No, Tony Abbot didn’t actually say that!

At least he hasn’t at the point that I’m writing this.

Whatever, Boris has suggested that they’ll be legislating to allow shops to use the old imperial stones, pounds and ounces in Britain. This is real and not something I’m making up and while it sounds absurd given the confusion, not to mention the expense of such a move, Boris has actually announced his intention to do this.  However, given the knighthood to Prince Phillip,  I’m not sure that by the time you’re reading this that the headline about Tony Abbott won’t actually be true.

Although when I think about it, I did order a footlong sub the other day so we still use imperial measurements in some shops. I think I should be clear that I was in Subway and I actually ordered, paid for it and left with my order. I didn’t leave my credit card, walk away and then suddenly have them find out that I was intending to eat a quarter pounder from MacDonald’s because I called a media conference to announce my dietary intentions for sometime in 2040.

That’s why I’m not fit to be in government. I wouldn’t have spent lots of money on subs that I wasn’t going to use and while it could be argued that I haven’t, I think the fact that the shop I’ve pissed off have my credit card could possibly lead to it being an expensive exercise. In Victoria, there was a lot of flack when Dan Andrews didn’t proceed with the deal for a freeway which the Liberals had signed up for in their dying days. Unlike the submarine deal, he wasn’t the one who signed up for it, only to change his mind.

Speaking of submarines, Christian Porter has resigned.

I know that previous sentence may not seem to make sense to those of you who don’t follow politics closely but the current modus operandi of the government is to distract us from the previous disaster by pointing us in the direction of another disaster until one of them has something that we can focus on where there is more than one side of the argument.

To demonstrate with a complete hypothetical:

1. Let’s say the government has failed to plan for bushfires in 2021/2 and a bushfire breaks out.
2. Scott Morrison announces his intention to holiday in Hawaii because not telling people seemed to upset them so he’s being completely upfront about his refusal to hold anything unless directed by his photographer. (Behave… this is not the Benny Hill Show)
3. There is a media outcry but we talk about the PM’s right to have a holiday.
4. If this is not going well, we suddenly that a government MP has been caught sending inappropriate texts to a member of his staff.
5. The member of staff puts in a complaint.
6. He/she is sacked.
7. She/he goes to media.
8. The story becomes the news of the night.
9. The government then talk about an MP’s right to privacy and how inappropriate it was that this staffer released the private texts.
10. There is some discussion about the right to privacy.
11. The government point out to various media organisations that not only do they have the private texts of people but that recent legislation means that the AFP and ASIO are legally entitled to change them.
12. An inquiry is announced into whether Fast Phil should be the one to hold the inquiry into the invasion of privacy or whether a Royal Commission is needed to ensure that all retired judges are gainfully employed.
13. There is a terrorist alert.
14. Someone is arrested for terrorism and their next door neighbours are arrested too.
15. We start to talk about whether the next door neighbours’ rights were violated because they were arrested for their failure to alert the authorities to the fact that people in the street were printing anti-government material.
16. Peter Dutton says we don’t have time to worry about rights in a time of war. When someone asks who we’re at war with, he declares war on China.
17. We start talking about whether the Defence Minister has the capacity to unilaterally declare war without consulting the PM.
18. Dutton declares a state of emergency and claims that – as Defence Minister – he is now in charge.
19. Morrison sacks Dutton and declares himself head of Border Force.
20. At this point, we are now listening to Insiders discuss whether the PM has the right to sack a Defence Minister after a state of emergency has been declared and whether, in fact, the Defence Minister has the power to declare one, and if he (or she) does what happens if the PM doesn’t like it…

Where were we? Ah, Porter and the blind trust.

Yes, sometimes it’s hard to see the forest for the twees.