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A letter to the editor: “Morrie Hits Back”

All those comments pertaining to my last letter to The AIM Network were just what I would have expected from the left wing latte sipping loonies of the proletariat. The chardonnay drinking Bolsheviks without any intelligence. All they could do was criticise a few grammatical errors. Nothing better to do.

The thing is, you commies don’t understand the fundamentals of conversation. The free market and capitalism. Conservatives (LNP) believe in personal responsibility, limited government, free markets, individual liberty and traditional values. We believe the role of government should be to provide people the freedom necessary to pursue their own goals unhindered by government regulations.

Just before I go on. I read that piece by John Lord; “Why are the Right so Feral?”

Fair dinkum. He wouldn’t know shit from clay. I’d suggest he takes a hold of himself. Surely it’s clear to everyone that we need to be free to pursue wealth. I mean I needed the freedom to accept my inheritance. The same with Gina. There will always be haves and have nots. Even Jesus said that. And Ronald Regan said. If we keep giving more money to the rich, everyone will have more money. It’s called tickle down economics.

The poor will just have to wait a little longer to see it work. Conservatives were born to control capitol. Labour comes after capital. Not everyone can be effluent. Had we had less regulation and let market forces have their way we wouldn’t have had a Global Financial Crisis. Now look at the mess Tony has to get the world out of.

Oh and another thing. At the risk of repeating myself. I didn’t appreciate all the sarcastic remarks from that women Kaye Lee. I can only say that good manners is a basic tenant of conservation. And women should be obscene and not heard.

Now where was I? Yes? There is no inequity in society. It’s just that some deserve more than others. We were born to rule. If we don’t have poor people who’s going to do the work.

That’s why I admire Christopher Pyne. It talks a lot of courage to change one’s mind and do what’s best for the country. The audacity to suggest that he told a lie before the election is ludicrous. I mean two many educated people can be dangerous for society.

They might all want to be wealthy.

And we don’t tell lies.

And talking about lies. How stupid people can be. Have a read of this letter I found in the AGE. I mean really.

“Some time back Tony Abbott told us that the best way to understand the truth of what he was saying was to have it in writing. Otherwise what he was saying was just idle chatter for an audience. So now I’m a little confused. You see now he is saying that what I thought he said is only a figment of my imagination. That what I think I thought he meant is not what he meant at all.That when he says something and I take it to mean one thing he has the option of saying that what I thought I heard was not what I heard at all. It was only my interpretation of what he meant.I mean, did he say what he meant or did he mean to say what he meant or was what he meant really what he meant.

I know that I am 73 and I have the odd senior moment but usually I know what I mean and what is meant by what I say. I also know that people understand what I’m meaning.
The silly confused old fart must be suffering from dementia.

Anyway I don’t mind wealthy people so long as they aren’t as wealthy as me. If that makes sense.

It’s like my friend Wyatt Roy (I’ve always loved his name. It gives me the erps) said; “Baby Boomers should stay in work longer. We are sick and tired of our generation propping them up”.

In Tony Abbott we have just what this country needs. An undoer. And there’s so much to undo that there is so little time left for doing anything else. That’s what conservatives value most. At this point in time we need an undoer, not a doer. That’s what Tony is.

And while it’s on my mind. I’m glad had Tony the good sense to appoint a man as our next Governor General. I mean, fair dinkum, that sheila should have resigned ages ago. Fancy supporting gay marriage and and a republic. Its bad enough being overrun by Asians and Muslims without giving in to poofters and Republicans. I truly don’t know what’s become of the Lucky Country.

He should have appointed John Howard. He would have made excellent GG. Someone needs to saddle up against all these things. Just think, I mean really think about the contribution the Queen has made to our country. I mean really think if your capable.And I’m sure Charles will keep up the good work. When and if we see him.

I will finish with a few comments about the nasty things said with regard to my last letter. I definitely wont be writing again because I get the impression I am not welcome on this blog. I am at a loss to understand why because all I bring is wisdom and unbiased opinion.

I can only speak the truth Kaye. There is no need to be so bloody cruel. I have feelings you know. Even if I am wealthy. I think you are so mean that if I paid you a compliment you would probably ask for a receipt. Speaking of reciets I must get one from Dam Murphys for that dozen bottles of 62 Grange.

