Ok, while many of you see Barnaby Joyce as an example of idiocy triumphing over competence… and that’s just in the battle of his own thoughts in the race to his mouth…
Oh, now I’ve lost my train of thought… maybe I, too, could be one of the leaders of the free world…
Anyway, Barnaby took leave from his leave to do an interview about how hard done-by he was. These were his main complaints:
- He and his partner have been forced out of their rent-free house by some sort of witch hunt because everyone should have the choice of paying rent or not.
- Vikki Campion didn’t earn $190,000 as reported. She earned a mere $135,000 and she had the pay slips to prove it. See, she was on a pittance.
- People were refering to his unborn child in the “third person”.
Now, I may have missed something here but I thought that one usually referred to others in the third person. First person = “I”, Second person = “You”, and Third Person “He, She or They”.
But hey, if Barnaby wants me to refer to his unborn child as “me” or “you”, I’m happy to oblige. Although I can’t see him being too happy when I say something like I hope Barnaby’s changing my nappy and not leaving it all to Vikki. (In the interests of good taste, I refrained from talking about the birth here!)
Anyway, I thought that the Barnaby Joyce interview was going to be the silliest thing I read all day, but then I read about those silly students who want to put their personal lives ahead of a person’s right to own an arsenal of weapons. Don’t they understand that only politicians have a right to a personal life?
Here in Australia we don’t fully appreciate the deep connection some Americans have with their guns. For some, there’d be no point to life if you don’t own enough assault rifles and automatic weapons to take out an entire generation if they started to displease you. And these silly, selfish kids who never had to fight a losing war in some Asian or Middle-Eastern country, want the right to be safe in school.
Bloody hell. I mean, this safe schools concept is causing trouble everywhere.
Anyway, President Trump has the answer: Give teachers guns!
Now, before some of you get carried away. No, it’s not to ensure everyone does their homework or to prevent talking in class, however appealing that might be to Kevin Donnelly. It’s for when there’s a school massacre taking place. And let’s face it: In the USA there are enough school shootings for this to be a reasonable plan in terms of cost spent on guns for teachers versus cost spent on mental health.
Ok, there are some practical considerations. Like old Mrs Gray who – even though she still loves teaching and can inspire a love of Shakespeare sonnets with the best of them – is a bit slow on the draw and may have to be pensioned off. But still that should create openings for a few ex-marines who’ve had trouble finding work since because of their
PTSD after their tour of duty in Iraq. Ok, they may be a little jumpy and when Benny in the back row reaches for his phone, he may be shot by mistake… But hey, don’t we all want to keep phones out of schools?
And it does, of course, mean that any sane gunman planning a school massacre should always take out the teacher with the first shot. Followed, naturally, by anyone close enough to reach the teacher’s gun.
And yes, there is the question about automatic weapons. If there’s not going to be a ban on high-powered, rapid action weapons, doesn’t that mean that arming teachers with a piddly little pistol puts them at a disadvantage? Surely, nothing less than a rocket launcher will do for teachers.
Whatever, I think these things can be ironed out. It’s good to know that Trump has an excellent plan.
We can forget all about the United States and just worry about things in Australia. Yep, that’s where I expect that Barnaby is feeling all warm because he’ll have had a week’s leave where he’s had time to be feeling the kicks from…
Knowing how upset he was about us referring to his unborn child in the third person, I’m unsure how to complete that sentence. Should I say “the kicks from you” or “the kicks from me”?