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Barnaby Joyce livid about form failure

By Sean

Barnaby Joyce today was outraged to have received a letter from Queensland asking for financial aid after being stuck with a cyclone. Taking the podium at a news conference – looking physically shaken – he started in an even tone.

“There are forms, there are forms … New South Wales sent their form … You can’t just send me a two page bloody letter. For goodness sake, I fill out my forms, I tell you fill them out, all the way out. I am sure the people at home fill out their forms. We all have these stupid forms to fill out so by crikey fill out your stupid bloody form.”

Barnaby began to grow in excitement as he continued while waving a two page letter in one hand and a 500 page form in the other, papers flying everywhere as he struggled to maintain control of the ream of paperwork.

“I mean what next, right. Can I have an amen? Hallelujah. What would Jesus do? I’ll tell you what he would not do, he would not write a two page letter asking for all the government’s money over the forward estimate! That is not what He would do! … I expect He would fill out the form, like any normal individual would do….”

Losing control Barnaby flung the remaining form papers skywards, his fist clenched and face growing a bright plum shade of red.

“Cm-on, get real … I know you had a cyclone, but what? Are well going to start writing wee letters to the banks asking them for all the money? Let’s get real right now okay, it’s a form, it’s important … Besides who even writes letters anymore? I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you, this is bloody Labor at work, that is what this is. Labor at work. Bloody left-wing writing bloody letter … Idiots.”

With that Barnaby stormed off the stage muttering, “Just fill out the form, just fill it out, we want to help you, we do”.



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  1. wam

    I wish bill and tanya new how to upset a federal pollie.

  2. john ocallaghan

    I heard Barny interviewed this morning on ABC Brisbane and he was raving on like a drunken babshee on steroids about how he only received one letter from QLD but 500 or something from his mates in NSW, i mean the bloke really sounded unhinged!
    I know what the bastard was doing,and it was’nt to help the poor buggers in QLD who needed the money in a hurry,he was playing politics like he always does,and he was making out that the Labor Govt in QLD was useless and the Liberal Govt in NSW were saints!
    It’s about time us and the media stopped playing footsies with arseholes like Joyce and call them out in the strongest fashion for the blatant corrupt opportunist they really are!

  3. Halfbreeder

    Joyce is completely unfit to be make decisions on behalf of anyone. He is unfit for public office.

  4. lawrencewinder

    That was almost too real… oh, hang on……

  5. Terry2

    Branaby Joyce : November 2015

    “Cutting red tape has been a major part of the Government’s overall strategy to build a stronger, more productive and diverse economy. Now is the ideal time to build on this policy.”

    “An important area to look at will include working bilaterally with a state or territory or with all states and territories together to remove duplication and regulation that hamper innovation and productivity. “

    “That’s less time required by individuals and businesses to fill out forms, ensure they comply with regulation, seek external advice and invest in systems and equipment,” Mr Joyce said.

    So, when it comes to scoring a political point Barney will always play the hypocrite.

  6. MichaelW

    Is this satire or for real?

  7. townsvilleblog

    Which is so typical of this LNP government, more concern about bloody paperwork than the people.

  8. Kyran

    Poor bananas. He really is a troubled individual. Does anyone know if he ever filled out any paper work for the APVMA debacle?
    With regard to water and Queensland, he was there in February, 2016, making announcements.

    “We have put $500 million on the table, for which $50 million goes towards the feasibility studies of the construction of dams. Now these have actually been over-subscribed.”

    It’s not like he would allocate $500mill before the paperwork had been done, is it? Ah well, when the bar has been set so low, we really should learn to curb our disappointment. Thank you Sean and commenters. Take care

  9. Vikingduk

    What else could we expect from this bullying, blundering buffoon, never forget he most definitely is a country member, with the intelligence of a boiled turnip and the appearance of a stewed beetroot. Wether this is farce or fact, this is the level of this insane clown’s attempts of communication. And still they get voted into their positions.

  10. 245179

    Joyce is not alone in the buffoon club, canberra all parties, contribute stunning examples of same genre. The political game is entering into a whole new world.

  11. Vikingduk

    Yes, 245179, a parliament of rancid jackals, hopeless incompetents, ideologically driven psychopaths, voted into office by a largely brain dead population. These hyenas, these effing vultures, feast on the dreams, hopes and futures of those of us that aren’t well off, who don’t have a family trust, who aren’t a corporation, who don’t have power and access to highly paid lobbyists.

    When they deserve to be feasting on the rotten remains of road kill in the greasy spoon cafe, the disease infected corpses of the shock jocks, the MSM typists, the hadleys, the jones, andy blot, repulsive rupert.

    These dishonourable members these sociopathic shits, feast in the trough you bastards, the worm turns, every dog has his day, nothing is forever. It is past time your traitorous ways were exposed ( simply, of course, the sleeping masses need patience when confronted with facts ).

    And when we think it can’t possibly get any worse it will. Happy effing easter

  12. GlennBarry

    I love and adore Barnaby, because it’s proof positive that no matter how mentally deficient, temperamentally unsuited, intellectually challenged or just downright ethically conflicted and totally morally bankrupt – you can still get paid lots of money.

    We are truly an equal opportunity country, such beautiful freedoms to behold

  13. Anomander

    Adani filled out all the forms and that’s why they are getting $1 billion.

  14. jim

    Hey, not to worry I’m thinking that the general voters will see this for what it is, political point scoring, before people as is the LNPs usual way, hope so anyway.

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