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Beam Me Up, Scotty or did the Government use an Allen Key when they built their policies?

“We want to send a very clear message that we want you in work when you are job-ready, that you don’t have the option of walking from the school gate to the front door of the Centrelink office. This document is not an Ikea catalogue to go shopping for benefits. That’s not what it is. What this is is a schedule of benefits and payments that are there to help people in need and who need that help from the Australian taxpayer.”

Scott Morrison, Minister for Social Services

Now, I’ve had a look at the IKEA catalogue, and if anyone was using it to shop for benefits then they’re clearly looking in the wrong place. The IKEA catalogue does tell us at the start that it’s “WHERE THE EVERDAY BEGINS AND ENDS”, but it doesn’t list any Centrelink benefits at all, which makes me wonder why on earth Mr Morrison would think that anyone would fhink of his document and IKEA in the same breath. And most IKEA products come in big flat boxes which you have to put together yourself using an alllen key, unlike Centrelink benefits which are for people who never do anything for themselves. In fact, that’s why I found his concern that people might walk from the school gate to Centrelink a little puzzling, surely the bludgers he’s targetting would be too lazy to walk anywhere, so I really don’t see that at a likely problem.

Although the IKEA catalogue did promise: “Smart furniture to make work a little easier”, while the current government seems to think that work should be hard and finding it should be easy. As Morrison told the unemployed: “You can’t wait around for the dream job you may want if you want to get a welfare benefit”, adding that people should take anything that’s available, because, after all, he wasn’t sponging on the taxpayer and he’d taken on the job of Social Services Minister when he’s really much rather be PM, but because it was there, he took it.

Because it’s only the undeserving that Mr Morrison was talking about in relation to a four week waiting period. He went on to point out exemptions to the four week waiting period:

“Waiting period exemptions

  • former carers of people with a disability
  • people recently released from prison or psychiatric facilities
  • young people who are unable to live at home
  • young people with undiagnosed mental illness
  • young refugees and migrants
  • people with a disability
  • pregnant women in the final six weeks of pregnancy
  • parents who are the primary carer”

So you can’t walk from the school gate to Centrelink, but you can go from prison. I guess that makes sense because you wouldn’t want an ex-felon unable to feed themselves for four weeks.

Still, of all the exemptions, I find the fourth one the most intriguing and I must source it from a more credible source than the ABC website. So young people with an “undiagnosed” mental illness qualify for an exemption … So, if it’s “undiagnosed”, how do Centrelink determine whether or not they have a mental illness apart from the obvious Catch-22 that anyone willingly going to a Centrelink office (including the staff) must have a desire for self harm? And if Centrelink determine that they have one, does that mean that it’s now “diagnosed” and therefore makes the young person ineligible for an exemption?

Ok, it was probably meant to be diagnosed, but with this government one can never be sure. At least, IKEA products come with instructions of how to put things together even if they are hard to follow. And because you saw the product in the store, you know that there is a way to put it together so that it functions.

Unlike the Abbott Government.

Yeah, I suspect that the voters just presumed that when they took it out of that flat box labelled “We’ll fix the debt by eliminating two great big taxes”, someone else would put things together and it’d all be ok. They just didn’t expect nearly two years after the election, Abbott, Hockey et al would be complaining that it was Labor’s fault because they were the ones who lost the allen key.


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  1. deanyz1

    To get an Alum (Allen) key, you’d have to go to Bunnings. The poor unemployed would be traipsing (because poor people don’t have cars) everywhere. I wonder if Bunnings have a helpful catalogue?

  2. winstonclose

    Excellent Rossleigh

  3. Keitha Granville

    Best way to start my weekend ! Thanks Rossleigh for the laugh. Although I was inititially confused, (and clearly totally uneducated and probably therefore unemployable even though I have never claimed welfare in 40 years), because I thought it was an Allen key. Apparently it’s both now – who knew !
    Please keep me laughing, crying is the only other available option.

  4. Annie B

    Good one again, Rossleigh.

    Under ‘waiting period exemptions’ … number 5 was intriguing. !

    D’ya think that might mean, the gov’mint might be willing to accept a few refugees here and there, in the not too distant future ? … 2 or 3 directed from the back door, around to the front ? … Or what ?

    As for the ‘undiagnosed’ mental illness ? The mind boggles.

