Now a lot of people are suggesting that there is a lot of confusion surrounding the rollout of vaccines here in Australia. I’d like to point out that the only reason people are confused is that they’ve been listening to the updates from Morrison and Hunt instead of simply turning up and being either turned away or vaccinated.
Before I go on, did anyone actually have two naked men being startled by a deer AND Victoria one of a handful of places not in lockdown on their bingo card? You did? Well, I think if you can lie like that, there’s a place for you on the Coalition front bench…
Just to save time here, as well as sparing any Coalition MPs the expense of getting a lawyer to draft me a letter, I would just like to say that I apologise and any suggestion that any individual on the front bench of the Coalition has told a lie was made in error and I don’t wish to impugn the good name of anyone. I certainly wouldn’t wish to make them waste any more money on lawyers whether it’s their own or taxpayers. As I would be unable to mount a truth defence because there’s no evidence on the internet that any of them have actually said anything that they later say they never said, I feel my only course of action is to apologise and to agree to pay the costs that they haven’t incurred owing to the fact that my apology occurred before they received legal advice, making it an enormous win for whoever took offence to my suggestion that their statements may have been only loosely connected with what most people call reality. I think we can consider this an even bigger win for the Coalition than when strenuously-denier Christian Porter settled his case with the ABC.
Anyway, it’s quite simple:
- If you’re over 60 the Astra Zeneca vaccine is the best one for you to have.
- If you’re over 50, it was the best one but now it’s not, so don’t get it unless you already got your first dose, in which case you should get your second dose..
- IF you’re between 40 and 50, you are eligible to get a Pfizer dose as soon as you find someone who has one. It’s not recommended that you have the Astra Zeneca.
- If you’re under 40, you’ll be turned away unless the person at the centre doesn’t check your ID and like those pubs that served you when you were under 18, you can get away with getting the non-recommended Astra Zeneca.
- If you’re Jane Norman, you might get lucky and get a Pfizer.
- If you’re any age you can get an Astra Zeneca vaccine because it’s been clarified that there was never a time that you weren’t able to. It’s just that nobody would let you and now it’s a bit like growing up and putting on your big boy pants and saying, “You’re not my boss and I’m going to do this even though you told me that it was dangerous.”
- Because people are over-reacting to the potential side-effects and the fact that we were just told that lots of other vaccines are coming, we’d like to point out that all of them are relatively safe and effective, so go get one, but only after taking to your doctor who is indemnified against any hiccup.
I think that explains in a way that should be clear to everyone, except for Amanda Vanstone who went rogue and missed the memo that the states were hoarding vaccines and they should use what they had without the need to keep some for second doses. Her opinion piece in the Costello propaganda paper accused Victoria of mucking things up by using vaccines and not holding some back because we couldn’t expect to given extra for a second one for those who’d had their first. But then Amanda has never been great at… actually I was about to finish that sentence and so many things came to mind that I can’t actually remember which one I was intending to use.
Like the vaccine rollout, someone else will need to take over if it’s going to be finished any time in the near future.
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