slipped out in the way that your offensive uncle’s views slip out at Christmas after a few drinks. Unfortunately, they both seem to be a carefully crafted slogan and part of a marketing campaign. As such, it makes his “where the bloody hell are you campaign” for tourism seem like the epitome of good taste and intelligent marketing. While “jobs and growth” was bad enough, at least they were three words I’d heard in normal conversation this century. Stone the bloody crows, I’m waiting for him to casually drop “sheilas” into an interview about women in the Liberal Party or to tell us that the unemployment figures are just “bonza”. Yes, I’m fair dinkum about that!

“Fair dinkum power” is rather like their plan for jobs and growth. If we get fair dinkum power, it’ll be both reliable and cheaper. What’s the plan for achieving this? How do we get it? Just like jobs and growth, it’ll happen when our plan is put into place so it won’t be happening straight away, but it will happen. Similarly, I can cure your cold. Just pay me ten bucks and if your cold doesn’t clear up in the next four weeks, I”ll give you your money back. Yes, “fair dinkum power” is something that won’t occur until after the election, and it’ll only happen if you re=elect the Liberals. If you don’t, well there won’t be any fair dinkum power…. at least not for them.

The worst part of Scott Morrison is that he’s starting to get to the point where Tony Abbott is looking good. I know, I know, it’s a big call. But some of Tony’s worst captain’s calls were harmless things like knighting a duke. Yes, we all felt that Tony was like a kid playing with matches; Scott seems to be lighting them and trying to land them in the can of petrol.

Perhaps the best comparison for Scott would be Billy McMahon, a man once described as “a despicable bastard” and a “contemptible little squirt” but that was by other Liberals, Menzies and Sir Paul Hasluck. McMahon may be best remembered for his surprsingly accurate assessment of the situation when he told voters that after looking at the facts, they should vote Labor. He quickly corrected himself, but he may have been better to have stuck with his original statement.

Whatever, I suspect that the best move for the Coalition would be to go to the polls now and limit the damage. Over the next few months, I see one or more of the following things happening.

  1. The people of Wentworth grow to appreciate having an Independent who actually stands for something. They also realise that the Liberals won’t be in power after the next election and they might get more bribes from Labor if Phelps is the member, because there’s no incentive for a Labor government to do anything to help a sitting Liberal, but helping an Independent look good is one more seat the Liberals have to spend campaign funds winning back
  2. The National Party could change leaders. Even if they don’t go the full Barnaby, they may feel that they need a change because the current one has been there almost a year and they want to look like a major party.
  3. Scott Morrison will float an idea because a radio shock jock seems to think it’s a good thing. He will later get into more trouble by insisting that it’s just an idea and nothing is definite and it’s a great idea because Alan likes it and it’s just an idea and it’s worth discussing but don’t tell me there’s anything wrong with it because we don’t want to talk about it. (See the moving of the Israeli Embassy for a prototype. Even Turnbull who was sent to discuss it with Indonesia, wasn’t meant to discuss it!)
  4. Someone may actually notice the irony in outgoing minister, Simon Birmingham’s press release expressing his pride at being the longest serving Education Minister since Brendan Nelson. He was there for slightly less than three years, which is longer than your average PM, but not quite long enough to make it from one election to the next.
  5. There may be questions about whether the neo-nazis are being expelled from the National Party because they were too left wing for some in the NSW branch.
  6. Tony Abbott will say something that reminds people of why we got rid of him.
  7. Scott Morrison will say something that makes us wonder whether getting rid of Tony was really such a great idea.

Now, I’m not saying all these things will happen in the next six months. However, I suspect that if the Liberals haven’t acknowledged the trouncing they had in Wentworth, then there’s little hope for them. Yes, it’s true they can turn it around. They have in the past. But that required them to actually have a look in the mirror and say, “What are we doing wrong and how could we fix it?” While many of you may not have liked what they did, the point is that it worked electorally for them in a number of elections. For this one, they seem like a football side who are behind at three-quarter time deciding that they’ve won from this position before so there’s really no need  do anything differently – they don’t even acknowledge that they may need to try harder.

Still, I can understand why they wouldn’t want to take a look in the mirror. I mean, would you if you were going to see a reflection like that?


12 comments

  1. New England Cocky

    Ah Rossligh, you have made my day already!!

    Your comment “There may be questions about whether the neo-nazis are being expelled from the National Party because they were too left wing for some in the NSW branch” is closer to the truth than the voters outside New England know.

    Then “The National Party could change leaders. Even if they don’t go the full Barnaby, they may feel that they need a change because the current one has been there almost a year and they want to look like a major party” is a possibility because McCormack is a former newspaper editor so obviously can think better than a Merino sheep, which makes him dangerous in the Barnyard of self-serving National$ rednecks.

    But I think it is most unfair that you identify Morriscum as a disorganised di*khead simply because he is unwilling to make any decision for himself. I mean, how can unelected political hacks who control pre-selection in the Liarbrals have a PM who thinks for himself??? That oud be untenable!!!