You’re disrespect is just revolting. I think you’re that dumb that you must be three bricks short of a load or not the full two bobs worth. Either that or your three sanwhiches short of a picnic.

And most of the comments had to be a joke – no-one can be that stupid and arrogant, unless they are members of the Greens.

And Doiug or whatever your name is your name is. Your comment about me being a lesbeim was despickable. I could describe you as a pain in the neck but I have a much lower opinion of you.

There were so manny comments regarding my letter. All of them in such poor taste that I feel I cannot avail myself to share my wisdom with you again. I can only hope and pray that someday the working classes will come to their senses and show their appreciation for the effluence we share.

Morrie Moneyworthy. Malvern.

PS. A special thanks to my son and the year 12 English class at Melbourne High for proof reading. Greatly apreciated.

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  1. Shaun Newman

    Morrie, you certainly are effluent, why do you attempt to write when you haven’t got a clue what it is that you think you are talking about? Much better to be ignorant in silence than to open one’s mouth and confirm it for everyone.

  2. Dan Rowden

    All they could do was criticise a few grammamatical errors.

    Ok, great, now I have a keyboard full of coffee.

  3. Lee

    “Not everyone can be effluent.”

    Yep, the conservatives are effluent. On that we are agreed, Morrie!

  4. Rhonda

    Oh Dear..Oh Dear!!!! You truly have me in stitches….Love it…Wealthy with wit.

  5. RalphG

    Morrie, I luvved your letter. You truly are a suppository of wisdom.

  6. Stuart Dean

    Good one, (ahem) Morrie. No speling mistakes in that one…

  7. abbienoiraude

    @ Morrie:

    “Conservatives (LNP) believe in personal responsibility, limited government, free markets, individual liberty and traditional values.”

    I loved this sentence, Morrie. It is good to have it in writing.
    May I ask: If you believe in ‘limited government’ and ‘individual liberty’ why is there a need to tell those on welfare how to spend their payments and on what to spend it and where? That looks to me like pretty BIG government interference right there?
    Will you next be telling politicians what they can spend their entitlements…oops I mean, benefits…I mean allowances…( oh dear I am not getting this right)..their taxpayer funded salary on? Now that would only be fair, don’t you think Morrie?

    ( I smiled at the Dan Murphy receipt for the ’62 Grange! That sounds about right to me! Submit it to the Govt coffers for reimbursement. You’ll be right mate.)

  8. Dan Rowden

    Good one, (ahem) Morrie. No speling mistakes in that one…

    Come on! He’s a Liberal; don’t let him off that easily! There are 11 spelling mistakes in his letter. I’m writing to Melbourne High to ask that their Year 12 English teacher be sacked.

    And I’m pretty sure Kaye Lee doesn’t suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder.

    Oh, and I hate Chardonnay. Well, ok, if someone gave it to me for free I might be able to get over it …

  9. Mike Wilkinson

    Trouble is, there are those out there who would be proud to have written this letter Morrie! More Morries… ugh, what an horrible thought! Anyway, most of you will be dead quite soon, when the revolution comes, though it is taking a worryingly long time for the prollies to get that organised, probably can’t get their hands on any guns… thanks to Mr Howard… NOT!
    I said at the time of the buyback that Mr Howard was visionary, he could envision someone with a long gun and superb aim on a rooftop uncomfortably close to his location, wherever that location was at any given time. Bomb making equipment is also hard to source and dangerous to asemble. Also, the mad monk has bought bomb proof Beemers and you can’t easily get handheld devices into the public gallery… so that’s out! 🙁 So I guess Bunnings are going to do a riproaring trade in pitchforks, axes and other agricultural toolery. (note to self – buy shares in Bunnings. Damn! I can’t… that would be capitalism and goes against my principles).
    Oh well, see you on the other side of the barricades Mr Moneybags… your day is almost over.

