Barnaby Joyce today was outraged to have received a letter from Queensland asking for financial aid after being stuck with a cyclone. Taking the podium at a news conference – looking physically shaken – he started in an even tone.
“There are forms, there are forms … New South Wales sent their form … You can’t just send me a two page bloody letter. For goodness sake, I fill out my forms, I tell you fill them out, all the way out. I am sure the people at home fill out their forms. We all have these stupid forms to fill out so by crikey fill out your stupid bloody form.”
Barnaby began to grow in excitement as he continued while waving a two page letter in one hand and a 500 page form in the other, papers flying everywhere as he struggled to maintain control of the ream of paperwork.
“I mean what next, right. Can I have an amen? Hallelujah. What would Jesus do? I’ll tell you what he would not do, he would not write a two page letter asking for all the government’s money over the forward estimate! That is not what He would do! … I expect He would fill out the form, like any normal individual would do….”
Losing control Barnaby flung the remaining form papers skywards, his fist clenched and face growing a bright plum shade of red.
“Cm-on, get real … I know you had a cyclone, but what? Are well going to start writing wee letters to the banks asking them for all the money? Let’s get real right now okay, it’s a form, it’s important … Besides who even writes letters anymore? I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you, this is bloody Labor at work, that is what this is. Labor at work. Bloody left-wing writing bloody letter … Idiots.”
With that Barnaby stormed off the stage muttering, “Just fill out the form, just fill it out, we want to help you, we do”.
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