    Perhaps the prime m, could be seen to have one of those ‘undiagnosed’ afflictions – after his wing flapping dance in Parliament recently ( and any or all of his blundering statements to the public, and within the sanctity of the Parliament chamber ).

    hmmmm !

  5. Gangey1959

    Well done Rossleigh. Except that I spilt my morning coffee. It’s ok mate, blame labour.
    Last time I looked, Ikea was too damn expensive for the unemployed. Must be those import duties and taxes or something.
    Bunnings does have a catalogue. These days it’s titled “Cheap Imported Shit as high as you can reach and as far as you can see”
    They are an Australian company though, so they don’t pay the same duties as Ikea. Still too dear for the unemployed, but it’s a start.
    Why is it that whenever politicians want to market something totally unsalable to the voters they wave a wad of paper with bulshit printed on it around as if they are trying to put out a bush-fire, and tell us all what it ISN’T. Not what it is, or might be, but what it ISN’T.
    Gough did it, Little johnny did it. our dickhead current pm has done it, along with his (ha ha) treasurer, and now our minister of whatever he is today morrison is doing it.. The only saving grace in all of this waving, is that GW and little johnny both lost afterwards, so if history follows its form there is still hope for us all.
    On another note, legalised Gay Marriage is a fairly certain bet. Thanks to Sen. DiNatale and his associates. About bloody time.
    I’m not gay. It wont affect my life in the slightest, unless I get a few wedding invitations. So why are the dickheads in both the lnp and alp so toey about it? The pm, and his alter ego bill were both crapping on about how they couldn’t just pass the bill because the wrong people might get the credit.
    I just don’t understand that when scrapping the mining tax worked so well, and the wrong people entirely got the credit.
    Maybe I need to get a job in politics. There aren’t any out in the real world.
    A last thought. Does “Religion” count as diagnosed or un-diagnosed mental illness ?

  6. kerri

    Annie B I am sure Scotty listed no.5, young refugees and migrants in an attempt to appear all warm and fuzzy towards refugees now that he is no longer their jailer and of course in the complete confidence, due to his previous job, that not one of the sods will ever set foot on Australian soil .

  7. Dee

    The release of Morrison’s statement infuriated me immensely. This government clearly has no concept of real poverty or the way some people live in this country. The proposal to have 24 year old adults, return to their parent’s home to be supported, clearly lacks any understanding of real life. A 24 year old could easily have parents who are on the old age or disability pension or unemployment benefits and barely able to support themselves. Their parents could reside in a small country town with no hope whatsoever of the person ever gaining any employment. There are so many situations that would cause undue hardship for others. The job situation is dire and getting worse day by day. Can these people not see past their need to punish those who have become unwitting victims of their own government’s negative policies? No, let’s just splash taxpayer’s money around on unnecessary wars, ridiculous weaponry, ongoing searches for lost planes and a war museum which most of us will never see in France. This dysfunctional government needs to get in touch with reality yesterday or they’ll be the ruin of us all.

  8. David

    The inception of the Abbott Govt, has seen the introduction to the country of a ‘thing’ known formerly as Ministers. I prefer the title ‘lecturers’ . That is what they do, they lecture us on all aspects of our daily lives. Family matters, money, eduction, health, employment, welfare, security and on it goes. They tell us what is good for us as we are too stupid to possibly think for ourselves. Two of the best exponents of this lecturing are Morrison and Abetz. Go back and read their speeches, answers to questions, all littered with why we must do as they say because theirs is the only way.
    There is no room for debate with the masses, topics are given a hearing in committees, or selected media and then the recommendations become lectures to be delivered as bills in the House. Of course talk is allowed even disapproval, but the lectures belong to the lecturers, not to be given away or worse the unthinkable, changed by the lectured.
    So we listen, sometimes and usually disagree, but that is our lot. Oh we vent our anger on social media. march in the streets even to show disapproval, but eventually little or nothing changes, the lecturers regard protest rallies as St Patrick Day type events. Just a get together with friends and like minded Australians celebrating our good fortune to have such wise, caring, informed exponents of the lecture.
    The words of the head honcho, ‘the physco Abbott’.

  9. Jake Hodgman

    People with diagnosed mental illness but who aren’t ‘young’… Why do they get screwed over? This govt is mentally ill!

  10. dwejevans

    These fools are totally out of their depth, Sheezes, I thought everybody knows that if you find a better deal elsewhere Bunnings will beat it by 10%………So I suppose it does pay to shop around, now can we have a real government?

