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At the Morrisons on Christmas morn’

By 2353NM

On Christmas morning, Prime Minister Scott Morrison had a traditional start to the day. His family gathered around the Christmas Tree to exchange presents before heading off to church. They were all hoping for something extra from Santa because they have all had a rough year living through the resignation of Gladys Berejiklian, COVID and the large number of slurs and insults directed at the ‘head’ of the household.

When they settled and made themselves ready for the photograph that would inevitably appear later in the day on social media, they began to open Santa’s presents. Morrison’s wife, Jenny, was absolutely delighted with her new Pandora necklace with a label showing the gift was purchased at a jeweller’s shop in Engadine. His daughters realised the possibilities of what will be when they can travel to Queensland and use the 3 day passes to Seaworld and Movieworld that were found in their Santa sacks. Our illustrious Prime Minister found a lump of coal in his Santa Sack.

While he has used a lump of coal to belittle the opposition in Parliament, as you can probably understand Morrison was particularly unimpressed by the present. So, being a man of action, he got on to the phone and rang the President of Finland and asked him for Santa’s contact details. Soon afterwards, Morrison rang Santa and demanded to know why he received a present traditionally reserved for those that had been very naughty.

Santa, being rather tired and irritable after a longer than usual trip around the world (those QR codes and travel restrictions did his head in) told Morrison in no uncertain terms that the Elf on the Parliamentary Shelf had reported a litany of bad behaviour over the past 12 months. Morrison, not being used to getting a dressing down by anyone, objected. Santa decided that he had better things to do with his life than argue the point for hours with the unrepentant Prime Minister of Australia so began to list off items in the reports from the Elf on the Shelf.

Santa started with Morrison’s claim that he never called former Senator Sam Dastyari ‘Shanghai Sam’ when it was recorded on video, suggesting if Morrison had to lie over something that is reasonably trivial, what chance is there of truth when it really mattered?

Despite Morrison’s objections, Santa went on to discuss the justification for Morrison demonising electric vehicles at the time of the 2019 election and making them a large part of the unconvincing road to zero emissions by 2050.

Santa went on to ask Morrison how he could justify the wasted job keeper payments which, if redirected to Jobseeker, would have kept the payment above the poverty line for five years. Morrison didn’t answer.

And the pork-barrelling you presided over was even worse, said Santa. Regardless of the claimed capability of the individual member of Parliament, how is it possible that adjoining electorates receive 46 times the funding based, it would seem, on the political party the Representative belongs to? And while the first one was funny, Santa told Morrison he was concerned when a number of children wrote to him claiming to live in a marginal electorate to get better presents as it shows the country is aware of the problem.

Then Santa went on to tell Morrison that letters from the Attorney-General to the Prime Minister can’t ‘be lost’, rather someone seems to be trying to hide the legal information the letter contained about the administration of the community sports program which has also been called ‘sports rorts’.

About now, Morrison finally picked himself off the floor and bleated that it was highly unfair that he was not only fighting the Labor Party but a number of well financed independent candidates in the seats he would usually win. To make matters worse, these independents are well funded but not disclosing where every dollar of funding is coming from. Santa shot back that the most secretive political party in Australia when it came to funding was Morrison’s Liberal Party, so his point is what exactly?

Morrison decided he didn’t need to hear any more and hung up in Santa’s ear. From his home in the not so frozen north (climate change is a thing – apparently), Santa decided to keep an eye on Morrison for the first few weeks of January to see if there had been any improvement. He asked Michael Pascoe, one of his trusted helpers in Australia, to prepare a report. The report wasn’t pleasant reading.

  • The COVID testing system has been blown up
  • The Prime Minister’s monumental clanger of preferencing “the private market” for RATs over public health advice is hurting badly, with even the Australian Financial Review running multiple negative stories
  • The overall RATs debacle is being sheeted home to the federal government for delaying the tests’ approval for use here and then failing to move on supply until there was already a shortage
  • Businesses and individuals are increasingly suffering from a spreading voluntary lockdown as Omicron runs riot under the “let it rip” policy championed by Mr Morrison
  • Stories are leaking out of hospitals failing their own care standards as cases jump and staff contract the virus
  • About 2000 aged-care homes are short staffed, existing somewhere between a permanent state of fear of imminent disaster and the actual disaster of solitary confinement lockdowns
  • Governments changing definitions to obtain less embarrassing outcomes are not fooling many
  • And there is that ongoing problem of Mr Morrison “being economical with the truth”, to put it mildly.

Santa was unsurprised, but bitterly disappointed.

What do you think?

This article was originally published on The Political Sword

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6 comments

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  1. GL

    Jeez, I don’t think I want to be Scummo when the Easter Bunny shows up this time around after reading what Santa thought and said.

  2. New England Cocky

    Such a sad story of neglect and disappointing non-leadership from a person who has lived the lie and profited enormously now and into the future thanks to the perks of being Prim Monster. Called a liar by the French President and led by the nose by the American President, there is little positive to shoe for the wasted eight (8) years of incompetent neo-liberal siphoning of public resources into private hands on a non-returnable basis.

    Australia the Lucky Country? Not since 2013 and the Rabbot-Turdball-Scummo destruction of aspiration and excellence.

  3. Jim Jacobsen

    As you said, Santa didn’t have time for a more exhaustive list of Scumbag’s flaws, mistakes, stuff-ups, lies, and killing of Australians by the 1000’s with his let it rip approach to total prime ministerial incompetence and negligence. Time to go Scumbag and your Liberal cronies.

  4. wam

    Thanks, NM2353,
    I think it great that santa knew all this and he lives in finland.
    But, sadly, it explains why Albo’s milk and iced vovos remained unconsumed and his stocking was empty.
    I wonder if albo, et al, can do something with hot cross buns?

  5. Mr Bronte ALLAN

    Great article 2353NM, & so bloody true too! What amazes me is just how many stupid, ignorant, rusted on liberal voters out there who think Slo Mo’s shit does not stink & he is incapable of telling lies because he is “religious” (?) therefore could never tell lies! What utter crap that so many idiots actually think he & his rabble of a party are all ok? Fucking idiots through & through! All we “normal thinking Australians can do is hope that the libs keep on shooting themselves in the foot, & are brought down by their litany of lies, untruths & cover ups, so that they actually lose the next election & they can be consigned to the waste bins they ALL deserve!

  6. GL

    Grace Tame at the NPC today sums up the Scummo (because ultimately it always comes back to being about him) succinctly: “The federal government’s approach to social issues seems to consist of nothing but empty announcements, placatory platitudes, superficial last-minute acknowledgements and carefully staged photo ops,” she said. “Facades and false hope. Reviews, reports, delays and distractions, if not downright denials. All deliberate spin tactics designed to satiate the press and the general public.”

    https://www.smh.com.au/politics/federal/grace-tame-and-brittany-higgins-speak-out-as-government-moves-on-staffer-protections-20220209-p59uxc.html

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