  2. John O'Callaghan

    Oh dear,Morrison and the Libs are treating us all like total idiots and we are getting fed up with it,they really have no idea and are so far out of touch with ordinary peple that it is frightening.
    The whole country is waiting on their verandahs and back steps with their baseball and cricket bats to smash this awful Govt into political oblivion!

  3. helvityni

    … and when in those golden old Aussie days a young reffo or wog fellow were after those ‘sheilas’, you were called a ‘poothar’….

    Must have been very hard for the foreign born blokes to get it, no worries, if you did not understand the Oz etiquette, you could always go back were you came from…

    I’m quite surprised to learn that Pooline married a wog…a Polish refugee, I suppose she was very young and ignorant then, she has learnt since that they are all bad….now they make babies on Nauru and Manus, in hope to have a better chance to enter Australia…

  4. SteveFitz

    Good points all round – It’s a joke! For the LNP – I would definitely avoid looking in the mirror and cracking it – It’s 7 years bad luck. From a very reliable source. A fly on the wall in the PM’s office…

    Morrison to Turnbull just back from Indonesia – “When I do something stupid – You go and stuff it up!” “Your grounded for 2 weeks…. do I look O.K” – Crack!
    Morrisons pep-talk after Wentworth – “Can you tell me to shut up, I’m giving myself the shits”. How do I look – Crack!
    Morrison to Abbott – That’s the dumbest thing you’ve said all day! Abbott: “I haven’t been here all day”. Crack!
    Dutton – Lets talk about Nauru – Morrison: “I can feel myself getting that vacant look.” Crack!
    Kelly – Lets talk about climate – Morrison: “I can feel myself getting that vacant look.” Crack!
    Morrisons public appeal speech – “I want to be beautiful for you. But, when I look in the mirror it’s still me again” – Crack!
    Morrison in a mini skirt: “This is my last shot at it – I refuse to grow old gracefully” – Crack!
    Yes, it’s a fantasy world of distortion and delusion which suggests something psychoactive – Crack!

  5. Kronomex

    The Beetroot could be Scummo’s (my contempt for them and others of their ilk won’t allow me to grace them by using their names) mate, cobber, bit of a galah, Bruce (couldn’t resist a bit of Monty Python), bit of a dill, larrikin and other Australian slang terms.

    I’ll leave the swear words and phrases (and no doubt they are legion) on how we really feel about the LNP up to you. You never know someone might create a new word or phrase that encapsulates it all in one go.

    Me, I’m going for a technicolour yawn in the thunderbox because thinking about the LNP is making me feel ill.

  6. pierre wilkinson

    and of course, there is the old fall back position of blaming Labor and threatening the entire country will disappear up its’ own fundament if Bill Shorten is made PM

  7. Kaye Lee

    Rossleigh,

    Your ability to combine incisive political commentary, astute character insights, and humour, never ceases to amaze me. We are left with an uncomfortable smile which is a much better feeling than wanting to scream and throw things.

    Beauty bottler cobber.

  8. Terence Mills

    The Neo-Nazis infiltrating the National Party is a well thought out strategy to gain influence at the heart of government.

    Think about it, the Nationals are a small directionless party with way more influence than they deserve but, to keep the Liberals in office they are roped into a coalition given various portfolios plus the deputy prime ministership.

    It makes them a very attractive target for far-right nut jobs. In fact they would be very much at home !

  9. New England Cocky

    @Terence Mills: What many do not realise is that these persons were expelled from the National$ because their views were out of step with the National$ “family values” of Adultery, Alcoholism, Avarice, Bigotry, Misogyny and Racism. They were too far to the left!!!

  10. Rossleigh

    “The Age” had a nice front page article about state Liberal Opposition Leader, Mathew “The Family” Guy. I particularly liked their slogan for the coming electio: “Get Back In Control”. Perhaps it’s just me, but it does suggest that their main aim is to win government rather than having an actual agenda.
    I guess it’s meant to appeal to fears about “African” gangs causing chaos, and as we know from his loster lunch, Matty likes his crime organised!

  11. Terence Mills

    New England Cocky

    I have to admit that quite often I find the terms Left and Right Wing confusing.

    According to The Concise Oxford Dictionary of Politics, in liberal democracies, the political right opposes socialism and social democracy. Right-wing parties include conservatives, Christian democrats, classical liberals, nationalists and on the far-right; racists and fascists with the extreme right-wing applied to movements including Nazis and racial supremacists..

    The upstarts who are currently infiltrating the National party, as you note, may be too Left Wing for the modern Nationals. Perhaps they would be happier taking over One Nation but even that would be like herding cats.

    Rossleigh, I think you are on to something, the only discernible policy of the Liberals seems to be their right to rule the rest of us and their extreme irritation about being in opposition (in Victoria and in due course nationally).

  12. AJ O'Grady

    Scott Morriscum and “FAIR DINKUM” in the same sentence is a oxymoron and an insult to Australians intelligence.

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