  11. stephentardrew

    Scored again Rossleigh.

    Time and time again they show their revulsion of the poor and marginalised.

    Were doing this for your own good is the excuse of devious scoundrels.

  12. stuff me

    Every day, in every way, Australia is a loser whilst we have this bunch of morons in Cantbearher.

  13. Florence nee Fedup

    Morrison assumes that young people still living at home, have parents in a position to carry them while unemployed. Many rely on kids input to pay high rent for starters. Many parents in same situation as their kids.

  14. David

    Florence you have described Morrison perfectly. He has no idea what is happening in the real world, nor do his advisers. They are all on huge incomes and have no damn idea how the majority live. Its appalling to have such people deciding how so many will exist.

  15. jassieone

    While I generally agree with AIMN and Rossleigh, I take umbrage at the suggestion that people in need who go to Centrelink for help and/or the people who choose to work there – and it is in the main a choice (I made that choice 30+ yrs ago) – are prone to self harm or perhaps short a sandwich in the picnic basket.

    Not all people receiving assistance are unemployable, but they do all need a hand while they upgrade their qualifications, or raise their children, or hold off their creditors until a positions becomes available, beware deriding the everyman and everywoman – but for the grace of providence go we all.

  16. Phi

    I had a few bloody good chuckles to this one Rossleigh – thanks for the writing – wonderful mental images. Australian politics is insane and bordering on surreal. Where the hell did all these bizarre ministerial misfits come from? They seem to be from some distant era, a different time, a different planet. How could any thinking person take them seriously at all.

  17. Annie B

    @ Florence and Dee ….

    What Morrison is doing, is leaping unashamedly on the current stats. that show that more and more ‘adult’ aged people ARE living back “at home” … some living totally off their parents, no matter what, which is bloody awful, and others contributing to the household, as they should . He is literally betting on it, and putting it all into political double speak ( as they all do ).

    @ David : … Morrison may not have much idea of poverty or what is happening in the real world ( does he care – nope, nope, nope ) …. but he SURE has a handle on exactly what he IS doing, and how to be the perfect political a*sehole that he is —- and that he wants to be, by making political kudos out of this latest ‘trend’. This mob will stop at nothing. !!!

    @ Jammy Em ….. ” There is only one Christopher Pyne on Earth, for example”

    Well — THANK … GOD …. FOR …. THAT. …. it’s of small comfort. … So many of the other front-benchers and their leader, are equally squamous. …. i.e. Snakes.


    @ Kerri …. the ad. for Ikea doesn’t surprise me —- I think sites deliberately put up ads. just to be controversial. Frankly, it gets attention.

    As for warm and fuzzy – Morrison ?????????? Like calling a crocodile as loving as a Golden Retriever – or any other faithful and much loved pet. No offense, I did have a giggle at your comment, and I think you were totally correct.

    @ Phi —- I couldn’t agree more.


    My replies / rants / vents … for today, ended. ….’ sigh ‘ …………

  18. Alan C

    What worries me more is why would someone be a former carer, or someone with a disability be on unemployment benifets unless they have plans to go through people on disability pensions and put them on the dole

  19. Harquebus

    Mass unemployment is coming simply because it is the cheapest option.

  20. stuff me

    I thought that too Alan C, but its difficult to understand the fascist cult movement we have running the country at the moment.

  21. diannaart

    Of course, Scott Morrison, the first place the undeserving poor go is straight to Ikea. Who doesn’t?

    At least we know where Morrison stands on the welfare issue – did we ever expect anything else from the man who stopped the boats? Of course not.

  22. Ned

    I get my Ikea furniture from Hard rubbish and repair it, So I don’t need an Ikea catalogue or an Allen Jones key. Mr Morrison.

    Besides I either don’t drive or don’t drive far so IKEA is too far to drive too with cost of petrol. I’m not being lazy, do the sums.

    Despite People on the dole in Norway can actually afford to shop at IKEA because Australia has the lowest payments in the OECD

    Look-out all the unemployed who have a blond Swedish girlfriend. Mr Morrison will get envious and want to take her and all your ABBA records away from you.

  23. Ned

    Mori-SS-cum may as well said,-This document is not an Ikea / Walmart catalogue to disappear Australians on benefits when we try destroying their Citizenship. That’s not what it is.

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