  10. DanDark

    “I can only speak the truth Kaye. There is no need to be so bloody cruel. I have feelings you know. Even if I am wealthy”

    Yes everybody hurts Morrie “There is no need to be so bloody cruel. I have feelings you know” so Morrie, get over it, 🙂
    You are winging Morrie……We don’t CARE Morrie care LOL

  11. Carolyn Janson

    Now that was delicious! “Morrie” speaks for all the moronic Liberals who still believe in this government. It’s nice to be able to laugh without feeling sick at the same time…

  12. Doug Evans

    Sorry but the jig is up old chap. I may not be the brightest light bulb in the pack but your first post set a couple of alarm bells ringing in the back of my head. ‘Morrie’ I said to myself, ‘Morrie’. Doesn’t ring true at all. Plenty of Julian’s and Damien’s at Grammar which after all is a blue blood Anglican school. No shortage of Josh’s and Jason’s but Morrie’s? Don’t remember a single one. Started to think you might be a bit of an impostor – know what I mean? So I asked around among the other chaps up here at Buller (season started a bit late but the gang has gathered anyway). Guess what no-one remembered a Morrie! Fotheringham-Smythe said he remembered a Manfred or something but he was only there for a couple of terms before he was whisked away back to Lichtenstein due to some sort of family scandal involving shares or au-pairs or some such nonsense – but no Morrie! Then we had a look at your second letter to the editor and you know what sealed it. Your language. Goodness gracious me all those ‘fair dinkums’ and ‘sheilas’. You sound like a shearer dreamed up by Steele Rudd to me. Just like those chaps uncle Trevor used to employ on his sheep station in the Western District. More like Morrie of Manangatang than Morrie of Malvern I’d say. Mind you Morrie. Even though it’s a pretty poor show to go around lampooning ordinary young chaps just trying to get on with managing their inheritance, between you me and the gatepost I like what you’ve got to say a lot. I’d even say I like the cut of your jib. But Morrie you really must stop pretending to be one of us. You plainly aren’t.

  13. Kaye Lee


    I apologise for any offence. It is obvious you have a firm hold on yourself. The odd typo is understandable when typing one-handed.

    I absolutely agree about individual freedom and personal responsibility. I so admired the Young Liberals suggestions submitted to the last national conference:

    Bring back cracker night – we don’t want a nanny state telling us what to do!
    Drug test all welfare recipients – we can’t have them deciding what to spend our money on. (this should extend to aged pensioners who may not have understood the point of putting up prescription medicines)
    Cut quotas for local content on tv channels – get rid of that fabian society nest of Emily’s listers and ecoterrorists at the ABC and show more Downton Abbey.

    I will also be writing to Tim Wilson about the flagrant discrimination against chardonnay and latte drinkers. There has been far too much time wasted on the human rights of children in detention and disabled people. We chardonnay drinkers pay far more tax and often contribute even more than our share by drinking champagne. People are employed because of my drinking habits!

    But one thing Morrie, you will never win best and fairest by being a wimp! I have every right to hurt your feelings. The highest legal office in the country said so. So ner ner!

  14. Vivienne

    It takes uncanny skill and self control to allow those spelling errors.

  15. abbienoiraude

    Now Doug Evans; THAT I laughed out loud at!

  16. John Lord

    Hey Doug that figures. Bloody Bulla. i IMAGINE thats why we Dont see any of yous at the G SUPPORTING THE RED AND BLUE. nO WONDER WE CANT PULL a crowd. Sorry about Typing one handed. Im holding it all together with the other won. How did Kaye Lee know that?

  17. Kaye Lee

    Doug made me think of bachelor and spinster balls and picnic races in the country…talking about boarding school food and daddy’s property on the Darling Downs. Wool skirts, Lady Di blouses, jumpers draped jauntily across your back with the sleeves tied in front…boys making inappropriate jokes about sheep and wellington boots.

  18. trevor

    Morrie from Malvern.

    Well Morrie you seem to have outdone yourself as a true representative of the Affluent Effluent Classes.

    Tis rather a pity that you write your homage to witless wealth and old boys(sic) clubs and Collins St farmers along with their mincing Political poodles and Corporate cowlips in such an enticing manner as to extract the wrath and poor grammatical expression of the less well educated. There is only so many ways one can be told to Pissorf.

    So bon voyage Morrie as you set sail to your new horizons as a whittlesnip.

    Export Abbott not Refugees.

  19. Don.

    Just Love Morrie AND his deciples.

  20. Stuff me

    For sure he has purged himself somewhere here….

