You don’t know me, but I’m about to give you some really, really good advice.
In case you haven’t noticed, Mr Abbott has labelled you a “whinger” and said that you haven’t come up with any alternative to his Budget. Now, this is pretty rich. I mean, apart from a pom like Abbott calling someone a whinger, he and Smokin’ Joe have been telling us that there IS no alternative.
Of course, even if one accepts the premise of the Budget emergency, there are always alternatives. So, because you’re probably too busy defending yourself from all the people who are saying things like the left should unite to defeat the Coalition and why isn’t Shorten doing something about it, I’m giving you an alternative Budget to present to Parliament.
Here are a few simple suggestions for filling the Budget black hole: (Actually in the interests of accuracy, isn’t a black hole something that can’t be filled. Can some astrophysicist out there clarify so that we don’t have to rely on Wikipedia like our Environment Minister does.)
- All roads should be subject to a co-payment, because why shouldn’t people in Joe Hockey’s electorate contribute to their road usage. Some may argue that they already do through taxes, but as with the Medicare Levy, that doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be a $7 co-payment every time one drives somewhere. After all, people who can afford cars can surely pay for their own roads. They need to stop thinking of themselves and think of Australia’s future.
- Secondary School students in government schools should contribute to the cost of their education via Secondary Education Contribution Scheme. Or SECS, for short. Obviously, some could defer this via a student loan scheme which they can pay back once they start earning money via a job at one of our many supportive fast food chains. Under the age of 30, there’s obviously no real need for them to have their own money, so the repayments could start as soon as they were earning $25 a week.
- The “earn or learn” is a good start. Demand that in order to be eligible for the dole, people need to either get a job, in which case they don’t need it or else enrol in a Tertiary Course. Once they’ve completed their tertiary course, the HECS repayments could be deducted from their dole payments, if they fail to get a job after turning 30. (Actually this one is a little too close to Abbott’s actual policy, but if you say it quickly, nobody will notice.)
- Abolish the role of Speaker and just let the Leader of Government Business run Parliament. After all, why do we need to pay someone to stand up on cue. Ok, this one will only save a few thousand, but symolism is important.
- Sell of the remaining government assets: Australia Post, Medibank Private, Parliament House (may have already happened – waiting on pending legal action with Fairfax and Joe Hockey), the Great Barrier Reef, all of Tasmania. Reject, however, the sale of the Mint, as it’s one thing that makes money. (I know, I’m ashamed but I couldn’t resist.)
So there you have my ideas, Bill. But be careful who you show this to. If the Liberals see it, they may steal all them.