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A Guide To Covid Vaccinations OR Naked Men Startle Deer…

Now a lot of people are suggesting that there is a lot of confusion surrounding the rollout of vaccines here in Australia. I’d like to point out that the only reason people are confused is that they’ve been listening to the updates from Morrison and Hunt instead of simply turning up and being either turned away or vaccinated.

Before I go on, did anyone actually have two naked men being startled by a deer AND Victoria one of a handful of places not in lockdown on their bingo card? You did? Well, I think if you can lie like that, there’s a place for you on the Coalition front bench…

Just to save time here, as well as sparing any Coalition MPs the expense of getting a lawyer to draft me a letter, I would just like to say that I apologise and any suggestion that any individual on the front bench of the Coalition has told a lie was made in error and I don’t wish to impugn the good name of anyone. I certainly wouldn’t wish to make them waste any more money on lawyers whether it’s their own or taxpayers. As I would be unable to mount a truth defence because there’s no evidence on the internet that any of them have actually said anything that they later say they never said, I feel my only course of action is to apologise and to agree to pay the costs that they haven’t incurred owing to the fact that my apology occurred before they received legal advice, making it an enormous win for whoever took offence to my suggestion that their statements may have been only loosely connected with what most people call reality. I think we can consider this an even bigger win for the Coalition than when strenuously-denier Christian Porter settled his case with the ABC.

Anyway, it’s quite simple:

  1. If you’re over 60 the Astra Zeneca vaccine is the best one for you to have.
  2. If you’re over 50, it was the best one but now it’s not, so don’t get it unless you already got your first dose, in which case you should get your second dose..
  3. IF you’re between 40 and 50, you are eligible to get a Pfizer dose as soon as you find someone who has one. It’s not recommended that you have the Astra Zeneca.
  4. If you’re under 40, you’ll be turned away unless the person at the centre doesn’t check your ID and like those pubs that served you when you were under 18, you can get away with getting the non-recommended Astra Zeneca.
  5. If you’re Jane Norman, you might get lucky and get a Pfizer.
  6. If you’re any age you can get an Astra Zeneca vaccine because it’s been clarified that there was never a time that you weren’t able to. It’s just that nobody would let you and now it’s a bit like growing up and putting on your big boy pants and saying, “You’re not my boss and I’m going to do this even though you told me that it was dangerous.”
  7. Because people are over-reacting to the potential side-effects and the fact that we were just told that lots of other vaccines are coming, we’d like to point out that all of them are relatively safe and effective, so go get one, but only after taking to your doctor who is indemnified against any hiccup.

I think that explains in a way that should be clear to everyone, except for Amanda Vanstone who went rogue and missed the memo that the states were hoarding vaccines and they should use what they had without the need to keep some for second doses. Her opinion piece in the Costello propaganda paper accused Victoria of mucking things up by using vaccines and not holding some back because we couldn’t expect to given extra for a second one for those who’d had their first. But then Amanda has never been great at… actually I was about to finish that sentence and so many things came to mind that I can’t actually remember which one I was intending to use.

Like the vaccine rollout, someone else will need to take over if it’s going to be finished any time in the near future.

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22 comments

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  1. GL

    Saint Scotty of the Marketing and the rest of Crony Co. Inc. have to be the most reactionary bunch of effwits we’ve ever had the displeasure to rule. All they ever do is react to any crisis that blows up in their gormless faces When they finally do something they almost always turn it into a disaster and then..spare me…react. AAGGHH!!

  2. pierre wilkinson

    Thanks for clarifying that Rossleigh, I was confused by what appeared to be contradictory edicts, but then I read your article and i now can’t wait – although I might have to – for my vaccination, whichever one it is and whenever it is available, though I might change age groups before then.
    It would appear that apart from blatant corruption, the only thing this government is actually good at is boldfaced pork barrelling, rorting the system, and providing well paid sinecures for their mates.
    Oh, did I mention blatant corruption?
    And incompetence. They are good at that, too.

  3. Gangey1959

    The deer was filming the new sports betting commercial, and, well, nobody had a multi that covered 2 naked men, covid jabs for all my friends, and gladbags binchicken using the forbidden word.
    Yet here we are.
    The odds on scottyfromadvertisingandannouncements being voted best God ever are………….

  4. RomeoCharlie29

    Rossleigh, I think your very comprehensive list neglected to mention the newborns to 12 year olds who, we all know, are potential carriers/spreaders of the new strain, especially those who have been in hotel quarantine on Fraser Island, or Tasmania. No doubt our esteemed foot-in-mouth leader is even now preparing to announce plans for the inoculation of this particular cohort, if he can decide between Pfizer and AZ or give them the choice.