  21. Doug Evans

    Pilkington Junior just came in after a refreshing morning on the piste getting over a not so refreshing night on the …… well you know what I mean. Well PJ as we call him has a wider circle of friends than most and apparently he used to know your little sister. He filled me in on the family background and well I’m very sorry that I said you plainly weren’t one of us. You are indeed Morrie of Malvern (albeit formerly of Melton). Nothing wrong with a self made man I always say (even though I haven’t met too many of them). I am very glad the property development company is going so well and please, please, please keep donating. My Parliamentary chums Josh and Kelly both of whom sit out your way would be mortified and more than a little cross at me if anything I said caused offense to one of our side’s most enthusiastic supporters. You see I’m toying with the idea of seeking pre-selection myself (shouldn’t be too much of a problem given the ski-lodge membership) and it occurs to me that we might have lunch at the Club (no not the footy club) to talk strategy. Also, a little bird told me at the bar not ten minutes ago, that you shouldn’t worry too much about that planning application and that ridiculous Environmental Impact Statement I believe the Minister is calling that one in. So all the best Morrie of Malvern (we do love property developers – just look how much they did for us in NSW) Hope to hear from you soon.

  22. Doug Evans

    Oh and by the way Morrie
    I’m up here for the season and as you are only in your seventies I guess your MCC membership hasn’t come up yet. So I suspect you do most of your barracking from the Southern Stand. I could arrange for you to use my membership if you like. It’s much warmer in the Long Room than Bay 13 and the roast beef with two veg and gravy is just like Mum used to make (and almost as good).

  23. James

    If this meant to be satire, this is gold and going on the wall at work

    If it is serious….dear god where did we go wrong? WHERE?!?!?!

  24. MIssPamela

    Poor show Morrie old boy.
    You really are letting the side down sending your son to Melbourne HS.
    After all you said in your previous (very astute letter) that you had all the social and economic advantages (see Doug’s comments above) of attending the Grammar. This is well funded by the government so is in a position to provide all the boy needs to succeed in life. It is immaterial that they failed to teach you to spell or write grammatically, you have the contacts you need to use your inherited wealth wisely. How do you expect the boy to get on in life without developing the conservative contacts at school that will enable him to become part of the Young Liberals and perhaps get a position like Tim Wilson in the future. Also clearly the teaching at the High is not up to that at the Grammar. The proof readers missed one crucial spelling mistake when I checked – “lesbeim” should be “lesbaim”. You need to be careful to spell the names of those in these fringe groups correctly or you leave us open to criticisms of Xenophobia.

  25. Steve

    BAHAHAHAHA! Sorry John Lord, I see right through you. Both these letters have got to be a mock-up. They are much to carefully randomised to be legit. Dispite the fact that the hardcore, Liberal elitists, selectively blind to what’s in front of them supporters of the government and all of its actors are one eyed in their opinions, even they don’t take their views to this brutal honesty level. Its just not in their makeup.
    Having said all that, this is golden for abit of comic relief. When’s you next stand-up gig John?

  26. Eastern Trisha

    This was such a vulgar and abusive letter that I’m amazed it got published! It lowers the tone of a decent exchange of ideas to a place lower than I imagined possible. Is the objective in publishing this piece of rubbish was to highlight what simple minded, vulgar bullies conservatives are?

    But who in their right mind would show their year 12 son a letter with quotes like this “I’d suggest he takesa hold of himself”. This person is a danger to society and that poor boy born of “himself”. You can’t be serious.

  27. Bacchus

    LOL – I think you’re getting way two good at this “Morrie” character John. Perhaps “Morrie” is taking over you’re purseowner – Arrrrggghhh NO! John Lord is turning into Morrie Moneyworthy 😆

  28. RalphG

    “You need to be careful to spell the names of those in these fringe groups correctly or you leave us open to criticisms of Xenophobia.”

    MissPamela, you are correct. Senator Xenophob has been very critical of the ruling class recently.

  29. patsy

    morrie you are disgusting…..BIGOT is too good a name to call you……..lucky you…did you earn your wealth or inherit…..I guess you inherited ….there is only two classes I can think of when I read your letter first class and NO class ……and no class certainly fits your agenda……you should look at yourself more closely in a mirror…..not a nice reflection…….ugly

  30. Ian Joyner

    John, go away, you are just a troll. You have some misguided notion that anyone who actually thinks about how atrocious Abbott and co are must be latte sipping socialists and commies. Really – is that the best you can do. Your spews here are pathetic. That’s about all that can be said.

  31. Lee

    Oh dear, looks like the LNP’s budget cuts to the national sense of humour have really taken their toll. 😉

  32. Annabelle

    Oh dear, ROFPMSL! Thanks for making my day!

  33. Doug Evans

    Yep looks like we’re in humour deficit. That’ll be the fault of Rudd and Gillard too. But don’t worry jolly (cigar) ‘Smokin’ Joe’ Hockey will soon have us back in surplus. I hear his stand-up routine’s a riot.

  34. corvus boreus

    Literal posters,
    outraged, appalled and angered,
    smack strawman senseless.

  35. Mike Wilkinson

    Miss Pamela I am sorry to pick you up on your spelling, but you said “fringe” groups, surely you meant “cringe” groups. Just a small one and I’m sure it was a typo. All the best.

  36. Mike Wilkinson

    😀 perhaps they didn’t read the entire thread and missed the fact that this is SATIRE folks! [shakes head]

  37. Dan Rowden


    But don’t worry jolly (cigar) ‘Smokin’ Joe’ Hockey will soon have us back in surplus. I hear his stand-up routine’s a riot.

    Yeah, I found it pretty damn hilarious:

  38. John Lord

    I think Douglas takes the prize for intellectual wit.

  39. wam moir

    dear morrie, wel sed and i almost aggree with you about pyne but I had him, hockey, joyce the rabbott and the short tin as similar in thair indoctrinating schooling but on reflecion abbut your words the first three ar smiliar in character to the fourth. Is such inbreading politacly yyys?

  40. corvus boreus

    Mike W, I suspect the little red lights in the humming room of the grey building in Canberra might have been strobing wildly in response to your 12:56 post.

  41. Doug Evans

    Well that was fun. Cheered me up no end!

  42. MissPamela

    Sorry for the typo, Mike. These cringe groups (the lesbaims, the honos, the unemployed, the disabled, the refugees etc etc) spend their lives on the fringe of our effluent society and constantly whinge about their rights. They need to stop trying to infringe on us, and realise they have no rights for this wonderful conservative government to impinge.

  43. corvus boreus

    To all the cringers and whingers on the fringes(raises invisible glass).

  44. Stephen Tardrew

    Been busy – quick read good, laugh what Fun. LNP Qld on the nose. Government heading for recession OH what fun.

  45. Mike Wilkinson

    Yeah, I know! 🙂 Gives the buggers something to do eh! If they don’t recognise satire when they see it they deserve to waste their time chasing phantoms 😀

  46. Mike Wilkinson


  47. Keith

    “Morrie”, Abbott has stated something like ““Some time back Tony Abbott told us that the best way to understand the truth of what he was saying was to have it in writing….”
    In the Guardian today there is an article about how a couple of lines are being rewritten in relation to a Department of Environment paper on extreme weather. For that to happen there would need to have been a directive from a political source; which then puts into question anything put out by Abbott when of a controversial nature, lacks reliability.

  48. Totaram

    Oh dear, it’s obviously an error – Morrie’s son being in Melbourne High. That is a special-entry Government school and it is unthinkable that Morrie’s son would be able to get in. Besides, why would he want to? He would have to mix with nerdy types from the lower orders, and they might be Asian or something like that. Melbourne Grammar is what was intended, I’m sure. A proper private school. Poor Morrie! So busy looking after his business interest and investments, he can’t quite remember the proper name of his son’s school. Does it matter? Not at all. The boy will follow in his father’s illustrious footsteps of course. He will be knighted one day I’m sure.

  49. Jason

    @corvus boreus

    It’s not a strawman. You actually indict John Lord by claiming that it is.

  50. corvus boreus

    I care not. Morrie is ashes. They say he exited singing Psalms.
    Ave atque vale, Morrie Moneyworthy of Malvern,
    He would have made a splendid freedom commissioner.

  51. jasonblog

    @corvus boreus

    I admire your swiftness. We obviously have different aspirations for the ideal of freedom!

  52. corvus boreus

    “FREEDOM” is Mel Gibson in blue facepaint shouting motivational slogans.

  53. Jason

    @corvus boreus

    Only if you want it to be… I’d prefer to look towards Aretha Franklin & Booker T and the MGs. Each their own,

  54. corvus boreus

    Touche’, Jason,
    I prefer your audio-visual.

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