  5. wam

    A beaut photo:
    please sir, I have pooed my pants, can I leave the class?
    You silly boy, you can, but you may not!
    Rossleigh, your last sentence is doubly definitive for the rollout and for the country itself, because if albo doesn’t take over the will reach the clp arrogance levels of last century and the clp ravages of 2013-16

  6. Harry Lime

    Trying to describe the utter chaos and incompetence of this fucking idiot led government would exhaust the number of known expletives and epithets in the known universe.How much better off would we have been if enough voters had seen through the blatant horseshit that the trash media fed them? I have little faith in the judgement of many of my fellow citizens.
    That pic at the top is the turd Hunt indicating the depth of shit his government is standing in,and very soon to bury them.Do us all a favour,shithead,mount another challenge.Even if it’s only for temporary amusement.

  7. Phil Pryor

    If ever a phoney politician was a dead set greghunt, that photo shows one. What a dud, an anus, a reject from irrelevancy, a blot on the blot of the nation. When he goes, whining, he’ll blame Morrison, (correctly) for utter inability to do anything except bullshit up some announcements. Piggerypoo…

  8. skip

    Pseudoplandemic

    Iain Davis

    Pseudopandemic

  9. filleey

    Covid 19 was and is a pseudopandemic. It was the gross exaggeration of the threat posed by a low mortality respiratory illness, comparable to influenza.

    The pseudopandemic was a psychological operation (psy-op) designed to terrorise the public. The objective was to accustom the people to draconian system of government oppression by familiarising them with the mechanisms of a biosecurity state.

    The pseudopandemic was based upon an influenza like illness which, regardless of its origin, was not and is not a disease which can legitimately be considered the cause of a “pandemic.” The only way it could ever be described as such was by the removal of any reference to mortality from the World Health Organisation’s definition.

    COVID 19 is a disease which has a mortality age distribution profile indistinguishable from standard mortality. Unlike influenza, which disproportionately impacts the young, in terms of threat to life, COVID 19 was and is a wholly unremarkable illness.

    Were it not for political theatrics and mainstream media propaganda, which began in China, no one, outside of the medical profession and COVID 19 sufferers, would have remarked on this disease.

    The illusion of overwhelmed health services was created by massively reducing their capacity and staffing levels while simultaneously reorienting healthcare to treat everyone who presented with a respiratory illness as viral plague carriers.

    In reality the pseudopandemic saw unusually low levels of hospital bed occupancy. However, due to the additional policies and procedures heaped upon them, healthcare services were thrown into into disarray.

    This was combined with the use of tests, incapable of diagnosing anything, as proof of a COVID 19 “case.” This enabled governments around the world to make absurd claims about the threat level. They relied upon fake science and junk data throughout. As symptomatic illness and resultant disease mortality was relatively low, they asserted that people without any signs of illness (the asymptomatic) were spreading the contagion.

    This was abject nonsense. There was no evidence that the asymptomatic infected anyone. Those at risk of severe illness were the small minority of people who already had serious comorbidities, often due to their age.

    The mass house arrests (lockdowns) and other measures, such as wearing face masks, were then used to increase the infection risk, to reduce broad levels of population immunity and give the false impression of an extraordinary public health threat. The removal of health care for every other disease, including cancer and ischaemic heart disease, coupled with the health costs of increasing deprivation and immunosuppressant policies, were then exploited to bolster the illusion of a pandemic.

  10. Michael Taylor

    Skip, your comment got caught up in our spam folder. That sometimes happens with comments with links – not often, but it does happen.

    You were not being censored.

  11. leefe

    Having been out bush for the last few days. the whole “two naked men and a deer” thing has me nonplussed. Can someone – in the immortal words of SheWhoShouldNotBeInParliament – please explain?

  12. Michael Taylor

    “two naked men and a deer”.

    I know what you’re thinking, leefe. 😁

  13. leefe

    I am trying very hard NOT to think anything until I have the facts, Michael.

  14. Michael Taylor

    I didn’t even know there are wild deer in Australia.

  15. leefe

    There are one hell of a lot of feral deer, mainly in the high country in Victoria and Dubberland and in Tasmania. They are almost as much of a problem in KNP and ANP as feral horses.
    It doesn’t help that they are, ludicrously, semi-protected game species, with strict hunting seasons and bag limits.

  16. Harry Lime

    Michael, introduced deer including Fallow,Red,Sambar,Rusa and Hog are found mainly up and down the the Great Dividing Range from Victoria to Cape York.Given the terrain it’s hard to know how many,but there are a poltice of them.I saw plenty of them on Cobourg Peninsula N.T 40 odd years ago, (Sambar) and a mate of mine at Cootharaba in Queensland often sees groups of them right next to his property.Some of them even end up being invited to dinner.

  17. Michael Taylor

    Thank you, leefe, Harry.

    I do recall now, as a teenager, seeing reindeer in the Adelaide Hills on a private property (they could have been elk, but as a kid I didn’t know the difference).

    In the airport in Helsinki a few years ago we saw that one of the eateries had reindeer burgers on special. Nah, we just couldn’t.

  18. Harry Lime

    Michael, Santa must have been down on his luck at the time.

  19. leefe

    Michael,
    But if they’d called it a caribou burger you’d have been fine? Supposed to be very tasty eating.

  20. GL

    I was looking at the photo used for this article and all I could think of was: Grhunt, “I’ve had it up to here with people not letting us do their thinking for them!”

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